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Brother drinking to death?

4 replies

Hameth · 04/01/2026 15:34

I need some advice. My brother (mid 50s, ex professional career ie like doctor or lawyer) is drinking so much he is really ill. He lives with his son and his girlfriend (both early 20s). Three years ago he turned up for Christmas unshaved and with visible tremors. He has been pretty much out of work for 10 years but has an income protection policy and his GP is putting down depression. We tried to support a low drinking lifestyle which lasted a few months but he is 150 miles away. 18 months ago he was hospitalised basically for starvation as he wasn't eating. He needed a zimmer frame for a year. He smokes roll ups and drinks 70 to 120 units a week. He denied he was drinking much to me on phone but we visited. He is estranged from his other children and won't reconcile unless they apologise for some past grievances no one really understands. His son used the phrase alcohol dementia and that is true. He doesn't remember my son has qualified nor his other child has graduated.
Sorry for length.
So he won't listen to any advice. At all. Has no friends no hobbies and nothing will persuade him to meet anyone.
He doesn't have to face financial consequences as he has high income protection.
His son is sort of trapped. Its rent and cost free but there are dependencies and he isn't moving on either.
I think I can do one intervention but not more so it has to work. I was thinking eg son moves out but my brother pays ( he has the money), we get cleaner in and light care worker and someone to help him eat/encourage to wash.
Is that possible? I dont know what to do. Its more for my nephew to be honest. My brother clearly just wants to drink.
I am six years sober myself. My rock bottom was being drunk in Popworld over the age of 50 and realising i had the gene and abstinence was just easier than moderation. He has been hospitalised and needing a zimmer frame, lost his career, x2 wives and his children. But still drinks.
Please any advice...

OP posts:
abracadabra1980 · 04/01/2026 15:41

Maybe have a read of the Alcohol threads under the Alcohol topic OP. What you will read time and again is that you can't help an alcoholic at all unless they choose to help themselves. I think the best you can do here is support your nephew as he's young and should your brother lose his life, which looks likely if he chooses to drink, start to prepare your nephew for the worst case scenario. So sorry you are going through this.

thesandwich · 04/01/2026 15:45

I’m so sorry- but if he is deemed to have capacity so has to agree. As is said often on the elderly parent board, he has capacity to make bad decisions. Would he support son moving out? Does anyone have power of attorney if he loses capacity? Maybe contact your local adult social care or AA for advice. If you can achieve that, it would be a breakthrough for dn.

BillieWiper · 04/01/2026 15:47

But if he gets a carer won't that enable him to carry on drinking? If they clean and do things for him it will give a semblance of respectability while he is still continuing to drink just as much.

Encouraging someone to eat isn't easy and even ED specialists struggle with it. It also won't mean the alcohol is doing ang less damage.

I hope you can try and convince him to go to a detox- rehab. But even if he does he won't stay sober for long if he doesn't want to and was only going sober to try and please others.

Clutterbug2026 · 04/01/2026 15:49

You know yourself that he has to want to change and he doesn’t. Do you go to AA yourself, it maybe worth speaking to them or you could try Al anon but that way be tiggering for you.

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