How to deal with draining, pushy people who say ‘yes’ to everything

[IWantToHibernate]

I have to work closely with a woman who makes me feel exhausted in every way possible. She is one of the people who has never said ‘no’ in her life, and then tries to get everyone else involved. I’m not just talking about work things, it’s everything ‘extra curricular’ not actually related to the job.

I on the other hand, can have a hard time saying no so I get pressured into doing things I don’t want to do. When I have had the courage to say ‘no’ to her, she says I should push myself out of my comfort zone.

It’s tiring, maybe I should try new things but I used to be peer pressured into a lot of things when I was younger and I regretted it.

Hahaha I have a friend like this. Just have to put your foot down “It’s my time, and it’s limited and it’s my choice” kind of response one time will do it.

You deal with them by realising it's your problem if you have a hard time saying no.

Nothing wrong with her saying she thinks you should push yourself out of your comfort zone, even if you disagree.

It's just mild annoyance and people with different personalities.

The problem isn't your friend/colleague. She enjoys saying yes and doing what needs to be done. The problem is your inability to say no., work on that

By the way I like saying yes to a lot of things, but I also have no issue with saying no... I like saying yes to things I find interesting and push me out of my comfort zone... Then no one complains when I say no to dross (for me). It is all about balance. Cannot blame your colleague fly saying yes for things she wants to do

There is nothing wrong with pushing you out of your comfort zone, but also, she should accept no for an answer, and you need to learn how to say it.

If I don't want to go, I say no, and nothing persuades me otherwise. I do what I want, not what other people want.

It’s not that hard to say “I really don’t fancy that, it’s not for me”. If she waffles on about comfort zones just say you spent your youth getting out of it, now you’re happy to stay in it.

I also don't believe this woman 'has never said no in her life'.

I think you need to lose that way of thinking OP, because it's not helpful to you.

Just say no and if she makes a comment try to laugh or agree with her in a joking way

she’ll get the messsge eventually

Put it this way, it's more your inability to say no and be firm then this woman pushing you.

It's just a moment in time that feels uncomfortable but you have to insist, just the way she is.

If it helps, have some stock answers ready.

Sorry that doesn't work for me.

No thanks Jane, I'm very busy at the moment.

Happy for you to do your thing but I'm not joining in.

Or just plain no.

People respect you more when you have boundaries. Take it from a former people pleaser. I must have a much stronger aura now as I don't really get people trying to take the piss now. It's bliss.

If you find it hard to say no, then doing so would be pushing yourself out of your comfort zone - maybe point this out to your colleague?

“saying No and not being a people pleaser is going out of my comfort zone. Thanks for offering but no thanks I don’t wish to participate.”