Church

[Chefpig]

Hi, I've been thinking more and more about going to church. I've always described myself as an atheist but I've recently lost several loved ones which has left a massive hole in my life and heart. I've often been wondering about what if there is a God, guardian angels, heaven since the bereavements. It's been really so difficult to cope with the deaths. I also struggle with severe depression and sometimes, but not at the moment, suicidal ideation.

I only have one real friend where I live and I think church could be the family I need here and the help I need to get myself out of this deep feeling of doom along with the anti depressants and therapy.

My question is if anyone went along to a church from being a non believer, what was your experience, good or bad? Also, a silly question but do they charge a fee to attend church?

Thank you.

I would be a person who would drop in and drop out of church services. I was brought up both Roman Catholic and Presbyterian. I am not sure what your religionis, assuming previous Christian also? I’ve never gone beyond attending a mass or service but it is nice and certainly you will be welcomed. There is no charge, sometimes they ask for offerings but these are not obligatory.

Do you not feel the antidepressants are helping? I had to try a few before I got one which worked for me. There is no shame in taking them at all. Keep at the therapy, loss of loved ones is hard, I’ve been there so many times and have reverted to the church from time to time but I still need work too.

Good luck x

This is a really good idea. Many churches run Alpha courses and this is a great way of exploring Christianity and making new friends at the same time.

Your experience should be good, and if not find another church. I dip in and out. And when I’m thinking logically I struggle with the whole concept, but equally often think there must be more than just this. I also struggle with the bigger picture of religion behind so much war. But at a community level, in the main, they are a good and kind people. Very welcoming places.

No fee, typically an optional collection (of monetary donations).

I go through stages in my life of going to church or not depending if I’m seeking comfort or just a bit of alone time with my thoughts. You’ll be welcomed wherever and whichever church you decide to go to. There’s no fee. I haven’t been for a fair few years last service being a Christingle with the kids. My DH wouldn’t go it’s not his thing and I don’t have any friends that would go with me. I have some sort of faith but don’t go to church regularly. I’ll pray if I’m desperate and say thanks to a God if something fortunate happens.

I really enjoy the community spirit of the churches that I’ve been to.

I wouldn't say i turned to church but after a couple of big bereavements I did go on special occasions. I'm not sure i believe it all but I love the community spirit of it and the kindness. I think you would be welcomed and hopefully it will help.

I wasn't brought up religious, albeit I was christened as a baby as it's what most people did back then. However after losing my mum 6 years ago I felt a loss so great that I went along to my first ever church service with a friend who was a Christian. I was amazed at just how lovely everyone was, no pressure, an easy and relatable sermon and uplifting, modern songs. The room must have been filled without around 100 people both young and old. I went along every week for around a year before deciding to get baptised. Again, no pressure, I just felt that there was no doubt my mum was in heaven and that there really was a God. I've since changed churches due to location and love the sense of community, friendship and love. I'd recommend it to anyone going through a tough time. You may find that it's not for you and that's ok but no harm in trying.

In our congregation, several people have started coming in the last year due to bereavement. It’s been lovely to get to know them.

You would certainly be welcome at my local C of E church. We are strong on "belonging before believing" - welcoming in those who are looking for somewhere to belong whether or not they believe. Lots of people come looking for community, and we hope that we show them love and hope and faith on the way. Some stay and become interested in being baptised etc, some stay for the coffee and the chat, some come for the music, some pop along from time to time and some come once and don't come back. Some become keen members of the gardening team or the food bank, some end up on the PCC, some run a million miles away from responsibility. Everyone is welcome, and nobody is going to give you 20 questions about what you believe in on the way in.

There's no fee to attend. There's sometimes a collection but you can just pass the basket along, you are not compelled to put anything in. Lots of people will have a standing order and therefore don't put money in, so you won't look out of place.

Have a look at the website/FB pages of local churches. Look for coffee mornings, social events. A church being busy in the community may be a great place for you.

Personally I can't do church services (too long/can't sit still/concentrate) but I do go and assist at several groups and help with several charitable events. And in recent months I've been dealing with cancer treatment and had fabulous support/prayers from some of the people I know there.

See if a local church runs an Alpha course. It's a great introduction to church. There are a few sessions across a few weeks with a meal beforehand (free). There will be other people like you, and you get the opportunity to ask and dicuss all types of things and ask any kind of question. Then at the end, you all attend church together on a Sunday. It means you wouldn't go alone for the first time and you get to make some friends before even getting your foot into the door!

This has brought up a horrible memory for me. 25 years ago I had a friend who suffered from schizophrenia and he turned to the Catholic church for help. The priest advised him to stop his medication which my friend did, he then took his own life.

I'll never forgive that priest for what he did. My friend was very troubled but he should never have taken that advice.

I'm so sorry to hear that @YelramBob. I think pastoral care in churches 25 years ago was not nearly as consistent as it is now, and I speak from personal (bad) experience.

DH was a non believer and came to church because DS and I started going after DS had met local vicar at CofE primary. DH is now on church PCC - had baptism, confirmation and testimony. Different vicar now, but also inspirationally leftie.

I'm very sorry about your bereavements.

I go to my local CofE church for the Sunday morning service around once a month and I don't feel any pressure to believe anything. It is open to anyone and there is no test of faith nor any fee or any barrier to entry at all (as pp have mentioned there is normally a collection to support the church but it is voluntary). If you would like to just attend a service that is fine; or if you would like to get more involved in it as a community there are various ways in to that and you could talk to the priest in charge as a starting point. It is there to serve the community and it should feel welcoming; as others have said, if it doesn't, shop around.

Hi @Chefpig, I'm really sorry to hear of your bereavements. I think it's good you're thinking about church and I think there's loads of great advice on this thread.

I would look around - don't feel like you can't do this - and find one that makes you feel comfortable. They are a melting pot of people, and as in life, there will be some you mesh well with and some who get under your skin in the wrong way! Also, like schools, they will have a culture that reflects their leadership.

You might want to look at The Bible Course from the Bible Society; kind of an end-to-end look at the book and really interesting. https://www.biblesociety.org.uk A church running the Alpha Course might help you answer some of your questions, but a vicar would also be happy to talk.

Reading Narnia, believe it or not, would also give you an image of the Christian heaven (that I find very comforting); the whole series has moments that are analogous to the Bible, but in particular #1 reflects Genesis, #2 the Gospels and #7 the Revelation.

Churches don't charge a fee, BTW, but there is usually a collection for church funds and/or charity.

Thank you. His death was horrific and should never have happened.

I've had other bad experiences with ministers (on a professional level) who should not be in that job.

Bring along a couple of pounds to put in the collection plate if it’s c of e church.
try out a few and look on their website to see if you can see videos of sermons so you can see if they’re your vibe.
also perhaps attend an alpha course? I have been interested in doing one

Just visit a church and see if you like it. I go to a Pentecostal church, or as my late parents would have called it ‘happy clappy’. I like it. I don’t go every week though as life is busy and I am ND so sometimes the extended singing is a bit much so sometimes I pop to the CofE church at the bottom of my road. Even then I don’t go weekly.

There is no fee to go. You are not obliged to add to the collection. The people are nice, in my experience.

You'd be very welcome at my Catholic Church and I think you'd find the community supportive. If you don't find it in the church you try, "shop around".

There's no pressure to believe in God and no discussion of beliefs except when we got to know each other better we shared our faith stories.

We just go to mass, which follows traditional Catholic liturgy. Communion is for baptised Catholic but anyone is welcome for a blessing if they go up and cross their hands over their chest rather than holding out hands. Then we have tea and biscuits and chat. We have various organised activities and all ages attending.

I didn't get to know people straight away so I had to go along to tea and biscuits and sit with people and introduce myself. I ended up getting more involved in church but it took time so don't expect it to happen overnight.

I didn't really believe when I went. I found it all a bit bonkers but amazed at all the people with settled faith. I prayed to be like that. Eventually I did find out God really exists. That was a weird experience but a good one. I'm still trying to understand my faith but I am happy to be Catholic and settled in my faith in God.

I've been a member of different Churches over the decades, and all of them would welcome people who just want to find out more, or who would say they weren't believers but were curious.
In reality, no-one would ask you what you believe. As long as you aren't sitting there shouting 'What a load of rubbish' no-one would even know.
As pps have said, some Churches do run courses where people can find out more.
More and more Churches are running bereavement courses now, too.
Many Churches will have mid-week groups (often in small groups in people's houses) that you can join and find out more.
But also, many Churches will have activities going on through the week you could get involved in and get to know more people, whether you believe or not.
My current Church has Warm Welcome one day, lunch club another, coffee morning (with craft group for those that want it) another, and board games another. Then there's a prayer group, a rambling group, a gardening group, a Church cleaning rota, and all sorts of things you can get involved in - again, without having to declare your faith to anyone.

@Chefpig

So sorry for your loss. I started attending when we moved closer to our lovely village church as I was/am going through an awful family situation. I found it very calming and peaceful. At first I would stay only for the Sunday morning service but after a while, I stayed for coffee and was made to feel very welcome. I now meet up with two lovely parishioners who have helped me so much as one is going through a similar situation and the other is a lawyer who has been unbelievably kind and helpful.

If you don’t have too high an expectation of immediately feeling ‘better’ then hopefully you will find it a positive experience. Sit at the back and think about your loved ones for a few weeks.

People will start to recognise you and stop for a chat if you seem open to it (some people want to be left alone which is fine). As time goes on, you might want to volunteer to help with the church’s events/charity work.

It does depend a bit on the church- I would try your parish CofE who will be used to people going for-among other things-social reasons. And there will probably be things you can get involved in it that might be something you’d enjoy. Avoid the Alpha courses like the plague.

Hi everyone. Thank you for all your replies. I'm going to pop over to the church near me next Sunday and see how I get on. It's definitely worth a try. They have lots of opportunities to get involved.

I am an atheist and I could never start believing in God. It sounds like you are perhaps and understandably seeking comfort and community. I think many people find that going to church. I know quite a few people active in church, but I think it’s the community which draws them the most.

I agree. It is the sense of community which holds people together. You do always get a few snooty churchy people, but they are few and far between and they are fairly easy to ignore.