‘It’s too complicated’- dementia?

[BarbaraVineFan]

My dad is very intelligent, has a PhD, worked in a professional role all his life, was a big reader. He is now 87 and in excellent physical health, but mentally is definitely a lot slower.

His refrain about almost everything (booking tickets, setting up a new toy for my DD, organising anything) is ‘it’s too complicated’ (even when I am doing something myself, if it takes more than 5 mins dad will be proclaiming ‘ that looks very complicated!’). I have also noticed that he doesn’t read instructions properly and then ends up getting in a muddle and blaming the company (‘ the instructions are far too complicated, it’s ridiculous!’) I usually end up doing things for him to avoid this, although he gets upset if he feels undermined, so I have to tread carefully!

My question is, could this be a sign of dementia? Or is it just normal cognitive decline at his age? His memory is also terrible but he is able to answer cognitive tests with no problem (no, my dad is not Donald Trump!) Any advice welcome.

What about his eye sight?

His eye sight is ok with glasses.

What other tasks do you end up doing for him?

I’ve always done that with instructions, perhaps like me he doesn’t have the patience

I tend to do all his technology related tasks, I book holidays and tickets for him, I help him fill in forms. Other things he is ok with. It’s just strange to me that the tasks he struggles with are those that would previously have been his strengths.

I’ve not long passed 40 and sometimes I can’t be bothered with learning the whole process of something, just for a 5 minute job. For example, I’d always change my windscreen wipers and car bulbs, now I have kids and simply cannot be bothered to listen to them whinging whilst I YouTube it, then try and do it whilst simultaneously entertaining them and 5 other jobs at the same time. I get he’s probably not got young kids around, but for me if it takes longer to learn the process than actually do what I’m trying to do, I just offload the task to DH, who seems to have an abundance of spare time 🤨

I’m sorry to say My Dad’s Alzheimers started this way.
ex. Couldnt work out the parking ticket machine at the airport when he collected me, or contructing a simple paper puzzle with DC was “too complicated”. He felicitated me for managing to do it.
Going for a country walk (semi rugged) was too complicated …..

I'm not a doctor, but a significant decline in what was once something he aced is a cause for concern.

My ex PiL is like that (same age too). No dementia... he is has been like it for years. if he can't do something straight away, he gets in a right piss, gives up, and blames everything/everyone else.

I remember trying to help my mum programme her bread maker when she was in early stages of dementia, she had done it 100s of times before.
At 87 it would not be unusual to have some dementia symptoms, unfortunately it is no respecter of previous intellectual ability.

At 87 years old it could be either or both?
My DM is 83 and her fav refrain is 'I can't remember'.
She gets my kids to do technical tasks for her

Difficult to know

Dad is the same age and some things he seems not to manage anymore, some things he does.

My grandad had the same sort of educational and professional background (PhD, career in engineering) as your dad and really was unable to problem solve once over 80 - maybe earlier. He went well into his 90s with no obvious dementia.

He’s 87! Fantastic that he is still engaged and cognizant to some degree. We all struggle as we age.

This sounds just like my dad :(

Treatments have progressed since my Dad’s time.
(He declined so rapidly. )
The trouble is persuading them to see a specialist. or even their GP.

Mild cognitive impairment is relatively common at that age, and doesn’t always lead to dementia. If it does turn out to be a progressive disease like Alzheimer’s you will continue to notice a decline; symptoms like disorientation in places that should be familiar would be much more concerning.

Well, he certainly does forget familiar routes and need reminding. Not ones he drives every day, but ones he drives every few weeks.

It does sound like he has some cognitive decline. How is his short term memory? My MIL had dementia and it was short term memory loss that was most noticeable - she wouldn't be able to tell you what she did yesterday and would repeatedly tell you the same thing 10 or 20 times in a day.

Can you get him to visit his GP as a first step? You could make the appointment and speak to the GP first and say you're concerned about his cognitive decline and would like a memory test.

He’s 87! Of course there’s some things he’s likely to find more difficult because life is more difficult now than it was even 20 years ago! Technology changes at breakneck speed - it’s hard to keep up for many people. As I’ve got older, there’s some things I just can’t be bothered with any more. For example, my grandchildren got Lego for Christmas. Thirty years ago if I’d bought my DC Lego, we would have built all sorts of things with it. Now it comes as a kit with pages of instructions and tiny little pieces so you can make all sorts of amazing models with it. Except the thing you make has to be the picture on the box. You have to follow the instructions carefully. It’s complicated.
Another example, we have just switched over from Virgin TV to Sky TV. So now I have to learn a whole new way of operating the system. 30 years ago, it was far simpler.
Give your DF a break. He’s well past his prime, is trying to live his best life, is most likely well aware of his decline and is probably a bit anxious about what the rest of his life will look like.

My DM (similar age to your DF) struggles to problem solve things that she would previously have managed, such as the heating thermostat. Her short term memory is also extremely poor, and has worsened considerably in the last few years, so she needs a lot more support than previously, despite being in very good physical health. She has seen the memory service, had a brain scan and they have diagnosed mild cognitive impairment. Whether this will develop into something more serious I don’t know but they were very clear that she didn’t have dementia, which was our concern. How is your DF’s memory?

I’m not sure why you are taking that hectoring tone. I am fully aware that at 87 he will find things more challenging. I’m posting because I’m not sure if he needs to be tested for dementia/Alzheimer’s or if this is normal cognitive decline.

His memory is shocking, to be honest. He is starting to forget words for things as well.

Definitely worth getting an appointment with the memory service. DM was referred via GP. I was sure she would get a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s but they were very clear that it isn’t that. And if it is Alzheimer’s then getting early treatment can really help.

@BarbaraVineFanI was just thinking about this. Do you have Power of Attorney in place? It might be useful to get this sorted now so that you can activate it with various organisations as your DF needs more support. My DM continues to live independently day to day with additional support from us when it comes to dealing with utility companies, banking etc. This is especially useful for us as we don’t live really close and can speak to organisations on the phone on her behalf without her having to be there.

Thanks for asking @Thesockthief. In fact we do already have this set up, which is a comfort.

it is really strange in a way because there are lots of things he can do really well- meal planning and shopping, he does the crossword, he watches the news and is aware of what is going on in the world. He speaks fluent French and has not noticeably lost the ability (or not more than usual for someone who hasn’t used it much lately). I suppose that’s why it’s so strange when he gets flustered by a parking machine, or forgets the word for something quite basic, or when it becomes apparent that he has forgotten whole swathes of his life :(