I feel guilty even writing this, but I need to just write it somewhere rather than keeping it inside me forever.
My ex lives in the same town and have mutual friends. We were only together for a year, got on fine, didn’t really argue, spent reasonable amount of time together.
He broke my god damn heart.
I went to a party one night, he told me he was working, the party I was at decided to head to a local club, I walk in with my friends and see him with his arm around another girl.
I’ve never felt so fucking betrayed in my life.
But I was young and stupid and felt like I loved him so I forgave him and we continued the relationship. He decided one day he didn’t want the relationship, but wanted to continue sleeping together, so I did.. hoping he would want the relationship later on.
Then I met DH, we became friends at first through mutual friends, started seeing him more in social situations, out with friends ect.
I liked him, so I stopped seeing ex, kind of gathered he was using me for sex anyway so what’s the point. Ex then started texting more, wanted back in a relationship, started turning up to places I was at when he wasn’t expected.
Eventually I decided I’d been hurt enough and the trust wasn’t there. Started dating current DH.
13 years later, we’re married, have two children, happy. Except whenever I see my ex tagged in friends posts, or our and about my stomach and chest feel heavy and I just feel the way I did when I saw him in the club with another girl. I just feel sick.
He’s now married and has a child too. I hate the way I feel about it. I almost feel jealous but I’m happy in my own marriage and love DH.
I don’t know why this far down the road I still feel like this. Is that just what betrayal is? I hate it but I can’t even really escape it.