Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Happily married but heart sinks when I see my ex.

1 reply

Brainsnotsomuch · 01/01/2026 16:05

I feel guilty even writing this, but I need to just write it somewhere rather than keeping it inside me forever.

My ex lives in the same town and have mutual friends. We were only together for a year, got on fine, didn’t really argue, spent reasonable amount of time together.

He broke my god damn heart.
I went to a party one night, he told me he was working, the party I was at decided to head to a local club, I walk in with my friends and see him with his arm around another girl.

I’ve never felt so fucking betrayed in my life.

But I was young and stupid and felt like I loved him so I forgave him and we continued the relationship. He decided one day he didn’t want the relationship, but wanted to continue sleeping together, so I did.. hoping he would want the relationship later on.

Then I met DH, we became friends at first through mutual friends, started seeing him more in social situations, out with friends ect.
I liked him, so I stopped seeing ex, kind of gathered he was using me for sex anyway so what’s the point. Ex then started texting more, wanted back in a relationship, started turning up to places I was at when he wasn’t expected.

Eventually I decided I’d been hurt enough and the trust wasn’t there. Started dating current DH.

13 years later, we’re married, have two children, happy. Except whenever I see my ex tagged in friends posts, or our and about my stomach and chest feel heavy and I just feel the way I did when I saw him in the club with another girl. I just feel sick.
He’s now married and has a child too. I hate the way I feel about it. I almost feel jealous but I’m happy in my own marriage and love DH.

I don’t know why this far down the road I still feel like this. Is that just what betrayal is? I hate it but I can’t even really escape it.

OP posts:
JudgingJudy · 01/01/2026 16:31

Would counselling be an option? I think you need to forgive your younger self for the second and third chances you gave him.
Your logical brain will tell you he is a tosser and you are well rid. Remember, it was you that finished it, in the end.
Forgive and love your younger self. I'm spite of some mistakes, you picked a good man, and he picked you. I can feel your pain from that scene in the club. But you suppressed it and invalidated it by giving him more chances.
It's complicated.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page