Preparing your child for secondary school

[Soubriquet]

My oldest daughter is already in secondary school. My son starts in September

However he is very “babyish”. He loves his teddy bears and snuggles with them at night. He has his blanket that he drapes around his shoulders and he sleeps with a night light.

DH was badly bullied in secondary school, and he is terrified of ds going through the same thing. He keeps saying ds needs to outgrow his teddies. That we need to take them away but ds gets upset when mentioned.

I personally don’t think they need to go. My room is like a Squishmallow factory however I know teen kids can be cruel. I was bullied too, so I know how bad it can be, but I really don’t want to upset ds by removing his bears just so we can make sure he isn’t bullied in school….

Are you worried about his friends seeing them when they come round? Lots of early secondary age kids still have loads of soft toys, both mine still do. It would never occur to me to make them get rid of them. You could either tidy them away (difficult if friends come over unexpectedly) or get a cabin bed so they are high up out of sight?

We don’t have friends round the home, due to various reasons so people won’t see, but because ds acts so childish, I think dh is hoping that it will help him grow up a bit.

Ds really struggles with making friends. So we really want to do something to help him

try and get him to make his own way to secondary school if possible

School will likely have a transition group that he can join to make friends and smooth the transition. Worth enquiring about closer to the start time.
There will be other kids in the same situation but I do understand your concerns.
BBC Bitesize has some activities around starting secondary school. Might be worth having a look at those.

My DS is in sixth form and still has his ‘fellers’ in his bed, friends round would be downstairs anyway so no bother there and he loves them so I’m not taking them away…he doesn’t take them away on school trips, sleepovers etc

The teddies aren’t a problem.

as a secondary teacher I would:

make sure he can tie he shoelaces - there will be some kids in year 7 with Clarks Velcro shoes on, but they are the minority. Laces all the way.

lots of primary schools make them go in their PE kit to school now which is great, but can mean for some year 7’s school can be the first time they are getting changed by themselves. Make sure he can get in and out of his uniform fast.

make sure he doesn’t believe in Santa.

do not by a lunchbox - any old Tupperware will do.

the will be far more useful!

My son is starting high school in Sept 2026. When do I break the news about Santa and how??!!! Defo doing it before then. I cant believe he hasn't heard at primary tbh!

God please don’t take his teddies away! He’s still only little!!!

My DS is in Yr 7 and his bedroom is surrounded by cuddlies! Please just leave him be, it’s not like he’s going to be taking them with him!

Don't remove the teddies, if he does struggle at secondary school then being happy and comfortable at home will be even more important for him. Agree with PP, teach him the practical skills that he will need.

My friends daughter was in year 7 and invited a friend round. The 'friend' told other kids she still had teddies and then was bullied! Very sad.
Why don't you start suggesting hes a big boy now and slowly wean him off the comfort blanket etc? Kids can be very cruel

Also a secondary teacher. Buy him a plain Nike backpack and puffer coat. Do not buy him smiggle stuff or babyish Minecraft type things for school- no mountain warehouse or cagoules however tempting it is.

does he have SEND? If he does ask for an extra transition day. We do a series of send transform days. Go for a tour of the school with the SENCO or a TA or head of year.

teddies are fine for home! Ensure he has a phone

Can your DH not see that by badgering your DS like this to force him to give these things up before he's ready, that your DH is guilty of the very thing he's most afraid of? He's bullying the poor kid and making him feel bad.

Thanks all for the advice

He doesn’t believe in Santa. That’s been over for a few years now. I don’t think he can tie laces but it will be something to practice. He will be entitled to free school lunches, so I won’t have to worry about lunch boxes. Plain backpacks are the way to go. Dd has a plain purple backpack that is going well.

I will talk to dh about the teddies and encourage him to leave them for now.

He doesn’t have a phone, but neither does dd. It’s something we are working on.

DS is on the SEND register at primary school which I hope carries on to secondary so they can help him a little