Receiving cards from estranged family

[OverHung639]

Hello - looking for a solution to stop receiving birthday and Christmas cards from estranged relative.

Been estranged from sister nearly 10 years but she continues to send cards every year to my DDs. I have intercepted them all but now it's time to do something.

I don't want to contact them to ask them to stop because they don't respect boundaries.

I thought of returning to sender but then it still gets posted through my door.

Can they be stopped before they get to my house?

Now I've written this post I think there may be no solution.

The only people I know who think like this IRL are my relatives who I cut off after years of abuse.

Sorry, no, my family member is a convicted paedophile, who abused a child the same age and sex as my child. And their partner is a facilitator of abuse, was their cover so they could attend ‘family resorts’ even with no young children of their own, so that he could abuse children there. They don’t have a right to a relationship with my children and so long as my children live with me, it’s my job to protect them and they don’t get a choice about a relationship with these perverts. Good parents create safe healthy homes for their children and I’ll keep right on binning that shit, thanks.

I am in this situation. It’s been going on for around 15 years now.

Everything goes straight in the bin unopened and I pay it no more mind. Even opening the letters lets that person into your head more than they should be.

You can’t control your sister but you can control your reaction to this, and this is what works for me.

We will tell both dds when they reach the right age. We will give them the context.

I fully understand I can't control who they choose to have relationships with when they are adults. I've had plenty chats with them so far around difficulties with peers and signs of when people don't have your best interests at heart. It's about surrounding yourself with people that do.

I've had a lifetime of not standing up for myself and not knowing what my own needs are because it was safer to be a different version of myself to please parents and sister. You can bet I'm trying to teach my dds to do the opposite whilst trying to learn myself.

I encourage debate, I want them to feel their emotions and understand them. Speak up when they are not happy. I never want them to feel like they have to pussy foot and pander to anyone.

Maybe people who don't understand had nice supportive upbringings or perhaps they haven't realised they've been wronged.

I get this every Christmas and birthday(s) always the same old shite in there about loving them when they actually have done anything but love them for several years now and actively sought to out them in harm’s way. Always passive aggressive comments and trying to provoke a reaction from me. At some point they might realise it will never work if not I will just continue to put their deluded crap straight in the bin where it belongs.

I entirely agree. It is very clear that PP is someone who is not willing to accept that relationships are a two way thing. The double standard is right there in their own post.

OP, does your elder DD have a social media presence? If so, I think you should consider the possibility that your sister may use that as a way of making contact with your DD directly. I think the best approach is to be as open and specific as you can be with your elder DD re why you are not in contact with your sister. I would also discuss the fact that if your sister does make contact, your DD does not owe her any kind of response.

Yes she does but not on the media you'd think. I don't think my sister has much of a presence either. I certainly don't.

We have talked to eldest DD about it in more detail because she did ask recently will we ever be friends again.

Good point though about preparing her for a time that she does get in contact

They thrive on feedback; positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. It will be fuel for her to keep pushing harder. She will know if she does enough annoying stuff that you will contact her, and she needs that. If you ignore her, you’re slowly killing the monster. Starve it, basically.