About to give up..

[MumDem]

I have honestly tried everything I can think of to no end just failing.
I made this account as I'm so isolated, no friends, no family.

I have 2 children, aged 12 and 6. I have no interests that align with them, they are very unappreciative, not caring and have no thought about anyone else but themselves, which in turn just makes me feel like I'm just there to make sure they are fed and watered, nothing else. I want a connection with them both, but they just don't care.

On the other hand, I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with my partner of nearly 3 years, he refuses to take accountability for anything, refuses to say sorry when he's in the wrong and on a weekly basis ends the relationship so he can get his own way to make me be quiet.

I suffer really bad with anxiety and have no support network to even fall on to make sence of what my life has become, I'm drowning in my own thoughts and feelings. It's getting to the point where I'm not sure I can carry on anymore.

From everyone I do have in my life, they all make me feel invisible, not heard and replaceable. I just don't know what to do anymore...

You need to end this abusive toxic soul destroying relationship first and foremost. Think honestly, how present can you really be with your kids when you’re in emotional turmoil all the time?
End the relationship and focus on healing yourself and building a stronger connection with your kids. It will come when you can be more present, and that comes when you heal from all the things that make your self esteem so low that you’d stay in an abusive relationship for so long.
It’s not an overnight fix but it’s worth it, I’ve been there.

You and your children are suffering. You may think you are shielding them from what is going on with your partner but it’s clear they are not coping either.

You need to finish with him and then rebuild your relationship and gain the trust and respect from your children in order to form a loving bond.

The longer you stay with this man the wider the gap between you and your children will become.

If you're in an abusive relationship, the first thing you need to do is find a way to end it. You can contact Women's Aid for help, advice and support to do this safely. It might seem impossibly difficult to face but I promise you, once you are out of this relationship, your life will improve immeasurably.

You need to rebuild your relationship with your children - I don't believe that they don't care about you, they are being damaged by seeing their mother in an abusive relationship. You speak about them so coldly that you seem detached from motherly emotions. I think you should access some family counselling to explore how to rebuild your relationship with them.

One thing at a time.

The relationship needs to go. Yes, you’ll be on your own, but realistically, how much support does he give you now? And how much does he drain you? Get rid of him. Do the Freedom Project. Plan a year at least, on your own, getting your life to exactly where you want it to be, before you start thinking about inviting other people into it.

There are people in our lives who have to be there (colleagues, children’s other parent etc) and there are optional extra people who are in our lives because we choose them (partners, friends etc). You can cope without them, but they just make things better. Have no optional extra people who don’t make you feel happy, or who continually take more than they give.

Once you’ve got rid of this dickhead, then you can start working on your relationships with the children and then your social life. You’re not alone. There’s a support network here for you. And you don’t even need to change out of your jimmers to have a chat.