At what age would you leave children to play with others with a closed door?

[dojaree]

At what age would you be comfortable for two children to be playing in a room together without adult supervision?

Would you be ok with the door closed?

My dc have done it from age 4 ish I guess. They go in playroom and close the door mainly because they play music or whatnot too. There's nothing in there that's dangerous and can't play with unsupervised . I check them regularly

From about 2/3 years old, door open or closed doesn't really bother me as they are loud enough as it is

Would it make a difference if the children were of the opposite sex?

Not at this age no. Maybe once they are into early teens, but as little kids no difference to me

No, not under the age of 12ish

What age children are you worried about?
if there was a big age gap and an unfamiliar relationship between the two, there isn’t really a good time.

What exactly is it that you’re worried about?

2-3 depending on the child and what they could access in the room.

Yeah this. What kind of children does OP know who will suddenly start SAing or beating eachother up as soon as they're behind closed doors?! As that's what's being implied.

What are you asking exactly? Whether a brother and sister can play behind closed doors? Erm yes? What?

I mean child on child abuse or HSB probably. Why they are concerned is the more important question.

Always too worried about sexual type behavior.
Sneaky lies etc.
So sadly never. Especially as they get nearer to teen years.

As toddlers?

Well that’s what happened to me as a 6 year old.

Good grief

knowing what me and my neighbour got up to from about the age of 7/8 doors would stay very open..

It’s not wrong to be concerned about potential behaviours. Teach your children that their genitals are private and that other people’s genitals are private, and to say if they feel uncomfortable and to tell you if they are unhappy. But I’d do that with any combination of ages and sexes.

My DC are relatively young still but my DH & I have decided we'll have an open door policy until they're teens. This includes siblings and bedrooms.

We also don't allow them to play in bedrooms / upstairs with people outside of our nuclear families. E.g. cousins or friends.

I think people have an assumption CSA is driven by sexual or power dynamics all of the time. In most cases it's more tragic - curious children with opportunity, as of yet undeveloped impulse control, or simply unaware it's not appropriate behaviour. The stats are 1/4 girls and 1/6 boys, and most perpetrators are in fact children themselves.

Edited to add, we allow our 4 year old to play in a different room with pals - but doors open, and I sporadically pop in and out every few minutes.

I understand why your fear given your history. But you cannot have eyes on your child 24/7 as they get older. The risk is always there
You wouldn't be able to insist another parent had an open door policy for example, so would you never allow your child a playdate elsewhere? The costs to your child start to outweigh the risks once you go down that road.
The best you can do is teach your child about privacy (see NSPCC Pants etc) and develop a trusting and open relationship where they know they can confide in you.

Surely the most important time to have an open door policy is with teens....

Until they’re teens? You’ll end the open door policy then?
When they’re teens is exactly the time you need an open door policy…

Certainly I left my 2 year old playing independently, so I can’t see why I wouldn’t leave two 2 year olds. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, not on a busy road or in front of an open fire or for 2 hours alone. But probably for a time from 2, more likely 3/4. Definitely at 4, I didn’t always know where mine was. 😂 We live rurally and he’d be off in a field or in a barn or in the woods playing and I’d have to go and find him. Sometimes I’d have to message the neighbours (with dc the same age) and we’d have to find what pile of dirt they were all off digging in.

But sorry, OP, I think your approach is bonkers and I say this as someone who experienced CSA and with a safeguarding background. We keep children safe by creating healthy, sensible environments and teaching them to trust their guts and speak openly about things that worry them, but by creating a home life based on surveillance.

I'm so sorry that happened. I can understand then why you're extra vigilant.

for me they can play in another room (say living room) while i'm in the kitchen, and they can play in a bedroom (if that's where toys are kept) but there is zero reason why a door needs to be shut.
toddlers are simply too little and unpredictable and need to be watched especially with other children. they are known to cut each other's hair, crayon on the walls and heck some are not even toilet trained so no solo playing in another room with doors shut. little kids in a shut room is a sure fire way for furniture to be top coated with nail polish, couch cushions to get a tiny hole cut out and your favorite plant to be uprooted.
that's what parenting is, silent supervising, rewarding good behavior and extracting them from dangerous situations until they are old enough to deal with some things on their own.

@Hercisback1 @GalaxyJam teens seems so far off at the moment I haven't thought that far ahead really! Trying to balance giving my DC a normative childhood, while keeping them safe from situations I know can happen all too easily.

Very interesting to hear the approaches others have taken.