Am I depressed or is it just life with young kids?

[LibraryUser]

I feel low and have done for a while. I'm sad, sometimes cross and angry and generally despondent inwardly. I often just want to be on my phone/watch TV (but don't due to circumstances below).

I have two kids under 5, work full time, have a house that is a do-er upper. Young kids and work mean that I just don't have a lot of time to do much else - once home and bath, bed time done (still take a while to go to sleep) and I've eaten, I'm tired, grumpy and not enthused to do much, even if there was time. I seem to also need a reasonable amount of sleep, so try to be in bed at 10pm. DH is good, caring, does his share, works full-time as well, we both give each other lie ins at weekends.

I have so many plans to do small things to improve my home and life (DiY, exercise etc), but I just don't and can't and feel so miserable generally.

I genuinely don't know if this is just me reacting to the hard - and v busy - stage of life that it is, or being depressed. When I look up depression symptoms, I could tick a lot of boxes, but isn't that also just part of life as a parent to young kids, esp mums with all the extra hormones or periods/peri etc?

Sorry you’re feeling this way. I think if it’s a constant feeling that doesn’t have good days and bad days then it’s worth a trip to the doctors. When did you start feeling like this?

Being a working parent with young children is relentless but there should also be moments of joy. If you rarely or never feel any joy and are mostly sad and despondent I think you should speak to your doctor.

I think it's a constant underlying feeling. I do have moments of things I enjoy - although I had to think quite hard about when after your comment! I don't think I'd use the word joy though, that feels....strong.

I mostly just want to hide away from everything and everyone and scroll on my phone or watch TV, which I know is very passive and not helpful, but I feel drawn to it. I manage to not do this all the time and keep my work and family life going, but I do want to just go an sit quietly and unbothered somewhere. But most parents feel a bit like this I think!

I’m in almost exactly the same living situation as you (both work full time, house renovation, two tiny kids) so I really understand. It’s a hard stage of life - and my retired in laws telling me how busy and stressed they are over Christmas made me rage!!

I take an antidepressant (20mg citalopram) and honestly for me it really helps the grumpiness. Also, my husband and I always carve out time away from the rest of the family at weekends. We don’t need to spend the entire time together. So he will take the kids to soft play for a few hours and I can exercise and shower (and scroll) for a few hours. He can go and play 9 holes of golf. It’s an absolute non negotiable for us to retain our sanity. Sometimes he will take them out all day so I really can relax. And I’ll do the same for him.

This morning I’ve been for a run. It’s only 30 minutes away from the family but it will really help my sanity for the rest of the day.

Hi, I really hear you. I’m Latifah, mum to three little ones, and your words felt so familiar — that mix of tiredness, sadness, and wondering if it’s just the stage of life or something deeper. You’re doing so much: full-time work, two under five, a home that needs care, and still trying to hold onto your plans and sense of self. That’s a huge emotional load.

I often remind myself that exhaustion and low mood don’t mean we’re failing — they mean we’re human, stretched thin, and in need of gentleness. Whether it’s depression or just the relentlessness of this season, you deserve support, rest, and kindness. Even small things — like a quiet moment, a validating chat, or a space where you don’t have to explain — can help.

Just wanted to put a few ideas here - in empathy - in case they help. Appreciate it’s hard to make a start on these…

1. tell your husband how you feel
2. have some time away from the kids for a reset
3. speak to a friend
4. go to the dr and consider antidepressants / HRT (not sure of your age?)
5. consider your exercise and diet and if they could give your mood a boost

I think if you’re asking if it’s just normal kid stuff, possibly you know it’s a bit more than that.