God awful anxiety.. need a hand hold

[Sarnieshortofapicnic]

Trying to sleep but I’m jerking away, riddled with anxiety. I’ve had it all of my life and I’m now late thirties.

I have awful health anxiety, especially mental health anxiety (the irony) and the fear of being not in control or not in “my right mind”. This has lead into ocd specifically about food being spiked or contaminated (with drugs for example) and orthorexia.

Im perimenopausal and Im on HRT and feel no bloody better.

I made a meal tonight and opened a jar of chipotle paste and the lid didn’t feel like it had been on tight. I then couldn’t eat the sauce I’d made with it, just incase. Second meal the same thing. It’s exhausting.

I’ve had CBT and counselling. I eat very well, exercise and take supplements. I can’t take medication because of my fears of not feeling well or different or out of control. Vicious circle I know.

I also had a very traumatic childhood with a mentally ill alcoholic mother who was often sectioned so I’m aware of where my fears come from.

Im very tired. Literally and figuratively.

I’m sorry that sounds so tough. Switch off plugs in the room you’re sleeping in and put a ‘sleep story’ on YouTube and just focus on that. Get referred for counselling too, make next year your time to reclaim your calm it’ll change your life. Best wishes.

I have something very similar, panic disorder with a lot of phobias, and I’ve also gone through phases of having the spiked food and drink phobia. It’s so horrible and exhausting. I know you feel that medication isn’t an option for you, but would you ever reconsider? It’s what turned my life around. I started out on extremely low doses to avoid the “not in the right mind” feeling. I had my Lexapro in drops at the beginning. I’m also in Pregabalin for the panic attacks and my life is so different now. I know all the terrible sensations that you describe and it’s really hard to live like that.

Just a small thing that may help for right now is playing a random word game on your phone, like wordle or cemantle, or a crossword. It's helped me in the past to just focus on something so I stop the anxious thoughts.

Can you make yourself a cup of tea and sit up for a while, reading or watching a comfort show? 💐

I once tried propanol about 8 years ago and I had an adverse reaction to it which then resulted in me developing a massive fear of medications in general. I’ll only take something I know I’ve had in the past and been ok with. Like a certain antibiotic etc

Even things like magnesium which I’ve bought to try and help after hearing good things. It has been on my shelf for a year and because I’ve not taken it before, I can’t take the darn things!

For new medications such as the magnesium, could you start with tiny doses? Like crush one pill and just have a few of the little crumbs to start with? And gradually build up over days/weeks as you get more reassured of no adverse effects

Wishing you all the best xx

Thank you!

I do think exposure therapy is a good call. I just constantly have to feel “safe”.