Is anyone ageing worse than their parents?

[EvangelicalAboutButteredToast]

Spent the day with my octogenarian mother yesterday and it was startling how poorly I’m ageing by comparison. Thirty years between us and she looks amazing, has the energy of a woman half her age.

I know a lot of it is lifestyle and then genetics but my lifestyle is very healthy!! I am not good at handling stress so that probably plays a part. Anyone else feel like they’ve somehow let the side down by not being as healthy or youthful as their parents?

Are you going through the menopause? I felt decades older! It’s starting to right itself now though.

Yes although I am on HRT. I did wonder about that. Accelerated sudden ageing on my part perhaps.

My mother did no paid work, so she was in many ways retired by 42. She looked great, relaxed, plenty of time for exercise and recreation. It must make some difference.

It feels like the bar is set high and I cannot reach it. I don’t feel young. I don’t look young and yet my genetics must be pretty decent.

My DM has definitely aged better than me. However, she's never worked & spent her time at the gym, hobbies and social activities. DF gives her an allowance and all she has ever had to worry about is the food shop.& vacuuming. Did very little patenting. No stress at all, really.

Whereas I've worked my entire adult life, manged finances, household, DC therapies and activities and house repairs, etc. is it any wonder I am ageing worse than DM?

My mum definitely aged better than me. She never learned to drive, so walked everywhere. Her skin was fantastic right up into her late eighties. She had to have several squamous cell carcinomas removed from her face, so plenty of sun. The one on her nose needed a skin graft and the surgeon commented on her very youthful skin. How?🤣 I have stayed out of the sun since my early 20s and my face is saggy and patchy. She had Alzheimer’s, yet remained physically robust up until about a year before her death. I must take after my dad. He was youthful on the inside and old on the outside!! My biggest problem, I think, is that I have always suffered with anxiety and there’s no doubt that mental health problems take their toll physically.

Give yourself a break @EvangelicalAboutButteredToast

Comparison really is the thief of joy, isn’t it?

I am guessing that you still work - so many friend have retired and seem suddenly a decade younger

I can relate to your post so much!

My 87 year old dad seems to be in better shape than me or dh. he walks miles daily, has not been to the GP in years, takes no medications etc. meanwhile I can't walk far due to back pain and dh has two chronic health conditions which blight his daily life.

Exactly. So many older women have never worked or retired early. The current generation of women have never stopped working whilst bringing up kids. It's no wonder we aren't aging well. I've done 40 years of very stressful shift work ( nights shifts are known to take years off of life). Never even had proper full maternity leaves due to soaring house prices. Pushing 60 and still can't afford to retire.

Someone thought I was my Mum’s Mum :) Mum v glam though & v slim :) Anyone had that?

Not yet!

My DM has amazing skin for her age 82 - and she literally has no wrinkles!! She's lost weight recently as well. I'm 59, and although, my skin has more wrinkles many say I look young for my age. Told someone I was 59 recently, she misheard and say there's no way you look as old as 49!

Not saying I don't care how I look, but as I've got older I realise there are far more important things, ie those you love, your health, good friends and security

Absolutely not, no.

At my age (36), my parents had 3 children under 8 and did nothing but work, child-rear and argue. They had virtually no time for themselves, especially my mum. Life was dull and monotonous and they were knackered, physically and mentally.

By comparison, I have no kids and I put self-care and the pursuit of hobbies/interests at the centre of my life. My life is calm, varied and joyful. DP and I almost never argue.

They were late-middle-age in lifestyle and outlook by their 30s, I still feel about 24.

I am 57 and the same age now as mum was when she retired from her part time job in a school that gave her all the school holidays. I will be working for at least another ten years. At this point they had paid of their mortgage and had a camper van and travelled all over. At 70 they bought a static caravan and still lived life to the full.
Approaching 90 now and I have now cared for them for the last ten years an held down a full time job. I've fed, bathed, carried - done hospital visits, cleaned, shopped etc. They never had to look after parents alone as both came from large families and 3/4 parents had died by 70.

I won't be alive by 90 - I will be worn out.

My mum passed away aged 65 but she still looked good at the time. My dad is now 72 and he looks about 55, we all say he’s a vampire! I was hoping to have good genes, but I’ve just lost a stack of weight and like the sun too much, it’s not looking good!

My Mum looks great facially for 86 but she has severe arthritis but shes always saying how she bloomed after her menopause and she doesn't understand why I haven't but I think by the time my mum was my age it was just her and my dad, my two adult kids are at home and its very different to her generations, her mortgage was paid off as well she was working part time. As I say very different times.

I feel under pressure to do better somehow. Like I’ve let the side down and I’m pondering some aesthetic enhancements. I’m a good weight so I’m not feeling embarrassed about that but I have lots of creasing around my eyes, they are also pretty hollow and have aches and pains that make me pretty miserable.

About the same genetically but I think I dress a bit younger than my mum did at the same age (50s).