Do you charge your late teen rent?

[MarzipanMice]

My DS is 19 and has just started his first full time job. He’s just above the minimum wage level by a few pence per hour. He has a car which requires a lot of maintenance due to its age and his car insurance is expensive. He’s fairy good with his money and puts a set amount aside into savings each month. DH feels we should start charging DS rent, but I’m not sure I want to just now. Maybe if he was on a higher wage, but I’m not keen just now.

what do you do? And if you charge rent, what do you charge?

To be honest it seems like the middle class norm (from reading on here) is not to charge your adult children rent. I don’t agree with that TBH. I think it’s different if they’re at uni etc (the current situation for my son), but if earning in a full time job which they intend to continue with, I don’t see why they shouldn’t expect to contribute financially to the food over their head and the bills, just like they would have to if living anywhere else with anyone else.

I might take pity on him and charge him less than market rate and/or put the money in a savings account for him in the future, given the challenging financial and housing climate our young people are coming of age in. But honestly as a single parent I could do with the money to help cover costs.

And I also just think it’s good for young adults to understand the real costs of living sooner rather than later. I am noticing an increasing problem in that we now have a generation of young people entering the work place, and many of them live with their parents for free. That leads to them accepting work at a lower rate for the same job than any independent adult would agree to, as they don’t “need” the money in the same way. I believe it’s one of the factors driving down wages in my chosen career. That’s a problem for me and I worry at some point in the future this generation are going to have a very unpleasant wake-up call about the cost of things, and the wages they’ve accepted, when they finally start to be truly independent adults.

I would never charge DC to live in the family home.

So if they are 40, a higher rate tax payer, and have never lived independently you still wouldn't expect them to contribute?

At some point, don't you want them to become independent, for their own sake?

My sil is on min wage, for a long time she charged her working kids nothing...they took expensive holidays, flying long haul business class, had sports cars, football season tickets, wore expensive clothes. She paid all the bills - and couldn't afford to get a haircut or a new pair of shoes. When she did eventually ask them for a contribution they refused didn't see why they should have to. They pay now, not sure how much but I'd be very upset if my kids showed so little care for their mother - I wouldn't think they'll look after her in old age either - they don't seem to care, she's just a cash cow.
Shameful, entitled behaviour!

Yes I did and I also paid while living at home.

That’s an absurd hypothetical set of circumstances though.

I do want DC to be independent and that is precisely why I wouldn’t charge rent. The cost of housing is way out of kilter with wages these days so I would happily allow them to live at home and save up for a deposit. As my parents did for my brother and me back in the day. It allowed us to take career risks that have paid off too and we both now have great jobs and lovely owned homes and that would not have been possible without our parents both financially and emotionally supporting us. We remain a very close family and nothing in our family relationship is transactional. We regularly treat our parents to things they would never buy for themselves, including holidays and days out, and we are forever grateful for the start they gave us in life.

I also want DC to have a life and wouldn’t expect them to save every single penny. Life shouldn’t only be about working to pay bills. If they were lazy or wasteful that’s one thing, but the OP has been clear their child is not. Why would anyone want their children’s lives to be harder or more unhappy than they have to be?

Yes well we are not all that privileged unfortunately, when my son starts work ( hopefully this year ) he will be paying his way

Becsuse we can't afford to subsidise him.

It feels like there are quite a few parents on here who never want their kids to move out and maybe that's part of it?

No but I insist they save every month into a S&S isa and I do check that this is happening. If they didn’t I would charge rent and save it for them.

DD19 works full time and pays £250 a month which includes all food. She also runs a car and saves. We had a conversation with her about how much it costs to run the house and came to an agreement. I feel it’s important for young adults to understand the realities of adult life and to manage their money.

I know we are lucky to be in this position. And if we were not then I would perhaps take a different view.

But the OP says nothing about it being unaffordable for her and her husband and assume she would have said so if that was a factor. Where it is not unaffordable I cannot imagine charging DC to live in the family home. It’s their home as much as it is mine and my husband’s.

If thats the case why do only you and your DH contribute to the bills etc ?

Because we are the grown ups and we chose to have children! And we were able to buy a house at a time when it didn’t cost us 80% of our wages just to pay back the bank - a situation most kids will not be lucky enough to have nowadays.

Back in the 1960s when I was 16 it was called "keep" or "board" money which I always resented. There was no question of my parents putting aside money for me to save as a deposit. My mother gave up her part time job as soon as I began work. I always felt that every pound i gave over went onto my sisters back to provide her with nice new uniforms. No second hand dross for her.

When I began another job where I was paid by bank transfer my parents never knew what I earned because I never told them. I did tell them I was on the same basic salary as in the civil service (which was true) but as I worked two evenings a week and every other saturday I got a 25% unsocial hours allowance. After having a regular salary from me my parents said they could not afford to support me through 2 years of professional training, even though I was entitled to a full LEA grant. Eventually I qualified as a librarian by part time study and it took me longer.

I never forgave my parents for standing in my way. It was a tough lesson but it made me hard and sharp with money and a good businesswoman.

Adult children need to pay their way to acknowledge that things cost money. Rent is not the right word, it should be Food Money or Bill money. I was a single parent so yes, they had to pay their way! I think I said 15% of their wage was fair, then it was proportional to what they earned rather than a set £200 or whatever

This.

Does it matter if you call it board ,rent or whatever ?

My friend was so wealthy. Her boys had everything and more including new cars at 17 yada yada. One didn't start work till 19, lounging around playing Xbox games, still no pressure
Neither son ever bought mum anything for her birthday or mother's day, yet she màde sure dad had his gifts.
Terrible parenting yet the boys loved it
Postscript: kids on their 30s still living at home, no girlfriends nothing. But yes all the trappings they could wish for

No.
Not unless you're on benefits/minimum wage and struggling.
They're your child in the family home. Not a lodger.

Only they are not a child ,they are adult with a full time job.

I think you can manage that without charging rent? Mine lived at home on and off as young adults, we didn't charge them. Now they're in their 30s living independently, and manage to pay rent and utilities no problem.

They don't stop being your offspring, and loved members of the family unit.

Maybe you can
You dont however get to tell other families they can.

I think you have the wrong poster. Never once have I told other families what to do. Their choice. I'm expressing my personal opinion on it.
As are you

So charging them rent means you dont love them ,ok.