Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Is anyone else’s MIL like this?

15 replies

Ginagogo · 26/12/2025 19:52

My MIL has always been weirdly jealous and competitive about our children, they have to look like their side of the family and would insist they look like her great aunt Gertrude instead of acknowledging they look like their own Mother

Anyway we have spent Christmas with both sets of parents this year, hosted at my parents (we do this every year as we all get on and like to have Christmas Day with both sets of parents) Every time my Mum mentioned my daughter my MIL had to interrupt and say “Well when Lily was at my house last week…” or “Lily reminds me so much of my son when he was a child, Ginagogo didn’t get a look in with these 2 did she” and it’s absolutely constant to the point my mum feels like she can’t mention anything as my MIL acts like it’s a competition and gets argumentative. If my mum says something about my daughter, my MIL will disagree and say the opposite. It ended today with my MIL giving everyone the silent treatment when she found out we are having my parents over for lunch tomorrow, even though my PIL have plans to visit my SIL and her children 2 hours away

Shes always been a bit like this but it’s really ramped up recently. We do see my parents more as my kids aren’t at school yet and they are retired, where as my in-laws still work full time. MIL seems miffed if I mention time spent with my parents. We see PIL every other weekend at least so it’s not like we don’t see them.

Does anyone have any advice how I can squash this? My husband wants to bring it up but I’ve said no as I don’t want to cause any hostility

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2025 19:56

It's a teeny clue that parents and IL's don't mix very well at high maintenance times like Christmas.

redbusbeepbeep · 26/12/2025 19:59

It’s a Mum of boys thing I’m afraid, they get awfully jealous of the wife’s parents. I’ve seen it so many times over the years

Ginagogo · 26/12/2025 20:03

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2025 19:56

It's a teeny clue that parents and IL's don't mix very well at high maintenance times like Christmas.

Possibly, although this is her behaviour in general, not just on Christmas. We actually only started having Christmas together because we were worried about how she’d react if we didn’t have it with them one year - this was pre kids!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2025 20:19

I just think Christmas is too highly charged to do it. Please set your boundaries and don't make a rod for your own back. Be very clear from about Feb that next Christmas is your mum's turn and thereafter it's alternated.

As a MIL, I'd rathwr stick pins in my eyes than spend Christmas with DIL and her parents, and they are very nice. It osn't a habit I'll be starting. DD's BF's mum is constantly inviting us for dinner. We decline, the young people need their space and emotional privacy.

Buscobel · 26/12/2025 20:25

I very much enjoyed the company of my DiL’s parents. We weren’t at all jealous of them.

BlackCatFanClub · 26/12/2025 20:29

My MIL was what you would call a disinterested GP. But I remember her being super competitive with my SILs parents when their first child was small.

BettysRoasties · 26/12/2025 20:31

Yes I don’t know what it is.
Why my baby could look like great great aunty Lilly’s brothers cousins uncle, Before they got anything from me.

How all the dh family have whatever trait and everyone on dh side does this so it’s no wonder baby does.

Clearly my dna and genes have nothing and dh clearly reproduced with himself 😂😅

Ginagogo · 26/12/2025 20:40

Buscobel · 26/12/2025 20:25

I very much enjoyed the company of my DiL’s parents. We weren’t at all jealous of them.

That’s lovely. Our parents genuinely really get on, and have met up for lunch/ a drink together on multiple occasions without us being there so I’m not sure why my MIL behaves this way

OP posts:
Ginagogo · 26/12/2025 20:43

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2025 20:19

I just think Christmas is too highly charged to do it. Please set your boundaries and don't make a rod for your own back. Be very clear from about Feb that next Christmas is your mum's turn and thereafter it's alternated.

As a MIL, I'd rathwr stick pins in my eyes than spend Christmas with DIL and her parents, and they are very nice. It osn't a habit I'll be starting. DD's BF's mum is constantly inviting us for dinner. We decline, the young people need their space and emotional privacy.

We’ve had Christmas together for 10 years now Grin but just had our 5th together since having children. Christmas definitely isn’t the issue, we still had a really good day, it’s just the comments in general, this year it happened to annoy me on Christmas Day but maybe that’s because I’ve bit my tongue now for so long

OP posts:
HouseWithASeaView · 26/12/2025 20:45

In our case, it’s my mum who is like this. She is weirdly possessive about my DC and always has been. My DC are the only grandchildren on both sides of the family and it’s likely to stay this way and both sets of grandparents live several hours away so you would expect them to have a fairly equal relationship with the DC. Fortunately, MIL is quite chilled and doesn’t engage in the competition. I haven’t discussed it with her but I think she knows it’s nonsense as my DC are now teens and DC1 in particular will raise an eyebrow when my mum is talking nonsense about how much something she has said or done means to DC1. I find the whole thing really annoying (and quite embarrassing) and do try to get her to tone it down a notch. What my mum doesn’t seem to realise is that this actually puts up a barrier between her and the DC so actually weakens their relationship.

Summerhillsquare · 26/12/2025 20:59

redbusbeepbeep · 26/12/2025 19:59

It’s a Mum of boys thing I’m afraid, they get awfully jealous of the wife’s parents. I’ve seen it so many times over the years

Something to do with anxiety about genes and proving paternity. So deeply unconscious but compulsive. My exMIL was like this once her other son had kids, she went a bit mad.

labamba18 · 26/12/2025 21:45

Summerhillsquare · 26/12/2025 20:59

Something to do with anxiety about genes and proving paternity. So deeply unconscious but compulsive. My exMIL was like this once her other son had kids, she went a bit mad.

I’m a boy mum and seriously hope I don’t get like this but seems quite common!

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 26/12/2025 21:49

Mil you sound about 12 when you say things like that...
Then go make yourself another drink!!
Sounds like you deserve a few..

Brefugee · 26/12/2025 22:02

Ginagogo · 26/12/2025 20:03

Possibly, although this is her behaviour in general, not just on Christmas. We actually only started having Christmas together because we were worried about how she’d react if we didn’t have it with them one year - this was pre kids!

Yeah - sack that off.

If I were your mum I'd not be putting up with shit like that - especially not in my own home

MerryBerrysnicecakes · 26/12/2025 22:30

This is deep deep insecurity on your MIL part.

Mine did it as well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page