Please talk some sense into me.....

Ohffsgetoverit · 2025-12-26T14:31:07+00:00

Son (21) still lives at home. Only child. Has a long term girlfriend. He spent Christmas eve evening with her but came home around 11 pm , so woke up here Christmas day. Spent all day with us. Today he wants to go to his girlfriend late evening. I'm feeling sorry for myself and having trouble letting him go. Why? I know it's daft.

FionnulaTheCooler · 26/12/2025 14:38

It is daft, he's spent all of Christmas day and most of boxing day with you. He's an adult who's going to want to spend time with people other than his parents. Get a bottle of wine opened and put your feet up and enjoy a bit of time to yourself when he goes to his girlfriend's.

ThisJadeBear · 26/12/2025 14:41

This seems to be quite a common theme on here. As you say ‘us’ I assume you mean there is more than you at home as well?
To be fair your DS he’s spent Christmas Day with you and most of today.
At 21, he really is allowed to spread his wings, especially as he still lives at home. A lot of young people his age come home for a quick visit and are off again soon after.
However, if you really want him to thrive in life you need to let him go and bit, because the other option is to keep him at home indefinitely which is really not helpful.
It is time to think about your own life as well OP. Being 21 and knowing your mum enjoys your company but has her own life/interests/hobbies is much better than knowing your mum is actively pining for you.
My late mum did that and it caused me no end of issues and stopped me from being as independent as I should have been.

Original poster

Ohffsgetoverit · 26/12/2025 14:55

ThisJadeBear · 26/12/2025 14:41

This seems to be quite a common theme on here. As you say ‘us’ I assume you mean there is more than you at home as well?
To be fair your DS he’s spent Christmas Day with you and most of today.
At 21, he really is allowed to spread his wings, especially as he still lives at home. A lot of young people his age come home for a quick visit and are off again soon after.
However, if you really want him to thrive in life you need to let him go and bit, because the other option is to keep him at home indefinitely which is really not helpful.
It is time to think about your own life as well OP. Being 21 and knowing your mum enjoys your company but has her own life/interests/hobbies is much better than knowing your mum is actively pining for you.
My late mum did that and it caused me no end of issues and stopped me from being as independent as I should have been.

You are absolutely correct. I've recently lost my parents so am feeling rather lost. I think I'm expecting my son to be like me. I spent every Christmas, birthday, Easter etc with parents, even after I was married (OH estranged from his family). I don't have friends just OH and DS. No other family.

OP posts:

ThisJadeBear · 26/12/2025 15:42

Ohffsgetoverit · 26/12/2025 14:55

You are absolutely correct. I've recently lost my parents so am feeling rather lost. I think I'm expecting my son to be like me. I spent every Christmas, birthday, Easter etc with parents, even after I was married (OH estranged from his family). I don't have friends just OH and DS. No other family.

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Then this is such a complex feeling for you. It’s about so much loss all rolled into one occasion and that feeling of…. what now?
You are grieving for your parents find yourself some time. That is at the heart of what you are going through.
Make next year a time for you, see if you fancy doing something new and meet some new friends. It’s never too late to do that.
I wish you well. You deserve to have some joy.