Would you find this weird from in laws?

[See1ngdouble]

Ds is small so in the grand scheme of things this doesn't matter yet at all. But I've noticed it and I'm unsure what to make of it. Ds doesn't see his dad at all, he didn't want to be involved outsideof a birthday and Christmas gift, but I make a lot of effort to retain a relationship with my in laws for dcs benefit and I've always felt we get on well and I genuinely like them. Each year they ask me what they should get for Christmas and for the past 3 years running I've told them a few suggestions of what they could get plus listed what I've already got so they don't double up accidentally. Every single year they've bought nothing I recommended and instead bought every single thing I listed as what I had already bought. They are young and healthy, no issues with confusion or such and I just can't get my head around why they do this. This will be the third year their presents bar one (which can just be used to add to what I got) will have to go to charity. Its such a waste and I think from next year ds will be more aware. Obviously I try to keep things good between us so I think rather than ask directly I'm just going to stop telling them what I got, but I'm struggling to understand the motivation behind it. I feel like it kind of takes the shine off my presents and then his dad's presents become centre stage as there is never any duplication there. But it's his choice not to be involved, that's nothing to do with me. What do others think and how would you handle this? Obviously I'm appreciative they got him anything but I just think it's really strange. It's never seemed in their character to be spiteful in any other context.

Sounds like the lists confuse them. Just give them one list with things you're definitely not getting!

They're maybe mixing up the lists? Next time just give them the suggestions and don't share what you've bought already.

Yes, I agree in thinking they’ve mixed up the lists somehow. I don’t think it’s deliberately done as they don’t sound like the sort of people to do that. Just do as others say, give them a list of completely different things to what you intend to buy.

I do think this is the sort of thing you have to just ask. Because it’s so unlikely to be malicious-apart from anything else what would it prove? I would say that there seems to be a misunderstanding and can you clear things up. Cock up rather than conspiracy.

You’re over complicating this by giving them two lists, just give them a list of things they could buy, I don’t think this is malicious.

Why would you tell them what you bought? I think they are confused. You now presumably know the budget so just send them details of one thing.

I think they're confused because it's so unusual to give people a list of what you already have when they've asked for what they should get.

Just give them a few items that he would like (that you don't have) and leave it at that. Keep it clear and simple for everyone.

Thanks all, yes I think you're right in that it's less likely to be anything untoward as opposed to a mistake because they really aren't like that. The first two I put down to confusion but today I was a bit 🤔I'll just try to think of something specific for them to buy going forwards.

Yeah it's clearly a mix up. I've never known someone to list a bunch of stuff I've already got when asked for what to buy. I can see how it's confusing.

Each year they ask me what they should get for Christmas and for the past 3 years running I've told them a few suggestions of what they could get plus listed what I've already got so they don't double up accidentally. Every single year they've bought nothing I recommended and instead bought every single thing I listed as what I had already bought.

They asked you what they should get. You said 'A, B or C. Don't get D, E and F'.
They retained 'D, E and F'.

The problem is you.

Sorry if that sounded mean but I've found that people don't always hear me properly. It might be that they don't have good hearing.

Also, I seem to know some strange people.

Maybe they think because you have it and you’ve gone out of your way to specifically list that you have it, it’s a thing you like or want, so they get another.

My DM does this. It's not malicious. If I say the name of something not to get she will get it, I assume she only vaguely remembers it was spoken about so it must be wanted. Now I only explicitly tell her what to get or say I don't know. Never mention what we or anyone else is getting the kids because she'll take that as a suggestion and run with it.

Like you, my DD doesn’t have her Dad in her life (he died after we split up) and whilst his parents did bother for about 6/7 years they have now cut contact completely. However during those 6/7 years they did exactly this only in their case it wasn’t confusion! I ended up working out that it was intentional as they kept demanding to know what I’d got her, after I’d already made suggestions. And then one year, when I told them my mum had brought her back something from America that was unavailable anywhere in the UK (unless you use a parcel forwarding service) and even mentioned how my mum had had to take into the cabin with her on the plane etc etc, sure enough! There it was. Large as life. I ended up putting it down to some weird grief reaction which it may have been but it was very odd. So whilst I agree it may have been a misunderstanding, I think it also could be some kind of odd behaviour from them….