Upstairs hearing my kids scream at each other

[IHateTheElf]

It's constant.
They are relentless
It's not even cos it's Christmas. It's like this everyday.
Just really gets me down. They are 7 and 5.

Mine are 13 and 9 and argue over absolutely anything and everything. It’s relentless. The eldest I can hear is currently annoying the younger by saying “ 6 7” at him constantly. The excitement for Christmas doesn’t help matters.

Yeah, mine are always fighting too, I leave them to it.

7 and 10 here. They've been arguing over a pair of scissors. The fact that the scissors in question are left-handed ones and only eldest child can use them does not seem to matter to the youngest.

Disagreeing is part of sibling life and helps them to develop negotiation and tolerance skills but they shouldn't be screaming at each other so loudly the neighbours can hear. That's when you need to be stepping in and sending them away from one another to cool off.

Alongside that, it can be helpful to teach them some cooperation skills. Board games, joint tasks, cooking together, etc can all help them learn to work together. Reinforce with them that when someone says "stop that" then they need to stop and be consistent with enforcing this boundary. My two DS will wind each up something chronic and they both find it funny but as soon as one of them says stop, I expect the other to respect that and I dish out consequences if they don't.

Yes 7 and 10, here, winding each other up constantly.

Mine (15 and 13) have had their phases like this, but recently they’ve been hanging out in each others rooms and they’re currently in the kitchen making Christmas tree cookies.

Hopefully they get past it as they mature.

I wouldn't tolerate screaming, if they really are screaming and not just shouting. Give them jobs to do, or some quiet activity to calm down, in separate rooms,

My mother used to put us in different rooms when we got like that, and it worked eventually.

I used to put my own children in different rooms when they got like that and it worked eventually. In the meantime you get peace and quiet. If you have open plan downstairs then one gets sent upstairs to play/draw and the other stays downstairs.

If it makes you feel a bit better, my 3 used to fight (physically and verbally) I could barely leave them alone for more than a minute for a few years. Drove me insane.
Today I have had to ask them to keep it down a bit not because of battering each other because they are making each other laugh so much. Older teens now,and genuine best friends. They go to the pub together, play football together and take the piss out of me constantly (which I pretend to hate but love really) something I could never imagine.

I do remember the hell though. If arguing over something I would give them a minute to sort out a solution or I would remove it immediately.

You aren’t alone the run up to Xmas and the Xmas period is particularly painful. I have 3 boys and the arguing fighting and shouting gets beyond control

What are the consequences for this behaviour?

It gets easier! I know right now that's not helpful! Mine are now 19 and 13! One day my youngest came down absolutely hysterical, I thought something was broken, but no. He just said his brother was breathing his breaths on him and I needed to tell his brother to stop breathing! I literally just looked at them both and said no! Just no! They were 9 and 3! they get along brilliantly now! And we laugh about how much they used to wind each other up! The days are long, but the years are short! You've got this OP xx

Mine are 18 and 20 and we have just had a very stressful and unpleasant Christmas with them both being in the house and their constant arguing and bickering, so I’m afraid there is no guarantee it will improve as they get older.

Fuck. That's the last thing I wanted to hear

Let me know when you find a solution and I'll use it to stop mine.

Got any suggestions for the OP?
consequences don’t usually work to be honest.

Yeah mine are bickering a lot. Cabin fever a bit to blame I think. DS1 though has just gone out on his bike with his friend to the park and DS2 is prattling on the phone to his best friend about some game they’re playing so it’s a bit more peaceful for now.

If they start up again we usually get them to go in separate rooms and they calm down enough to be civil fairly quickly. They get bored in their own rooms and inevitably end up wanting to play together or watch something together. They’re 12 and 9.

Solidarity op ive got 4 of them at it. Send help! I'm currently surviving by chugging Baileys straight out the bottle 😂 I highly recommend.

This is an excellent coping strategy and one I will follow immediately. Thanks!

It's all just so fucking inane. No punishment works because it's six of one and half of a dozen of the other

I seem to have bred twats.

Lock one in the attic and one in the cellar.

My mum never did find a solution. My brother and I were screaming at each other Boxing day because he stole my charger while it was charging my phone. We’re late 30’s...😳

I used to ask what the problem was, if I couldn’t find out within 30 seconds who was to blame then both were sent to a corner (or just facing a wall) to stay - to reflect - for one minute for every year old they were. I’d expect an apology from them and for them to say sorry to each other. Then we moved on.

I used this technique anytime they were not behaving.

Sounds strict but really wasn’t. Years this happened, then one day I noticed the eldest was rarely in the corner and then the youngest followed suit.

Behaviour sorted!

Interesting. I'm not sure it would work with the ASD traits but I'm very willing to try it!!!

Yes, x3 similar. All arguing all the time. Drives us insane. Yes, we tell them to stop. Sometimes I split them up. Sometimes I try to gentle parent like my Wife tells me. I think it's just part of our as crazy as it sounds.

It does work. If anything having stricter boundaries on acceptable behaviour is far kinder (house full of officially diagnosed autism and adhd here).

Dc were taught to treat other people with respect, even when they are angry, and not to treat a loved one worse than you would a stranger. If you could control yourself and not scream in public, then you can at home too.

You can't just sit upstairs and let them do it to each other. Model how to handle anger (expressing yourself appropriately, taking yourself off to cool down somewhere etc.) and enforce family rules.

Like with most things it's far easier to have been doing it from the start, but you'll have to referee for a quite while now. They will get it eventually though.