Large chunk of christmas alone and I’m worried

[fuckittybye]

I realise how selfish I probably sound.

I live alone, I have some family nearby but no parents I can spend Christmas with, no partner, no kids, no real friends nearby.

I’m spending Christmas Eve with family, and then again some of Christmas Day evening and Boxing Day.

I’m going to wake up alone on Christmas Day though, and spend most of the day I think alone. I’ve got no presents to open on the morning, no one will phone and I’m just scared.

I’m doing trauma therapy right now for abuse in childhood, my mind set isn’t amazing, I’ve been drinking a bit at times and overeat but I’m on mounjaro so probably more starving myself just now, I took the jab tonight as I’m scared of eating too much on Christmas Day so need to prevent myself eating really. I don’t know what’s best.

I haven’t really got anything in the house either. I’ve got plenty food, but Christmas feels like I’m meant to be fancy whereas in reality I don’t think I could really care.

I won’t get to see my counsellor again until the 6th and I’m on self destruct mode right now.

Could you ring the Samaritans if you need to speak with someone in confidence. Also can you buy some food you like tomorrow and get yourself a small gift. Or think of a film you want to watch or something?

Could you plan a few things to do on Christmas Day such as a nice bath and watch a film etc? How about buying yourself some nice food treats or a little present and putting it under the tree?
Do you have any techniques for when you are feeling low such as breathing exercises or pop outside for some fresh air?
Remember you can ring 111 if you really aren’t coping.
I think you’ve got this though, say to yourself in X hours I’ll be seeing people so if I have a long bath, cook something or whatever then that will take an hour and I’ll only have so many hours left.

Would you consider maybe going to church on Christmas morning? I’m not religious, but I like the carols and the sense of community, and if I found myself alone on Christmas Day I would go. Otherwise there’s online #joinin which was started by Sarah Millican, originally on Twitter, which is a friendly way of finding some connection on Christmas Day.

Christmas can be such a hard time.

I’m similar, trauma therapy, abusive childhood, counsellor away until the new year, spending most of the day alone. I get it.

It can help to make a plan for the day. It doesn’t have to be Christmassy stuff either. Just things like: have a bath/shower, eat breakfast, go for a walk, watch a film.

do you have any self care practices you could do? Baths really help me, and crafting.

i find writing very helpful when I’m struggling, eg writing my thoughts down.

The Mind website has some good advice. https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/

do call The Samaritans or another helpline if you find yourself spiralling.

this is a really difficult time of year for many many people, it’s not surprising you are finding it hard.

big hug

… and you don’t need to be Fancy, if that’s not your thing, with food or anything else. You can do whatever works for you. Try and take the pressure off that the day has to be a certain way. Focus on being kind to yourself as much as you can.

Is there a local church service you could go to in the morning. You dont have to be religious to go. it might be lovely to hear some singing, be with others, and something to get up and ready for in the morning, perhaps a walk to the church and a chance to be with others. That will also help fill a part of the day.

just seen that @Thingsthatgo also suggested this

this is the page on Mind I was thinking of, it has very helpful suggestions to get you through the dark times

www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/what-can-i-do-to-help-myself-cope/

When I was on my own over Christmas, I treated the day like a Sunday so wouldn't big it up beforehand. You're seeing people the evening before and on the evening and on the next day so only little chunks of alone time. I would give myself a big pat on the back for recognising, in advance, that I might struggle and, in my head, split these 'alone periods' into 2hr sections and pencil in a tv film, long bath, even clearing out an interesting drawer. It helped me to take the pressure off "Wow, it's Christmas, I must celebrate!". Good luck 💐

Plan an enjoyable day for yourself. If I were on my own, I'd:

Make sure my house is spotless when I wake up, so it feels special. Light lovely-smelling candles. Have a long, super-hot bath with Epsom salts and essential oils. Lie on my bed with a good book, drinking tea, and eating chocolate pralines under my electric throw. Have an afternoon nap. Have a new film or series ready to watch on Netflix. Eat all my favourite foods. Enjoy the feeling of not having any 'jobs' to do, because it's Christmas and I'm on my own, so there are absolutely no expectations on me.

There are advantages and disadvantages to spending the day with family. Try to focus on the advantages of being in your particular situation.

I understand you are worried about being on your own. It's hard to hear that a particular occasion should be a particular way when it isn't that way for you. However, you're only spending time by yourself; you're not alone in a larger sense. You're engaging with people on other days. Spend Christmas Day treating yourself to other lovely things.
Caring for yourself is often harder when you've been through childhood trauma. Maybe you could see this as a precedent for the new year. You deserve good things. Plan for them. Be there for yourself.

The 2 hour segments is a really good idea.

What do you do on other days, birthdays, new year, its not just xmas.

And you don’t sound selfish at all.

I guess the issue is that everything closes down for Christmas and there aren't many other options.

OP do you have parkruns near you? You could walk it and it fills up some of the morning.

All of those can be hard.

Yes, it will seem less over whelming if you break it down into smaller 2-hr parts

There are usually nice threads on here for those alone for Christmas or part of it, so there is that.

I'm not sure you want to stop yourself eating do you? just to get through to the evening well looked after.

I think I'd try and plan the day with pre-prepped food / films / bath / whatever you would look forward to, and if you can get out for a walk - lots of people on their own walking the dog or just getting some steps in if you go out early.

I’m struggling with my MH too, Christmas is very very hard every year.

just do other things. I will see a couple of people on the day after work but no one else as I’m estranged. I won’t get phone calls or texts based upon the last few years so nowadays to put myself first I tend to turn the phone off so I’m not checking it.

different things I’m doing the whole of Christmas - I’ve taken a week off starting tonight nothing im doing is really Christmassy. no more chores unless desperate, nice easy meals so things like tin of soup with sandwiches, cheese and crackers, eggs on toast, baked potato, pizza, pasta. Spending time with my pets and hobbies I’ve got a few different things to get on with not Christmas related at all. A little tv or radio each day avoiding all the Christmas stuff. Reading a few new books. Some extra long showers and baths and a pamper evening. And a couple of jigsaws and a crossword book. All easy mindful things.

Can you go out tomorrow and get yourself some soft fluffy socks and a new book to wrap up? Open them up Xmas morning and get wrapped up in a book with some comfy socks.

They will all be just as bad if you have trauma ,MH issues or estrangements. My birthday was horrendous the last two years. Next year I’m probably not going to celebrate any special occasion.

Christmas is difficult OP... maybe write down a few treat things that you can do on Xmas and boxing day?

I.e. have a bath, make your favourite meal, watch your favourite film with your favourite treat. And maybe take the time to do some gentle and healing yoga?

Try and see it as a chance to treat yourself and have some healing time and then make the most of your family time

I hope you had a nice day OP!

Also womankind in bristol have a really good webchat and helpline for women who have at any point in their life faced abuse and know the effects that can have on later life etc

Highly trained volunteers I have found

You don’t sound selfish at all. It sounds like you’re going through a lot. The food doesn’t have to be fancy if you don’t want it to be. There’s too much pressure on having the ‘perfect day’ and a lot of what you will see on social media isn’t real. Come to MN where you’ll see a glimpse of the reality of Christmas mornings, not the picture perfect stories.

Get yourself a nice present to open in the morning. Come onto Mumsnet for a chat - that will help pass the time and give you some connection to people.