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Car seat dilemma - 9.5yo

22 replies

DustyGlow · 22/12/2025 09:06

DD is 9.5 and about 128cm tall so 7cm off the required 135cm for no car seat / booster. It’s becoming difficult and socially awkward for her to be the only one with a mum bothered about this.

Her friends seem to have been out of car seats for many years and she’s now at the point where friends parents offer to collect / drop off. I get around this by saying ‘it’s no trouble, I will collect’.

She’s desperate not to be different. I’m so torn on what to do - I know safety wise and according to the law the right thing to do it insist on a car seat but I’m literally the only one to have cared for the last few years. She won’t be 135cm until she’s 11 and about to go into Y7 which seems ridiculous!

What should I do?

OP posts:
DallasMajor · 22/12/2025 09:13

It is 150cm is when it becomes safe to stop using a seat (many adults would benefit from one)

Parents are neurotic about letting kids walk to school on their own but completely irresponsible when it comes to car seat safety.

Although I appreciate that it is very difficult for your child when no other parent cares. I wish the law would tighten up.

But why is it ridiculous to keep her safe?

FcukBreastCancer · 22/12/2025 09:14

Same here. I just tell her it's the law. I can't believe how many kids come out of the seats too soon.

IkaBaar · 22/12/2025 09:16

Mine is in the same position. Fortunately her best friends’ families have the cars with in built car seats! I always make her use one, I also made my older child use her car seat until she grew out of it.

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DustyGlow · 22/12/2025 09:18

DallasMajor · 22/12/2025 09:13

It is 150cm is when it becomes safe to stop using a seat (many adults would benefit from one)

Parents are neurotic about letting kids walk to school on their own but completely irresponsible when it comes to car seat safety.

Although I appreciate that it is very difficult for your child when no other parent cares. I wish the law would tighten up.

But why is it ridiculous to keep her safe?

I don’t mean ridiculous to keep her safe, I just mean that by 11 I’m hoping she’ll be growing her independence. Maybe she’ll go to a friends house after school, I can’t expect her to be hauling a booster seat every where she goes in case of lifts home / trips in other people’s cars.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 22/12/2025 09:24

Its advised until 150cm here, with it being mandatory for the same height as the UK. We’re clear until you’re 151cm you’re in a high backed booster, no booster no car ride. Our ten year old (well ten and a half) was 146cm last time we measured him, so I image he had maybe 8-12 months until he hits 150cm as an absolute minimum timescale.

She isn’t different, all children in England have to follow the same law, just because some parents choose to neglect the safety of their children it doesn’t make her different.

BlibBlabBlob · 22/12/2025 09:24

I agree with you, parents often pay so little attention to car safety. It’s quite horrifying and I often wonder if, when children are killed or seriously injured in car crashes, being in the wrong (or no) seat had anything to do with it. A few brave bereaved parents have posted online about it. I wish it was talked about more widely, it would save lives.

Another one is parents who stick kids in the front seat, no booster, way too early - do they not realise that a crash, even at low speed, would fire the airbag straight into their child’s face? I don’t even know if that is survivable. Certainly a life-changing injury.

As DallasMajor says, you actually need to be 150cm tall to have any chance of the seatbelt alone providing the right protection. Most EU countries have 150cm as their minimum height for no longer using a booster. Our min height of 135cm is reckless and dangerous and senseless. Especially when people think that reaching 135cm, regardless of age, will automatically make their child safe without a belt-positioning booster.

I was the parent who took car safety really seriously. Still am. DD is 15, about 5ft 5in tall, and still rides in the back seat if we go on a motorway. She knows herself that the crash protection in the front seat is designed to fit her father, not her. So she’s got a much better chance in a high speed collision if she’s in the back. She rode rear facing until 4 or 5, at a time when very few were doing it. We had spare car seats/boosters when we had another child in the car and basically just made them use the seats. I made excuses about our car being quite big, so the seat belts in their parents’ cars might fit them OK without a booster but not in our car so they needed to use the seat. (It is true that in our 7-seater car, you can get a half decent belt fit on a 135cm child in the back row. But in the middle row they do need a booster, and in the front seat they would be screwed.) The kids didn’t complain. I just said that, in my car with me driving, I was responsible for them so I needed to make sure they were as safe as possible. That applied until they were 14, when they become responsible for themselves in the car (legally) and fortunately were all plenty big enough by then to not need a booster.

My DD is notoriously resistant to control, demands, looking different from her friends, etc. But on this topic I’ve been explaining car safety to her for YEARS, ever since she could begin to understand. And she then started lecturing other kids e.g. on a school coach about seat belts safety! She’d rather be safe herself, as she knows the risks.

It does make it tricky to navigate with other parents, as they can obviously interpret your stance on this as criticism of them. But it’s worth it.

At the end of the day, a crash is unlikely, but why would anyone not want their kids to be as safe as possible if the worst did happen? You can be the best, most careful driver in the world. But there are some real selfish idiots out there on the road.

tedibear · 22/12/2025 09:37

So many parents just ditch the car seats too early. I actually would like to know why. It’s not much of an inconvenience. My daughter has been strapping herself in for about a year or so now as she can do it properly, she’s coming up on 9. She’s small for age so she will likely be in a seat for a gd few years more. I’ve seen one of her friends picked up from hobbies and they jump in the front and go. I’m talking about from age 6/7, I was horrified.

BlibBlabBlob · 22/12/2025 09:45

So many parents think that the law of 135cm is the govt being overly careful, nanny state etc. They don’t realise that the law is completely inadequate in this instance. Hence the small children sitting in the front seat of cars, risking death in even minor crashes from the airbag. We need a better law on this and SO much more education on it.

BlibBlabBlob · 22/12/2025 09:46

And it’s be nice if everything wasn’t designed with the average man in mind! Car safety systems are built for men. Female bodies, whatever age or size, get less protection.

BlibBlabBlob · 22/12/2025 09:48

@DustyGlowthat’s another thing you can mention to kids you’re giving a lift to, or to your own child, come to think of it. So few people know that car safety is designed around the average adult male body. Using a booster starts to sound a bit less silly when you ask a 9 year old child if their body even vaguely resembles that of their dad!

TheCurious0range · 22/12/2025 09:49

DS is 130cm and only just turned 7, he's not tall enough for a seatbelt to fit him properly without a booster, so neither will your daughter be. It's not about age it's about size.

Sirzy · 22/12/2025 09:52

I agree with most other posters, it should be a non negotiable. Just because other parents don’t care about car seat safety doesn’t mean you should stop caring.

DS was 12 before he could sit safely in the car without being in a HBB so we didn’t get rid of it until then. You need to make sure the seatbelt is fitting correctly to be safe.

Bitzee · 22/12/2025 09:54

Backless booster is the obvious solution. It raises her up so she’ll be safe in the car but won’t look like she’s in a toddler seat if her friends see. I would insist she uses it until she is 135cm and can get a good belt fit without, keeping in mind that she may get the best belt fit in the middle seat. If she goes somewhere with a friend just send the booster if the parents don’t have a spare until she’s 135 and after that tell her to ask if she can go in the middle because the belt fits better. It’s not like it won’t be obvious she’s very petite!

BingBongMerrilyWithPie · 22/12/2025 10:02

Sorry DD, this one is non negotiable. But this is on me, not you, so feel free to moan about how unreasonable I am being to your friends.

Ignore eye rolls from other parents. Most people have something they are strict on.

Imgoingtobefree · 22/12/2025 10:07

I also insisted my small for her age daughter keep using a car seat long after her peers mothers stopped.

I had recently been a passenger in a not very fast car crash and ended up in hospital for 5 days and spent 6 months in recovery. I saw how badly the car was wrecked.

My Dd had no choice at all in this matter. She just got to learn that my views in this were very out of sync with the other mothers. She learned to live with it.

IceIceSlippyIce · 22/12/2025 10:38

DS1 actually preferred a booster until he was pretty much 150cm. Before then, he couldn't bend his knees without slumping in the seat, and the belt cut into his neck. ie he didn't actually fit in an adult seat until he was pretty much the size of a small adult....

mugglewump · 22/12/2025 12:18

I am under 150cm, so on this basis I would never have come out of a car seat. Perhaps this is why I went with the flow with my kids and ditched the boosters when they were comfortable without them in terms of the seat belt positioning.

Being smaller than everyone else is hard. It is a cause of body dismorphia, low self-esteem and a barrier to having presence as an adult. If I were in your shoes, I would keep the booster seat in your car, but let her travel short journeys with friends without for the sake of her own self-image.

BertieBotts · 22/12/2025 22:25

I think there is a bit of a blind spot currently among older primary aged DC who are still well under 135cm but aren't using booster seats. My theory is that it's because this rule change (to require the use of booster seats up to age 12/135cm) happened nearly 20 years ago, it's completely old news and has stopped being reported on in the media, advertised prominently in car seat shops etc. The assumption being that if the law changed 20 years ago everyone should be aware of it by now.

I think this is a false assumption, because the problem is that parents of DC aged roughly 6-10 are largely over 30, meaning in 2006 the majority of them were over 12 but likely didn't have DC yet so this law would not have affected or interested them at the time and they most likely weren't even aware anything ever changed. If you were born in the 80s or 90s then car seats were a totally established thing for babies and very young children, but booster seats were barely used at all and so I think while the vast majority of parents in this age group take it for granted that younger children must use a car seat, they don't necessarily realise that there is an upper age limit that is as high as 12 or an upper height limit at all, and they stop using them when they think a seatbelt doesn't look massively uncomfortable any more, which tends to be about 120-125cm or age 7/8 ish based on my observation. Younger children look obviously too small to sit with nothing and have the seatbelt on their neck, but most people are not aware of the fact the lap belt position is the more important part and can cause injuries when it sits too high on the soft part of the abdomen, which it does for most children until at least 135cm (often taller).

If you are aware of the law because you looked it up, or because you were aware of the change in 2006 because of younger siblings or older DC, you are in a minority and I don't think the lack of booster seat use is a lack of care, I think it is a genuine lack of awareness that it does continue to make a difference up to certainly 135cm but potentially 150cm ish depending on the specific car/child/seatbelt combo. I also think this will start to self-correct coming into the later half of this decade as parents will be aware of the rule about being 12 because it was very funny to taller 10/11 year olds at the time and absolutely mortifying for shorter ones, so anyone born after 1995 is likely to remember it.

135cm is pretty much bang on the 50th centile for girls aged 9.5, so statistically, about half of them should still need one whereas the other half won't, but if all parents are not using them, it's likely most have stopped too soon. 128cm is on the shorter side for 9.5, but not massively so. I also think backless boosters have a really practical role at times and while ideally the parents of the other DC should provide one it is less annoying to carry the smaller kind around. My personal philosophy is about weighing practicality with risk management so I'm happy to step down a level of protection for a shorter or low risk journey whereas I'd have a more robust set up if possible in our own car. For example we use a car sharing scheme and today I let DS2 age 7.5 travel with no booster so that DS3 age 4.5 could use the high back booster (of dubious age and condition) which comes with the car so that we could drive literally 3-4 mins around the corner at 30km/h to avoid a 15 minute walk in the freezing cold. I was totally fine with this as a risk, even though DS2 was actively quite worried as it was his first time ever without a HBB. If we were doing a day out or longer drive, I tend to bring the harnessed car seat for DS3 because he leans out of the seatbelt otherwise, and DS2 either uses his own HBB or the included one if it's in decent condition - some of them are brand new.

Equally, when DS1 was 8ish and not all of his friends' cars had spare boosters, I would weigh up the length of the trip and the ease of providing a booster, and if it was simple enough then I'd try to give one, if they had one I'd be grateful and if it didn't work out and it was a shorter trip I didn't worry too much about it. It's obviously important that they wear a seatbelt. A booster seat is ideal, and he always used one in our own car, but by age 9 the amount of situations where it's life or death is diminishing.

For some context - these figures come from the US where it's not a legal requirement in most states, and are not perfect for various reasons, but when you compare children age 8-12 in normal observed use vs children of the same age category who died in car accidents, the normal use of boosters of any kind is around 13% compared with 5% of the children who died. This shows that it does make some difference.

However the figures for no seatbelt at all are much more stark. For the same age group, the normal observed amount of children who travel unrestrained is about 16%, whereas 50% of children who died in a car accident were not wearing any kind of seatbelt. So wearing a seatbelt is the important part. Using a booster seat is absolutely worth it but is secondary.

VikaOlson · 22/12/2025 22:35

My now-15 year old was still on a booster seat in Year 6!

flutterby1 · 22/12/2025 22:50

Personally I don’t care what others think and I still used the booster seat until ready (10) I’d rather have a child that survived an accident .

eurochick · 22/12/2025 22:57

My daughter was in a HBB until the end of primary. She had passed 135cm long before, but I was keen to keep her in it as long as possible and she actually found it comfortable and so didn’t object. She was about 149cm when we dropped using it.

Quite a few other children were still using HBBs in year 6 at my daughter’s school.

BendingSpoons · 22/12/2025 22:59

This really bugs me. We had a party when DD turned 7 and I gave other children a lift using borrowed HBBs (from my parents). One girl called DD a baby for having a HBB and not a booster cushion. Thankfully DD didn't care. She is now 140cm, nearly 10 and still loves her HBB for the head rest. DS has one too, so often if we give lifts, the friend uses DS's HBB. I've occasionally avoided lift sharing to parties where I don't know the car seat situation.

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