To feel that this is theft!

[Yoangetty]

Hi,

I’m really annoyed at BIL. I gave just found out that DH has lent him money on 3 occasions that hasn’t been repaid. Each time he has told DH that “ I’ll pay it back when I get paid” , however that never happens. DH thinks that we need to be kinder as his brother has been shrugging, however I feel that he’s borrowing money and not sticking to the agreed terms, and that therefore it’s essentially theft. WWYD ?

Well it’s not theft as it was given but he’s made it easier for your husband to say no next time. What sort of amounts?

It’s not theft
Why hasn’t your DH told you tho? Do you know how much it ia and can you afford this

A few hundred each time

Its not theft though is it? Your dh gave it to him.

If your DH has given it willingly then I would say not theft but I would say he needs to lend no more and ask for the previous loans back. If he doesn't get them - different matter

As to the WWYD - lend him not a penny more until the previous amounts have been repaid.

As above, it's not theft if the money was given to him!

Not theft but I'd ask DH not to 'lend' him anymore unless original amounts are repaid.

It's not theft. Even a bank doesn't call an unpaid loan theft!

Does your husband contribute a fair and meaningful amount to househould/family costs? If yes, then it's up to him what he spends the rest of his own money on? It could be lego or his brother but it's his choice.

Why is your BIL struggling? Is this a pattern or just a temporary and genuinely unforeseen situation?

does it impact you and/or your family finances? or only our husband's? (not that he is making up his shortfall using family money)

if it does, then you need to get the money back that he owes and tell DH it is not to happen again without discussion with you (and that discussion can mean it doesn't happen and should include a repayment schedule)

if it's out of his fun money and impacts nobody but him? whatever.

Unless the finances are shared or your DH doing this means he can't pay his share, you can't and shouldn't do anything.