Dad moved without telling anyone and lied

[ForIcyGreyCat]

Am I being unreasonable to feel very confused and quite frankly a bit disheartened he was hiding for whatever reason?

My dad lives (or so I thought) in Scotland, I moved from Scotland to England recently so I didn’t see him as much.

Just yesterday he told me that the weather up in Scotland was getting very cold and hates the daylight disappearing so soon, but that my aunt and the rest of the family were well.

Turns out he had moved back to my home country (he is English but I was born and raised in North Africa) months ago!

He had alluded to wanting to move there a few months ago, but when I asked he said he had changed his mind.

My aunt who went there on vacation (originally from there but moved abroad) ran into him on the street!

No you’re not being unreasonable. It’s a really odd thing to do. But if your aunt didn’t know until she ran into him in the street, at least it’s not personal and only you he has been lying to.

Do you have any idea why he might have done this? Escaping debt maybe?

The pair of you clearly aren’t even remotely close in any sense whatsoever

How is this comment in any way helpful?

It is really strange op, I'd speak to him today and ask him where he is just now and see what he says, just incase he is visiting the area for Xmas.. If he lies and says Scotland, ask him why he's been deceitful as your aunt told you he was down south and she bumped in to him yesterday.

really? Can you not see how it might be relevant? Say the op and her father have nothing to do with one another after a fraught and difficult past. You don’t think that may explain this kind of scenario? Odd

Do you think she isn't aware of that and needs you to point it out whilst not actually offering any advice on the actual situation she's posted about? Odd.

So he’s moved to Africa?

Possibly.

Odd you’d think otherwise

Maybe he feels disconnected from you all. It’s hard to understand how he logistically moved abroad without anyone noticing. Maybe he felt a bit abandoned. The best answer you are going to get will be directly from him. Ask him why he chose not to tell you.

We never had a strained relationship or any fights. We get along okay.

We lived in the same house up until I was around 11, when my parents divorced, he would then come visit me every now and then, albeit I never lived at his.
When I moved to uni I would come home every few months, that’s when she started seeing each other less frequently.

We talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a weeks, just casual chatter.

I think you’re bang on sadly, but I don’t wait him to feel awkward if I ask him.

I think moving in the way he has he will be expecting you to ask. If you don’t ask there is a danger it will reinforce any disconnected feelings - he might feel like you don’t care enough to ask, and you will be forever wondering why he didn’t tell you.

I did, he just said he was in Scotland and that it was cold.

When I invited him down for Christmas earlier in the year, he said he had plans with his sister and it’s difficult to travel down. I can’t travel up as they both live together and he doesn’t feel comfortable inviting people over

I will do that, I hadn’t considered that, thank you

He lives with his sister in Scotland? Did your aunt not tell you he had moved to Africa? Do you not talk to your Aunt? Or has she gone with him? I assume a different Aunt that bumped into him in the street in Africa.

All very bizarre. Ring your aunt in Scotland to find out what is going on?

Yes, it’s weird, but oddly, it does happen. My mum lives in another country (not the UK). She moved and didn’t tell us for a year. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I only found out because a friend of hers mentioned it. It wasn’t like a little move. It was like moving from Milton Keynes to North Wales. Like totally different part of the country. Because we don’t live in the same country anyway, it’s not like we visit each other regularly, but I certainly I would mention moving to a new house.

I am NC with my mum now, but I wasn’t back then, so it was just an incredibly odd thing to move like 6 hours away and just never mention it. After her friend said something to me, it was like, oh I bet your mum is enjoying her new house at the beach (Milton Keynes nowhere near a beach!), that I asked her about it). She has since moved again and I have no idea where - she’s 75 and has moved probably 7-8 times since she retired - all big long distance moves. But we are NC now anyway so I don’t expect her to update me and I don’t really care where she is as long as it’s not near me.

In the year she was living abroad without you knowing, did you ever speak with her? @mindutopia