What's the (wedding) protocol?

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

So I've been invited to a workmate's wedding. Lovely, haven't been to a wedding in years! We are reasonably close, and I know her fiance pretty well. Should be a lovely wedding
But my cousin just messaged me to say she is getting married the same day!! I feel like I already accepted the first invitation, but does family trump friends? What's the protocol?

For a cousin I think it’s totally fine to say sorry, I’ve already got another wedding that day, have an amazing time!

This should be the default. You probably see your work mate way more than your cousin! And you’ve already RSVPed.

If there’s some backstory and your cousin is actually more like a sister and it would be really weird if you weren’t there and you’ve only just RSVPed and there’s a decent gap until the wedding then you could possibly say “Oh gosh I’m so sorry, hadn’t realised at all but my cousin who is more like a sibling is getting married that day. I’m so sorry for messing you around, wouldn’t usually do this but it’s a massive family deal - can I make it up to you with dinner? Please tell
me all about your wedding plans”.

But otherwise - go to your friend’s wedding.

Honour the first invitation / acceptance. It's the polite and reasonable thing to do.
I had to miss my cousin's wedding many years ago as we had already accepted a wedding invitation for that day for one of my husband's friends. I am very close to my cousin but he understood that we were already committed to the other one.

I'd say family first unless you aren't close to the cousin.

Have you had an actual invitation to the first or a more casual save the date kind of thing?
A save the date for a year hence wouldn't stop me over booking, but a formal invitation, formally replied to would.

Thank you! I am fairly close to my cousin, but only see her a couple of times a year. It is more a "save the date" thing, but I have said i will go to the first wedding, so I think I will do that!
Sad, as I haven't been to a wedding in years, now two on the same day!

its fine IMO to cancel an accepted invite to a colleagues wedding for a family wedding (with plenty of notice).

but if you’re genuinely friends with a colleague and not that close to a cousin then it’s also fine IMO to sadly decline the family wedding for an existing commitment.

it all depends on who means more to you.

Definitely the friend's wedding - she asked you first, plus (in my view) friends take priority over family, as friends are the people we actually like!

Family wins. Your friend will understand.

Your friend asked first and you’ve accepted so I’d just tell the cousin that unfortunately you already have plans for that day and cannot attend.

Assuming the weddings are still a ways off and your cousin hasn't invited you at the last minute, I think which wedding you go to depends on who is most important to you.

It's fine to allow family weddings to trump friends. It isn't just about your relationship with your cousin, it's about the whole family and how those familial bonds are renewed and strengthened. Weddings and other big events that much of an extended family attend are often high value in terms of ensuring people in the family (not just the even VIP) stay in touch and feel supported and loved.

But you aren't obliged to. Not all families are so close, or use big events in this way. Or you may just not be that bothered about your family (which is fine). And it's also the case that other bonds, like the one with your work friend (and possibly other friends who might also be invited), are strengthened in the same way.

For a general party, it's rude to change an acceptance because you got a "better" offer. But for a major life event, ranking how important people are to you is not unreasonable. Fortunately it's fairly rare for invites to these sort of life events to clash. But when they do, sticking to a first invite wins "rule" over a long standing and deeper connection to someone is not appropriate.