Aibu to think Brother is being rude about Christmas invite

[mariasgotabrandnewbag]

To cut a long story short my seven-year-old DS has ADHD, he can be very sensitive to certain things one being my parents dog who has a history of nipping, usually in overexcitement but it does spark a lot of emotion in DS.
I have invited my parents over for Christmas Day and made it very clear that the dog isn’t invited and I’m sure that the dog would be okay if they came over for just a couple of hours and left the dog alone For a short period. They agreed and have been accepting of this, which is quite unusual, but I’m really grateful.
My 53-year-old brother still lives with my mum and dad, I had hoped that he would be spending Christmas with his girlfriend but it seems not, he messaged me to ask about the dog situation and I felt I needed to ask if he was coming over for Christmas dinner but he replied with a very blunt ‘ Don’t know yet, it’s up to Mum Mum and Dad’. I find this quite rude because In actual fact I’d rather he didn’t come but I’ve invited him and he’s not responded in a way that I would, also I need to plan my shopping and do extra cooking and get extra provisions, et cetera et cetera. Me and my brother are not close at all, we see each other maybe once a year and we are the complete opposite. How would you deal with this?

If it was my brother I'd be tempted to text back 'don't be a dick, are you coming or not?'

“Let me know by the end of today for catering purposes.” Then leave it there.

I need to know if you’re coming or not for food purposes can you let me know by tomorrow pls. Thanks.

^^ I’d send this

Seems odd he called you to ask about the dog when it’s your parents dog. Anyway why did you ask him when you don’t want him there. I would simply reply and say - i’ll take that as a ‘no’, have a lovely Christmas and they just stick to your plan.

If it was my brother I’d reply, ‘I’ve already heard from mum & dad, can you let me know either way you’re coming by tomorrow as I’m food shopping’ .

Very weird that a 53 year old man would be using his parents as an excuse not to make his own mind up.

@1apenny2apennyyes I wish I’d had done that! He’s very entitled.

it’s like he was fishing to make sure I’d invited him!

He sounds like a pain in the arse. I’d reply “I’ll take that as a no”. And then make sure he knows he can’t change his mind.

@ChangingplaceIt’s weird i agree.

What does he mean, though? Is he looking after the dog? Why does it depend on your parents? “Are you coming over?” isn’t a particularly enthusiastic invitation. I suspect there’ll be a his side to this story.

"Can you let me know by end of tomorrow if you're coming, otherwise I'll assume it's a no."

You are an adult. Just tell him: you have been a twat, don't come over.

That is all you need to do.

Is the other side of this that he can’t come because your mum and dad need him to look after the dog?

A dinner for (I assume) 5 is not much that a dinner for 6 though, most people have left overs.

@Stressystressylemonzestynot really the point though is it. I’m buying food which is bloody expensive and catering with extras for starters and desserts and crackers etc, hes not even acknowledged his invite because he’s assumed he will go wherever mum and dad go at 53!

@arethereanyleftatallno he doesn’t look after the dog. The dog is only 2 years old and can be left for short periods. My brother isn’t held responsible for anything

You and the dog are not invited.

I’d just say “if I haven’t heard by xxx date xxx time I’ll assume you’re not coming” and then it’s totally on him to confirm rather than on you to chase.

So you didn’t invite him at the same time as your parents, with whom he lives? You hoped he was spending Christmas with his girlfriend and when he wasn’t you belatedly asked if he was coming in a way that sounds explicitly grudging, and are surprised he’s not falling over himself with gratitude?

I’m confused - your parents are already coming? So why has he said that? Just say they’re coming to mine.

I assume they’ve asked him to look after the dog (which I why you mentioned the dog in your OP).

Why not reply “what do you mean?” - I don’t understand why you didn’t write this straight away.

It sounds like your parents have been moaning to him about you not inviting the dog and he feels he needs to stay home and look after it.

I mean, it's not that strange to think your own sister would invite you for Christmas, if she is inviting the parents you live with. It would be weird to invite two people out of a household and not the third when you are all related.

But I agree with the pp.
If you are cooking Christmas dinner for 4, then a 5th doesn't really make that much difference, surely ?

I DO think he is being weird, and rude, but, he's your brother, so, like another pp I'd have to tell him to stop mucking about and give you a straight yes or no my X time tomorrow as you will be going shopping.

Family relationships are often very complex. Your brother may still
feel he needs your parents approval of what he does, especially at Christmas. It’s annoying to you but he has to live with them the rest of the year. My sister who lived with my parents till they died would never consider doing anything independently of them on Christmas. Day. If you don’t really want your brother there it was foolish to ask him. I wouldn’t be putting any more pressure on him to make a decision. But there again I’m used to being prepared for any and every eventuality when it comes to hosting.

I wonder if it’s because he’s hearing OPs parents discussing their reluctance to leave the dog and are debating not going. Brother saying it depends on them cos he thinks they may not go,

I think it’s this. It didn’t strike me as a rude reply OP. He just doesn’t know if he’s invited or if he’s the dog sitter.

What did he phone up for then? What exactly did he ask about the dog!