AIBU to not buy PIL gifts?

[Chiavennasca]

I love my PIL and we have a great relationship. Their son, my DH, is an only child. We are spending Christmas with them at their house.

My own mum died this year, 4 months ago. My dad died years ago. This is my first Xmas without parents and I’m dreading it. But I’m still trying my best for our DS who is 7. I normally buy all the gifts for everyone and my DH only has to buy gifts for me. This year, I explained to him I found the idea of shopping for his parents whilst having no parents of my own to shop for too painful. He completely understood and said he’d sort his parents presents.

it’s now less than a week till the big day and he has bought them both hee-haw! As each day passes I’ve thought “not my problem” but at the same time we cannot turn up to their house on Christmas Day without gifts! My own sister (27) and her DS (4) are also coming with us to my PIL’s as she is also close with them more so since our mum died and even she’s bought them a gift.

Should I just go out and buy them gifts? I’ve repeatedly reminded my husband but he’s not doing anything about it!

Let him do it. DH always gets his own parents stuff. If he gets nothing that’s on him

I would speak to him today and say do you have a plan, we simply can’t go without a gift.

Tell him he’s got this weekend to do it or they’ll end up with nothing.

He’ll get the gifts last minute. Won’t be something you’d have chosen. But they will be bought, at some stage! You might have to wrap them. And write the card. And make sure they’re packed…

Get a bottle of decent champagne and some good quality chocolates. Stash them away, hidden.

If push comes to crunch, take them.

If DH buys gifts, take or keep said booze and chocs. (Makes a nice hostess gift whether DH comes up trumps or not.)

Yanbu. But also, how lovely are your PIL, inviting your sister and nephew too. I hope, despite the sadness, you have good moments.

I'm in same situation and having to ride it out and accept that I will have to stand there and just accept feeling awful when he has nothing to hand over, and be willing to be clear it was entirely on him.

What I suspect will happen for us is my dh will do some last minute desperate shopping attempt at motorway services on the way there!

It can’t be your responsibility to buy presents for his parents. It’s your husband’s job.

It’s completely understandable that you’re not able to buy presents for another persons mum and dad when you’ve lost both of yours. Even PIL would probably say the same.

If he buys nothing, dont feel guilty.

Hold your nerve. If you get to Christmas Day and there are no presents for them just say to PIL that you found it too difficult this year and asked DH to do it - he can take the blame.

use this as a chance to hand over responsibility for presents for your husband’s family to him completely. I do this and often they get nothing, or some crap from the local supermarket, but it’s not my problem.