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14 replies

ActiveBonnet · 19/12/2025 06:02

Sitting in a service station contemplating my life. My husband has relapsed and went a coke binge with friends. He's been battling this addiction for 2 years. He's been clean for about 3 months, doing so well. I've been lied to so much, for so long and that's what hurts the most.

I'm miles from home and far too tired to drive it. I'll probably just sit here for a while trying to figure out what to do.

I feel bereft. I thought he'd kicked it. We've come away for the weekend, I was so very looking forward to it.

He's fast asleep at the moment, he doesn't know I've gone. I've left him a message, he probably won't wake up for a few hours. It will be a terrible shock to him that I've gone and I know he will go out of his mind with regret.

Part of me is really worried about him when he finds out I'm not there anymore. Not in any way to do with my safety but more his mental health.

I just can't take the lies anymore. They were so blatant. I thought I could smell the coke on him, it permeates through his skin, but he gaslighted me. I can still smell him on me now. Horrible chemically smell. I checked his phone while he was sleeping and it's obvious what's happened.

I don't know if this is the end. It should be. All of our dreams and the future we had built is going to come down around us. My teenage child is
going to be devastated.

So I'm just sitting here, alone in some service station car park, writing all of this down. I don't know if anyone's going to read this but it's probably good for me to get it down in black and white.

OP posts:
ChaChaChaChanges · 19/12/2025 06:06

I’m so very sorry. Can you nap in the car for a couple of hours to give you the strength to drive home?

Highlighta · 19/12/2025 06:11

I'm so sorry @ActiveBonnet

I think perhaps you have reached the point now and see that the addiction had taken over.

There is a addiction board and you will get a lot of good advice there.

But right now, you have to do what is best for your DC and you. Can you go home and then have some time away from him to just digest this?

You do not have to make any hard decisions today. Today you need to just put yourself first. It is very okay to do that.

PeeledOranges · 19/12/2025 06:13

You absolutely can't take responsibility for his mental health - you must put yourself first here. You have DC. Your dp is an adult. It's exhausting supporting someone through recovery so I'm not surprised you have reached your limits.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 19/12/2025 06:13

I'm sorry about this and what it means for you and your family. He has crossed a red line for you and that is on him. Can you go inside and get yourself a hot drink?

Addicts lie because they prioritise their addiction. He won't change until he reaches his rock bottom and wants to himself. I suggest you get some support for you and your son. First though, do you have a friend or family member you can talk to about what's going on? We tend to protect the person (the addict) by not discussing things with others and that means not getting the support we need.

ActiveBonnet · 19/12/2025 06:17

Thank you for replying.

I'll look up the addiction board.

I feel like I'm the one that's about to blow apart the family. I know that realistically it's him, but I will feel responsible.

It looks like McDonalds has opened up now, I will go and get a hot chocolate.

OP posts:
DoreensLemonDrizzle · 19/12/2025 06:17

I’m sorry to read this. Stupid practical advice - watch if the car park has a parking limit for free parking.

I once found myself parked up and contemplating life in a service station. I found a website offering day rates for hotels and went and got myself some sleep. Is this an option?

ActiveBonnet · 19/12/2025 06:21

DoreensLemonDrizzle · 19/12/2025 06:17

I’m sorry to read this. Stupid practical advice - watch if the car park has a parking limit for free parking.

I once found myself parked up and contemplating life in a service station. I found a website offering day rates for hotels and went and got myself some sleep. Is this an option?

I did check that actually, I've got 3 hours free parking left.

I took the dog with me which makes it harder to find a hotel.

OP posts:
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 19/12/2025 06:34

Wow, I am so so sorry, OP. Addiction is very hard to overcome. People have to commit each day to sobriety, and for some, it's struggle every day. I wonder if there are Narcotics Anonymous meetings near you. If so, he should go, and often. There is a lot of help available for addiction, but he has to be determined. Maybe potentially losing you will give him that impetus. Perhaps breaking up is being cruel to be kind. Doesn't necessarily have to be forever. But it would give you both the space to decide what you want: Him, to decide how much he wants to be drug-free. You, to decide if you still want to fight this battle alongside him.

I wonder if there's a group for family members of people living with addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous has Al-Anon. Maybe Narcotics Anonymous has one, too.

I sympathise deeply, OP. Addiction takes a deep toll on partners.

DoreensLemonDrizzle · 19/12/2025 06:36

@ActiveBonnet Good that you have the dog for company. Keep warm.

The dayuse website allows you for filter for pets allowed at the hotel.

ThisJadeBear · 19/12/2025 06:46

I can remember that smell as if it were yesterday - it smells like an overfull ashtray.
It is vile. It is a terrible substance.
He is an addict and if you accept him back he will keep hurting you. Yes, he’s done three months but it’s a lifelong commitment.
If you accept him back, he will keep doing it.
If you tell him to leave, and really mean it, he will have to accept that is the consequence of his actions.
If his mental health worsens, or whatever happens as a result, he has to deal with it, OP. Only he can help himself.
You deserve a good life free from drug use. You are not responsible.
If you speak to someone who has genuinely got clean they’ve usually hit rock bottom and have decided to get clean and often attend CA. It’s a lifelong job and only the addict can do it. It has to come from him.
Being so helpful and loving often leads to enabling by loved ones. There are no consequences.
I know the pain you are in but once I left it was the best thing I ever did. I can remember the smell, and when he slept I found a few bags of coke in his coat. It still turns my stomach.
Please look after yourself and put yourself and your DC first.
You are not responsible and you cannot stop him from using. Addicts choose themselves every time, unless they really commit to sobriety.

Itsjusttoomuchtoday · 19/12/2025 06:50

Has he sought any help from NA or otherwise? If he keeps hanging out with people who use, he will use again.

bugalugs45 · 19/12/2025 07:12

I’ve been where you are and firstly let me say I’m soooo sorry.
My ex sold several Christmas presents for a fix once , that was a new low .
Its been 8 years since we split as I genuinely just couldn’t take it anymore , and it took a long time to rebuild me ,
but it’s the best decision I ever made .
You can’t help him if he won’t help himself .
I was a shadow of my former self , always on edge, constantly checking him , hiding money in my car so he couldn’t steal it , it’s no life to live .
I only use Mumsnet on an app so I can’t say pm me but I’m thinking of you and you can do this , choose you , your child and your dog . sending so much love xx

DinoLil · 19/12/2025 07:17

Be proud that you've had the strength and courage to walk away. Keep that strength, hold it tight.

As an aside, Travelodges allow dogs. Can you find one nearby and get some rest?

soccermum10 · 19/12/2025 07:32

Oh no I'm so sorry OP. You have definitely done the right thing. Where's your teenager now?

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