Sitting in a service station contemplating my life. My husband has relapsed and went a coke binge with friends. He's been battling this addiction for 2 years. He's been clean for about 3 months, doing so well. I've been lied to so much, for so long and that's what hurts the most.
I'm miles from home and far too tired to drive it. I'll probably just sit here for a while trying to figure out what to do.
I feel bereft. I thought he'd kicked it. We've come away for the weekend, I was so very looking forward to it.
He's fast asleep at the moment, he doesn't know I've gone. I've left him a message, he probably won't wake up for a few hours. It will be a terrible shock to him that I've gone and I know he will go out of his mind with regret.
Part of me is really worried about him when he finds out I'm not there anymore. Not in any way to do with my safety but more his mental health.
I just can't take the lies anymore. They were so blatant. I thought I could smell the coke on him, it permeates through his skin, but he gaslighted me. I can still smell him on me now. Horrible chemically smell. I checked his phone while he was sleeping and it's obvious what's happened.
I don't know if this is the end. It should be. All of our dreams and the future we had built is going to come down around us. My teenage child is
going to be devastated.
So I'm just sitting here, alone in some service station car park, writing all of this down. I don't know if anyone's going to read this but it's probably good for me to get it down in black and white.