Help from peep who can turn bad thinking into good

[Mancity08]

So I have a thing where if I’ve nothing to go too outside the house , I find it hard to motivate myself to do something/anything
More so if partner is home (because he can sit there scrolling on phone for hours)
Normally I’d do something round the house
clean, iron , clear a cupboard just something to move me .
but every now and again I start to think
” why should I just do it”
I know it’s not in his interest to even think something needs dusting,changing etc even more so now at 71
so why do I let this affect me so much ??

How do I turn my thinking regarding this situation
stop it from winding me up and feel hostile about him? Just for my own mh

peep 🙏

Just do your own thing, he's not going to change so don't let him stop you doing what you want to. Don't worry about things you can't change. Plan your days go for a walk, watch a good film, if he doesn't interact don't bother with him.

You and you’re thinking aren’t the issue.

The issue seems to be that your partner isn’t pulling their weight.

Get yourself a white board/chalk board and have a column for each of you with your daily/weekly chores on so they can be delegated equally.

If you don’t like that idea just discuss things clearly instead. “DH, today the bathroom needs cleaning and the bed needs changing, which one would you like to pick.”

BadgernTheGarden
Perhaps I havnt written this correctly
its not him that stops me from doing things , we do have chats

it’s more if there’s nothing we need/want to do outside the home either separate or together

It’s when we’re in the house together in the daytime.
He thinks just hoovering is cleaning, doesn’t even enter his head things like
changing beds
cleaning bathroom- I’ve just recently got him to wipe down shower after decades !
dusting, cleaning inside windows etc etc
I can’t stand that it never occurs to him 😳 and he will sit for hours strolling on phone .
If I have mentioned it, about things needed replacing,changed whatever it’s ok I’ll do it like I’m nagging

This is my thinking problem
how do I get past him not pulling his weight with household chores without him thinking I’m picking at him, causing an argument ,
I can’t sit down all day doing nothing in the house on days of not going out
but, don’t want it that I do it alone

"we need to have a quick tidy round before we go to Tesco, do you want to hoover or empty the dish washer?"

Never too late to teach an old dog new tricks

DaisyChain505

will try doing the choice thing next time as he just doesn’t seem to notice like weekly/monthly jobs need doing .

Just thought I might get someone else view on how to change my thinking to help ME not let it affect my mh
perhaps I should ask other elders how they handle husband

as Herbisaurous says, do it together. Are you sure that this is what's really bothering you? Its a bit late in the day if you've never noticed before, or never mindedd before!

If it is, fairly simple to have two half days a week that the two of you do the housework and then perhaps go to lunch? Making the beds together every morning? one washes the other dries (or one fills the other empties)

Both get into online gaming with glamorous avatars!

well it depends, my dh 69 does tons in the garage/yard/home maintenance and all the heavy lifting (moving appliances to vacuum behind) taking down the light fixtures/lampshades for washing (grant it twice a year).

equally come spring yard work he puts in the majority of bull work, then i prance in and plant a few perennials and take all the credit.

so come this time of year when i'm yes dusting vacuuming popping in laundry and planning meals he's researching EV's and sitting 12+ hours with headphones on (thankfully otherwise i'd go insane).

i'm okay with the balance but if you are not can you include ONE nice thing for yourself per day? be it a walk outdoors or at a mall, call a friend over for coffee or meet them at a coffeeshop. manicure etc.
i'm personally okay with a little me time once a week.

But your thinking isn't the problem here