Help (and sorry for the long post). I am totally at my wits’ end. I have two extremely sensitive children. I love them to pieces * *and to some extent I understand their behaviour as I’m innately sensitive too. But I honestly sometimes feel like I don’t know what to do. Did I just get unlucky with a particularly challenging situation? Am I doing something wrong?!
My DD7 has recently been going through a situation where she gets extremely worked up/sensitive about bedtime. She will cry and shout and not go to sleep until very very late, saying she is upset about going to school (she actually in general seems very happy at school , has lots of friends , likes learning etc). And tonight (again) a teeny tiny moment of upset (caused by a pillow fight with her brother) spiralled into her screaming if I tried to put her brother to bed, or leave her be for a bit and blocking the way if I tried to go downstairs). I want to stress that nothing mega has recently changed at home, and I spend so much time with my kids - I try hard to spend time with them after school and in the holidays (I have a flexible job!) my DD makes a big fuss about being nervous or upset about holiday camps or clubs etc) honestly I feel like I’m stretching myself more than anyone I know and my children can take less than any other kids I can see… but then my DD does genuinely seem sad and anxious and I don’t want to judge her for that!
And then DS10 (who may have some undiagnosed SEN issues i think - borderline mildly autistic, but equally has lots of friends, does very well at academics and in general likes school, although I think feels the pressure to be very good at everything even through we encourage growth mind set etc) has recently told me that he has a “sadness” all the time except when he is with his friends. I’m glad that he feels he can trust me to tell me this but it obviously makes me worried and I’m wondering what we can do.
My general feeling is that he is very sensitive rather than there is something specifically wrong, and also with DD that she is very sensitive too and that I need to help them face life. I want to do this and have always tried to teach (and model) that all emotions are ok but certain behaviours aren’t etc. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing a good job of this, sometimes not (and in the past me and dh argued too much, which occasionally the children saw, but I feel like we’ve got a handle on that now).
I had quite an unhappy childhood because of the way my parents raised me (real emotions not really allowed) so it’s really important to me to do this right but I feel like somehow I’m screwing all this up because my children seem unhappy despite everything. What I actually feel like to be honest is that I am trying so so hard but that somehow I’m expected to be superhuman with two children who need so so much. (More than other children need? I don’t know. Either way it feels impossible sometimes that I can be trying so hard to be patient and understanding and kind and emotionally literate and that people seem so unhappy.) I feel v despairing right now. Any advice so appreciated thanks.