Caring for multiple people, burning out and feeling guilty

[exhaustedandoverit]

NC for this

I'm caring for 2 adults and my 2 young kids and I’m so so tired.

both my mum and my OH have health issues, one physical and one neurological. Mum is immobile and OH spends the majority of his time in the bedroom, unable to spend much if any time helping me. We all live with my mum as she’d have gone to a care home otherwise.

Neither of them can attend an appointment alone so I’ve been using my holiday hours to take them, sometimes full days, which are now running out. I cook for us all and clean the house as neither of the adults can do this. Plus all the usual organisation that a house needs to tick over but I’m doing it so badly and feel like I’m always on the back foot.

I also work and have to do the school pick ups, obviously this time of year is hard with nativities and trips etc so I have to make sure I’m available. I have to drive them to school now we’ve moved. I’m also the sole earner apart from some UC and my mums pension. He's been refused PIP.

I'm feeling really guilty as I’m just done. I dream of a little house with just me and the kids where they get to play without my mums disapproving looks and only having us to worry about. I don’t want any harm to come to OH or mum, I just want to escape this life that I’m not actually living and wave a magic wand to make everyone well again. My kids miss our old house too and I miss spending decent time with them without someone else needing my help which sounds awful I know.

OHs illness has caused me to build up debt that I just can’t shift, I’m now finding out about more debt that he’s caused but can’t remember/thought he’d sorted. I can’t just leave him but he’s making my life so hard. He also has horrible moods which make me not want to be around him.

How does anyone deal with this without building massive resentment or burning out entirely? The kicker that’s knocked me tonight is OH is feeling really ill and wants to go to the hospital but not til tomorrow. Selfishly on my part I have so much to do tomorrow, it’s a big day at work and the kids have stuff on after school that they really need to do. I just want to take him in now so I can prep for tomorrow but he won’t go. I’m scared that I’ll be in trouble at work but he really needs to be seen, I’ve had so many emergency holidays between everyone else’s health issues. I honestly can’t do this anymore, every time I feel at rock bottom it gets worse.

sorry if this is jumbled and overly long. I think I just need to get it out.

What is wrong with your DH? What is he doing to help himself and contribute to his family’a life?

You can apply for your mum’s AA yourself but I guess h that is yet another chore. She can also have a social care assessment to assess her needs. As you are all living in her house, I am unsure if that would stop her being eligible for care.

your DH may be unwell but he also sounds selfish.

I do understand that if you are chronically ill / in pain or struggling with mental health, even getting out of bed is a challenge. This varies from person to person though. For example if your DH was a single resident parent/ widower, what would happen to your children if he cannot do anything for them? If that was his circumstance, does he think he is too ill to care for them and they will therefore need to be taken into care?