Single Parents, no help. How do you do it?!

[WhyPig]

I became a single parent last year to a 3 year old. All was fine as had help from family members. Now, due to a combination of ill health, moving away etc. I have zero outside help and it is so much harder!

How do you manage time off work? I work in education so can't book annual leave. Had to take unpaid leave for a few emergencies and I can really feel my employer becoming irate with me.

If you don't work in education, how do you cover childcare in the holidays, especially if financially paying for wrap around care is tough?

How do you manage hair or dentist appointments with an active toddler?

What do you do when you get really ill? I got an injury recently and wanted to cry, it was so hard to do everything.

I also don't feel like I spend enough time just playing with my little one. There's always so much to do!

I would really appreciate your advice!

You need to build your village. It’s impossible to manage without a support network. Mine comprises school mums who have been a life saver on more than one occasion. I think you will probably find it easier when you have school parents to connect with. I do a lot of play dates and help others as much as I can. also helps my son who is an only child . If he’s occupied playing with a friend it frees me up to do things around the house. Don’t be afraid to ask for help . I have found people to be so generous if I need to drop him off on the way to a hair appointment or a smear! I had to force myself to ask for help and have been really surprised how kind others have been

As dunroaming suggests, build your village, it’s critical. There are lots of other parents juggling, and people are understanding and will be incredibly kind. You’ll find play dates will allow you to return favours.

i worked full time for a few years with an employer who wasn’t very tolerant of the time I needed for parenting and it was hard. Eventually managed to find a school hours job and we were tight on money but it was so much better.

• holiday child care is tough. I had to book child care well in advance and be very organise about booking play dates with friends. It often cost more than I earned.
• batch cooking
• used mobile hair dresser who did all of our haircuts at home
• took dc with me everywhere, including to the doctors. Relied on friends for v personal appointments or booked them during my normal work hours.
• dentist appointments all together - they have toys in the room
• being ill is hard. Build a stock of frozen prepped meals for x5 days in freezer + pantry

I’m also a single parent (of two children) and work in education. I don’t think I could manage full time! If either me or the kids are a bit unwell I have to keep us going until my days off. I also use my days off for appointments and life admin so I’m not trying to do it when I have the children. In the holidays I sometimes use sports camps for a breather and to get jobs done. In a true emergency I’d have to ask my parents to drive over but it’d be three hours for them to come.

Thank you for the advice. It looks like I need to get organised, otherwise at this rate I will lose my job.

I probably need to start being a social butterfly to build a village which I absolutely am not. All my friends live too far away but I realise that I need to make more close mum ones.

I can see wrap around childcare costing more than I earn at times too but I don't seem to have a choice. I better stay in education because of the holidays. I was hoping for some elusive WFH job that pays loads and gives me the Summer off (drifts into fantasy land...)

I had to change jobs 😅 but one child has additional needs, so the amount of medical appointments were vast and nursery were constantly calling to pick her up..it was impossible, I felt everyone getting annoyed.

I do hybrid work now and in emergencies work from home, night or day, whenever to do my bits.

I am a single parent to twins from age 1 and a 4 year old - no village - nearest family is 4 hours away. The only way I could manage is with really reliable and good childcare and a sympathetic boss

@calminggreen sorry if this is a stupid question but do you pay someone for emergency childcare on a when needed basis (1 or 2 days when required)? If yes, how do you find people who do this and how do you know if they are trusted? I only know there are childminders who are employed for weekly care but not as an emergency option at short notice.

No but I know my kids before/after school childminder would help me out if i really needed to - one of my twins was seriously ill in hospital last year for several weeks and she was a big help letting them stay later than the usual pick up time or even a Saturday when I had to get one to a&e. Also other mums at the school - once they knew what had happened post divorce and then agin when one was ill many dropped me private messages offering help / taking eldest for a few hours etc - I work full time so don’t do the school runs very often so didn’t know many of the mums very well

I’ve known my childminder for years - I’d used various other childcare over the years but I just had a sense she was a good person when we met