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A lot going on - how to manage

2 replies

Porkpieandmustard · 14/12/2025 22:04

I’m feeling pretty stressed at the moment and can’t think properly.

I have a full time job (which I really enjoy). Working with people with serious mental health problems, so brings it’s own stresses.

My DH has cancer and is starting treatment soon. He has 6 weeks of treatment and I will be taking him there and back which I want to do. I will take half or a full day off work for that.

DH does not want my sister or my mum to know about the cancer so I can’t explain the additional stress I am under.

My mum has cancer and there is no treatment available. She’s 89. Wants to stay at home. Lives alone. Has carers but eventually will need medical care of some sort. I live 2 hours away and so does my sister (in the other direction).
She is retired and so able to (& wants to) go more often. She is older than me and has taken on the role of ‘care co-ordinator’ so is sending me lists of things I need to do. She is quite bullying- always has been - and I’m finding that hard to deal with now that we’re in more frequent contact.

I do want to help my mum but I have always known that I wouldn’t want to take on a lot of care, if she needed it. We don’t have an easy relationship and I am angry about treatment of me and my DD in the past so I am not doing as much as my sister and don’t want to.

Im going roughly once a week and helping with laundry, food shopping and cooking, cleaning etc. And providing some company.

Ive taken days off work sometimes because I can’t always go at weekends. But I don’t want to keep taking leave either.

I don’t know what I should be doing. But I am exhausted by the stress, I don’t feel I’m doing my job properly.

I have my own health problems which need to be sorted out. I’ll probably need surgery for one, waiting for an appointment to discuss that.

Sorry this is so long- helps to write it down.

OP posts:
Tammygirl12 · 14/12/2025 22:06

I would say to your husband it’s unfair of him to expect you to carry this alone and you need to be able to share the update with your family so they can emotionally support you and understand you have additional stressors

Porkpieandmustard · 14/12/2025 22:22

Thanks @Tammygirl12 they won’t emotionally support me though. My DD knows and she’s very supportive (he’s not her dad).

OP posts:
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