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Original poster

Backseat drivers are you able to explain why you do it, please?

32 replies

upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 17:26

I gave a colleague a lift home from a night out last weekend.

I put my sat nav on to get home. I always do when it’s a journey of 15 minutes or more as it’s less thinking for me. I

I don’t have the sound on it, I really struggle with auditory instructions of any kind so this is how I find my way about. I am a safe and competent driver who has never had an accident.

My colleague got in the car and - unprompted- proceeded to direct me at every single junction/roundabout/ turn.

For me, this is as distracting as someone tapping me on the shoulder and saying “look over THERE!” I was trying to focus on the road and my journey but had CONSTANT interjections from her about what lane to be in, etc etc.

In the end I had to stop the car and explain that you shouldn’t distract someone when they are driving and if I wanted help I would ask for it.

Can I please ask - if you are someone who does this, without being asked for your input - WHY?

OP posts:
TaffetaPhrases · 14/12/2025 17:31

I’m controlling bitch and I think my husband drives like an anxious granny.

He is also a controller but through the medium of indecision and cautiousness.

we are both eldest children which is the root of the problem I suspect….we do it to each other

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 17:31

Part of the reason I ask is because my DP has a bit of form for this and when I was telling him about he said I was the only ‘weirdo’ who doesn’t appreciate the ‘help’.

Does anyone find it helpful?

OP posts:
Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 17:32

TaffetaPhrases · 14/12/2025 17:31

I’m controlling bitch and I think my husband drives like an anxious granny.

He is also a controller but through the medium of indecision and cautiousness.

we are both eldest children which is the root of the problem I suspect….we do it to each other

Edited

So you try to ‘drive’ the car for him, even though you’re the passenger? That’s mind blowing.

OP posts:

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Driving & parking
Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 17:55

Maybe I should have put this in AIBU because I wasn’t sure

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 17:58

That would drive me mad 😄

I have the satnav on my phone for the school run so I can keep an eye on the traffic, even though I know the route

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 18:00

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/12/2025 17:58

That would drive me mad 😄

I have the satnav on my phone for the school run so I can keep an eye on the traffic, even though I know the route

It was genuinely like taking a driving test!

She was so taken aback when I said something but she was so distracting I couldn’t carry on.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 14/12/2025 18:02

Because the driver might not know the way?

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 18:03

HeddaGarbled · 14/12/2025 18:02

Because the driver might not know the way?

They’re following a sat nav that the passenger can see with their very eyes?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 14/12/2025 18:06

Was she telling you a different route to the satnav? She may well have known a better one. And sometimes it can be helpful to be told which lane to be in on an unfamiliar road if you're going to be turning again soon etc.

A passenger giving directions is potentially less distracting than following the screen of your satnav as you don't need to take your eyes of the road. Sounds like she was trying to be helpful.

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 18:13

DappledThings · 14/12/2025 18:06

Was she telling you a different route to the satnav? She may well have known a better one. And sometimes it can be helpful to be told which lane to be in on an unfamiliar road if you're going to be turning again soon etc.

A passenger giving directions is potentially less distracting than following the screen of your satnav as you don't need to take your eyes of the road. Sounds like she was trying to be helpful.

No, she was dictating exactly what the sat nav was and her behaviour was distracting.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 14/12/2025 19:01

I’d not consider someone giving you directions to their home as ‘back seat driving’ though I suppose if they drifted from directions into how to drive then I might mention it.

hiw did you know where to go? Do you know where they live? Usually the B person knows the best directions for the current traffic conditions

id always ask someone for directions if I was driving them home.

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:08

FinallyHere · 14/12/2025 19:01

I’d not consider someone giving you directions to their home as ‘back seat driving’ though I suppose if they drifted from directions into how to drive then I might mention it.

hiw did you know where to go? Do you know where they live? Usually the B person knows the best directions for the current traffic conditions

id always ask someone for directions if I was driving them home.

Would you not think to ask first?

‘Shall I direct you at every junxtion’

’no thanks, I’m good, I’m used to finding my way around in my car with google maps’

We live in the same city, btw, a couple of streets apart but were coming from the next city,

OP posts:
TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 14/12/2025 19:09

TaffetaPhrases · 14/12/2025 17:31

I’m controlling bitch and I think my husband drives like an anxious granny.

He is also a controller but through the medium of indecision and cautiousness.

we are both eldest children which is the root of the problem I suspect….we do it to each other

Edited

God he sounds like my DH, it is like he is driving a hearse. Today he stalled the car coming out of a junction, he has been driving 40 odd years. I could push the car faster than he drives. Yeah I moan at him it gets right on my nerves (yes I could drive but he actually likes driving and I drive all day at work).

GreyCloudsLooming · 14/12/2025 19:09

None what you have described is back seat driving. That’s someone trying to be helpful. Back seat driving would be “you’re too close to that car in front,” or,”Watch out for that cyclist.”

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/12/2025 19:11

I was in a car crash so I get really anxious at times. I don’t talk over a sat nav or give directions unless asked, but I do say “careful!” and hit my imaginary brake a lot.

I can’t help it.

JohnofWessex · 14/12/2025 19:12

My ex wife was a dreadful backseat driver.

It has been suggested to me that she is either/and autistic and a narcissist. I am not the right person to judge this BUT given her track record it seems very likley.

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:13

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/12/2025 19:11

I was in a car crash so I get really anxious at times. I don’t talk over a sat nav or give directions unless asked, but I do say “careful!” and hit my imaginary brake a lot.

I can’t help it.

In sorry, and that’s really understandable. I’d be totally sympathetic to that.

OP posts:
Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:14

JohnofWessex · 14/12/2025 19:12

My ex wife was a dreadful backseat driver.

It has been suggested to me that she is either/and autistic and a narcissist. I am not the right person to judge this BUT given her track record it seems very likley.

That sort of makes sense.

For me, if you want it done your way then drive your own car. If you want a lift in mine let me drive, please.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 14/12/2025 19:16

upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:08

Would you not think to ask first?

‘Shall I direct you at every junxtion’

’no thanks, I’m good, I’m used to finding my way around in my car with google maps’

We live in the same city, btw, a couple of streets apart but were coming from the next city,

Show quote history

Yes, a passenger should ask if the driver wants their input. And if the driver had put the satnav on, unless I could see there was a problem with the route it was taking I’d STFU.

CheeseWisely · 14/12/2025 19:21

I don’t think giving directions to someone giving you a lift home is ‘backseat driving’ at all. That would be things like telling you to watch your speed, or you’re too close to the car in front, or you should have given way then, etc

I also think spoken instructions (either from sat-nav or a passenger) are much safer for most people than constantly looking at the sat-nav screen, and perhaps your passenger thought the same.

JohnofWessex · 14/12/2025 19:22

It aint what you do its the way that you do it ............

My wife can be challenging at communicating when I am driving

'Go the other way' But whats 'The other way'..........

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:23

CheeseWisely · 14/12/2025 19:21

I don’t think giving directions to someone giving you a lift home is ‘backseat driving’ at all. That would be things like telling you to watch your speed, or you’re too close to the car in front, or you should have given way then, etc

I also think spoken instructions (either from sat-nav or a passenger) are much safer for most people than constantly looking at the sat-nav screen, and perhaps your passenger thought the same.

But my passenger would be wrong as I have a diagnosed auditory processing disorder that I didn’t particularly feel like disclosing to a work colleague I was doing a favour to.

Her input was actively distracting.

If I’d have said ‘now I’ve got this thing here on silent but I’d MUCH rather you shout at me 3 seconds before every manoeuvre that might have been different.

OP posts:
Taweofterror · 14/12/2025 19:26

Did she maybe not notice the sat nav or was she definitely aware you put her address in?

I think I'd have just told her straight off the minute she started giving directions that she didn't need to rather than let it get to the point I had to pull over.

Original poster
upperlowerallover · 14/12/2025 19:27

Taweofterror · 14/12/2025 19:26

Did she maybe not notice the sat nav or was she definitely aware you put her address in?

I think I'd have just told her straight off the minute she started giving directions that she didn't need to rather than let it get to the point I had to pull over.

She could see it and I’m glad you agree that her behaviour warranted mentioning.

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 14/12/2025 19:28

@upperloweralloverBut without that knowledge they probably thought they were being helpful, or at least breaking what can only have been an awkward silent journey.

If you prefer the sat-nav to anything spoken you should probably just have pointed that out as you got in the car. ‘If you don’t mind Pamela I prefer to drive without chat and concentrate on the road, is this your address? The sat-nav will get us there, I don’t need you to direct’.