My get up and go has gone. Feeling flat.

[wantmorenow]

Late 50s, on HRT for 10 years, struggling with arthritis in hips and knees so poor sleep and no longer very active.
Recently moved to the "on paper", perfect 2 day a week teaching contract but I literally can't be arsed with anything. My kids are great and sorted in jobs and are happy, my partner is thoughtful, hardworking and kind, I have savings and we have just bought a project bungalow to do up for our retirement. I have nothing to worry or moan about but I am completely disinterested in doing anything.
I'm welded to the sofa but can't even watch a programme without getting bored. I brought out some art stuff 2 weeks ago but haven't even attempted to use them. My hip and knee pain means I'm nervous going out to town or gym on my own in case the pain gets too much. I recently ended up almost getting a taxi back to where I had parked because I was struggling to walk even with my stick.
I'm getting MRI results tomorrow to see what is wrong with knee, no progress on hip problem though.
I'm not sad, or tearful. Am I depressed? Do I get off hrt, go on ADs? I feel like I'm barely existing and definitely drinking too much too. 🥺 Have bought a few Xmas presents but still haven't done much. My housework is minimal but I still haven't the oomph to do more than the minimum. Could it be seasonal affects as I definitely felt better in the summer. Not great but definitely better.

I think Christmas is such an amplifier of everything else that is going on in our lives, both the good and bad!

I tell myself no one is keeping score and there are no medals!

Not judging, because I've been the same at times, but if you know you're drinking too much, try to stop for a while. It can really affect your mood, even one glass of wine. And then reassess what other course of action you can take to improve your happiness.

Maybe it's Xmas or the new house. OH is over there (it's a few hours away in our home town) working on it whilst I'm at home and without him here I do even less than normal because there's no accountability. I can't do the heavy DIY needed due to my arthritis. I also have vertigo which comes on periodically once or twice a year for a few days but this current attack is on week 3.

Life with chronic illness/ pain is not easy. Give yourself some grace. Don't forget to do safe excise that you can mange. Maybe try some excise on YouTube?
Definitely, go back to gp and ask for physiotherapist (they can give you an assessment and advice on safe movement and excise), occupational therapist (maybe they would advice on a better walking stick?) and get advice on better pain management.

Thank you. I have had so many different physiotherapists but each one diagnosed and contradicted the Previous one. Hopefully consultant will be definitive tomorrow. Maybe I am underestimating effect of chronic pain and my rapidly decreasing confidence to be autonomous out and about. I will get out in garden for an hour with my chickens as they do entertain me. 😁