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Original poster

I hate my present but don’t want to hurt DF

18 replies

JakeyRolling · 13/12/2025 18:47

It’s my 40th birthday and DF presented me with my gift.

it’s a gold square locket with a “toggle” type faster and I HATE it.

I never wear gold jewellery and I never take the necklace I currently wear off except to wear my wedding pears of VERY rare occasions.

I also feel he’s been conned as he paid £650 (he told me so I could add it to the insurance) for what is a very plain piece of jewellery that according to the website is only 9ct.

Most of the stuff on the website really isn’t to my taste, and the ones that are are a third of the price.

I am feeling so guilty - about hating it but also about considering swapping it on the quiet.

it would upset him to say how much I dislike it.

OP posts:

DepRosLil · 13/12/2025 19:41

Why not change the fastener on it? Easy job for any jeweller.

What’s a wedding pear? 🍐

ShawnaMacallister · 13/12/2025 19:43

Change it. There's no point keeping a hideous expensive necklace you don't like. Can you choose several pieces to the same value as the necklace if you can't get a refund?

ShawnaMacallister · 13/12/2025 19:43

DepRosLil · 13/12/2025 19:41

Why not change the fastener on it? Easy job for any jeweller.

What’s a wedding pear? 🍐

Edited

Pearls probably

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DepRosLil · 13/12/2025 19:46

ShawnaMacallister · 13/12/2025 19:43

Pearls probably

Show quote history

Ah yes probably!

My brain was imagining engraved fruit and assuming some inside joke between OP and their spouse

Endofyear · 13/12/2025 19:51

Can't you just gently tell him it's not your taste and ask him to return it and get a refund? Then you could both go shopping for something that's more you?

DappledThings · 13/12/2025 19:56

Tell him. This is why I cancelled presents all together years ago. Money being spent on something I hate made me so upset I couldn't ever handle it.

What's going to make you feel worse? Telling him and getting a chance to get something you like or accepting that a significant amount of money has been wasted? I couldn't bear the latter.

Inahuff · 13/12/2025 20:15

"Dad, I'm really sorry but I won't wear this. I don't like Gold. Since it was so expensive, I'd prefer you to have it back and get your money back. I appreciate it but it would just be a waste."

HeddaGarbled · 13/12/2025 20:22

I never wear gold jewellery and I never take the necklace I currently wear off except to wear my wedding pears of VERY rare occasions

You’re only 40. I know some women think having a ‘signature’ style is classy but there’s no harm in shaking things up a bit now and again.

Sunnydayze43 · 13/12/2025 21:14

Your DF spent a lot of money.
Even presuming he has it to spend, I'm just as sure that he wanted you to have something very special that you would love and enjoy wearing, knowing forever that it was a gift from him.
When I turned 16, my dad who was by that time separated from my mum, wanted to get me something very meaningful.
He actually asked a woman coworker of his for suggestions, and I still have the sterling silver locket, with a lovely scripted engraving on the back.
I think of my dad every time I wear it.
Could you not do as others have suggested and sit down with him and gently explain that you don't prefer to wear gold and, as stunning as the necklace is, it wouldn't be something you would wear enough to justify how special the gift is to you.
If he can return it perhaps he would be okay with letting you choose something that you do like, or going with you?

Chewbecca · 13/12/2025 21:17

Fiance or father?

Fends · 13/12/2025 21:29

Friend, father or fiance?

GooseyGandalf · 13/12/2025 21:29

I’m probably in the minority but I’d wear it a couple of times when he’s around, and then ignore it in the jewellery box.

It’s unfortunate that his taste isn’t yours, but I would feel rude criticising his taste, or his judgement. He tried to do something nice.

PinkArt · 13/12/2025 21:34

HeddaGarbled · 13/12/2025 20:22

I never wear gold jewellery and I never take the necklace I currently wear off except to wear my wedding pears of VERY rare occasions

You’re only 40. I know some women think having a ‘signature’ style is classy but there’s no harm in shaking things up a bit now and again.

'Only 40' is quite old enough to know your own taste and style. I've been disappointed to receive silver jewellery before because I almost never wear it. I don't need to shake things up, I know I'm a gold person. Even if the OP did want to shake things up, there are ways to do that that don't cost £650!

Original poster

JakeyRolling · 15/12/2025 18:52

So I broached the subject with him - stressed it was a lovely thought but I feel bad as I don’t wear gold jewellery and didn’t want to have it sitting in a box, and could we choose something together?

It did not go down well.

He’s making all sorts of excuses as to why he can’t come with me to get a refund and shop elsewhere- because nothing at this retailer appeals I stressed I wanted to choose together but best I’m going to manage is an exchange for something slightly less hideous I think.

OP posts:

TheTowerAtMidnight · 15/12/2025 18:54

Chewbecca · 13/12/2025 21:17

Fiance or father?

Unlikely to be her fiancé if she already has wedding pearls!

Original poster

JakeyRolling · 16/12/2025 07:47

Father

OP posts:

NowThatsWhatICallRecent · 16/12/2025 08:00

GooseyGandalf · 13/12/2025 21:29

I’m probably in the minority but I’d wear it a couple of times when he’s around, and then ignore it in the jewellery box.

It’s unfortunate that his taste isn’t yours, but I would feel rude criticising his taste, or his judgement. He tried to do something nice.

I see the OP has now told him she didn't like it, but I'm with you - I'd do exactly this. Even if something isn't your style, you never know when the right occasion to wear it might come along. If it's gold, it can always be sold at some time in the future when the DF will likely have forgotten about it.

SouthernNights59 · 16/12/2025 08:09

I would be grateful that my DF had gone to the trouble of choosing something special for me, and would wear it from time to time and think of him when I did so. One day he won't be there, and I don't see the point in being so inflexible over this now. And yes, I wear the same item of silver jewellery every day but couldn't imagine telling someone that I didn't like their choice.

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