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Original poster

Can’t Afford Christmas

28 replies

SkintThisChristmas · 13/12/2025 15:59

Before I got divorced I had (on the outside) a nice life. In reality XH is foul tempered and abusive. He always like to have nice things and by example the kids ( 18 and 16) tend to that too.

I got my ducks in a row, and the divorce was terrifying. We aren’t in the UK and he ended up doing very well out of the divorce.

This is the first Christmas post divorce, child maintenance has halved, and the expenses have increased.

I’m out Christmas Shopping for the kids, they know the budget is significantly reduced. They feel the drop in their standard of living, I feel it.
One wanted a bag that costs 250, she doesn’t want anything else. I can’t really afford it. I bought my own Christmas present from the kids today Total spend 20.

The older one works part time, and contributes. They both are great kids, doing well at school.

I don’t regret the divorce, but it is hard being so much poorer and Christmas Shopping is shit when you are on a strict budget, with people who know what they want, and it’s all expensive. It’s just hard, you know?

OP posts:
aCatCalledFawkes · 13/12/2025 18:12

SkintThisChristmas · 13/12/2025 18:03

They are and they aren’t. They certainly have been very privileged compared to the majority of people. They also are friends with people whose families are orders of magnitude wealthier. In some cases the kids themselves are wealthy.
But they work hard at school, the older has a part time job, they contribute to the household tasks.

On the other hand, no one who grows up in an abusive household is in any way spoiled. They are encouraged to view the world through a very particular lens, and are asked to navigate emotionally treacherous waters from a young g age. That’s hard.

I have come home and the one who wanted the bag has thought about it and picked something else that is in budget. But also said “I’ll get Dad to get the bag.” Which is in and of itself problematic behavior.

Show quote history

I'm fine with this. Why shouldn't Dad pick up the grind sometimes? My children have less of budget than the value of the bag spent on them but they also both go to there Dads on boxing day and have more spent on them. There is no reason for me to have to pick the bill up everytime. Neither of them have ever complained about there presents with me and love the presents they get from all of us all.

RollOnSunshine · 13/12/2025 18:20

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 13/12/2025 16:02

To be honest I wouldn’t spend £250 on a bag and we are reasonably comfortable, so I wonder if you also need to give yourself some grace alongside what other people are spending out this Christmas. They are of an age where a little realism is appropriate. Could you gently explain that due to the split your finances have taken a hit and the budget is now X. Then let them tell you what they want within that budget.

Edited

Snap.

We are firm believers in keeping children grounded in respect of finances. It will benefit them as they start to become working adults.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 13/12/2025 18:26

Christmas is about way more than money spent. Spend the time enjoying your children and having them enjoy you, Christmas memories will be made for life

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