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This what the right call - wasn't it?

5 replies

onthespot42 · 13/12/2025 15:37

DD13 wanted to do an low cost activity last month with a secondary school friend. I offered to collect the friend and drop off, plus feed afterwards also not not anything about friend or family circumstance when I asked for the parents number to confirm details and pick up - I said this one was on us as we were doing the inviting. Got profuse thanks back and a bit of a chatty text back, no offer to pay ( no biggie that's happened before with other mates ) DD has lots of mates. Never met the friend before - perfectly nice, well mannered . Didn't know the parent. Went to pick up . Address was very respectable " naice" area - could be rented - who knows peoples circumstances - it didn't matter ) although by UK standards would be regarded as quite posh. Parent was on the door step - totally normal interaction for secondary parents who don't know each other , I was in car - sent DD to door - thanks again type convo from car window . No more than one min pleasantries. DD had a great time , so did friend - hung out at our house till early evening and was taxied home by me. Another family member greeted me from door and thanked me when I dropped the kid off . Thought nothing of it .

In the last few days I've had two requests for money via the same number on text - a really small amount . One for forgetting card at supermarket just as it was about to close , kids would have nothing for breakfast - family members away etc . I was sceptical but it was an amount I could easily loose . I had another one late last night with a back story ( single parent, noone to ask etc) - sorry they hadn't paid me back - could I lend more for food? I considered offering a box of groceries but DH says not to interact - it feels "off". For context i have kids over the years at our home from all different back grounds at our home -its a diverse area. I do remember once a a young single parent gladly accepting food and drink heartily whilst waiting for her younger son with younger ds and I knew her circumstances weren't great and she was clearly hungry.

Anyway.. I just text back saying to get in touch with foodbank or safeguarding leading at school.. I didn't ask for the other money back- I'd written that off already. They responded a bit more with details that the school have helped in the past thanks for the advice, food bank doesn't offer much in the way of fresh food That was the right call - wasn't it ? I have not mentioned to DD obviously - Bank details did match the parents name- well the first initial did - I'm not sure of the kids surname - I don't want to ask DD . Odd and awkward - right ?

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 15:39

Absolutely! She’ll be a chancer!

LadyKenya · 13/12/2025 15:52

The thing is that she could be absolutely desperate, but going forward she may need more help than you are able to offer. I would have offered some food, as well as the rest of the advice you gave her, about asking the School, etc.

BeforeSigourneyWeaverTheyWoveTheirOwnSigourneys · 13/12/2025 15:56

I had this with a school mum once. At one point she was even on my doorstep begging for money.

I reported to safeguarding at school, and every time she asked for money for food/electric I offered to take the child for dinner and a sleepover so the kid was OK.

Age old story, it was for drugs, and her child eventually got removed thankfully.

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bitterexwife · 13/12/2025 16:03

I think you did the right thing. If your DD is friends with hers, let your DD know you thought she was a nice girl and she’s always welcome for dinner etc.
If the requests continue, contact school directly, as this may need a follow up properly.
Sadly, I also agree with PP on drugs possibility - when I was asked, the requests were very small at first, and then he thought nothing of it asking for £50 - £100 each weekend

onthespot42 · 13/12/2025 17:32

Good advice all -you've set my mind at rest. It's just not how the mum presented at the door or how the house was. Naice house and area. I even considered its not her texting me. I barely have time with work to feed other people kids for dinner - we are well out of the playdate era - don't mind doing a bit of taxiing - in fact I insist on it. DD has so many mates -not one I'd seen before. I'll leave it there now I think it was the right call

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