Christmas holds no joy anymore.

[MiserableOldBugger]

I used to love Christmas as a child, I mean who doesn't! Then my dad left my mum when I was 13 and that was the end of my childhood really. The reality of life suddenly hit me. Every Christmas since then has been tinged with sadness that the family times are gone.

Now my parents, grandparents etc are dead. It's shit. I have a 21 yo DS who I love dearly and I go through the motions for him.....tree, decorations, cooking etc. This is probably his last Christmas at home as he'll be moving out next year. I feel empty. Nothing prepares you for later life and the gradual loss of everyone you loved.

So who else are you inviting for Christmas?

This might be slightly off-subject but there needs to be a study in how people are affected by divorce. Similarly to you, my parent divorced when I was about 11/12. Before that point you’d never have known there were issues. We had so many family holidays, Christmases were magical and full of love all of the time. I remember a loving household. The divorce was a massive shock. But I’ve never felt negatively impacted by it like this. I know a lot of people are affected by parent divorcing and it always makes me wonder what makes one person feel so strongly, and others not so much.

but anyway, I’m really sorry you feel this way. It must be really hard when your parents have passed and you have very limited family left. Do you have siblings? DS moving out could be an opening for you to get out more, make some more friends, make connections and bring more people into your life?

Christmas makes me anxious as an adult. It was the time of year that my dad was most pissed and my mum mostly cried as a child. I’ll be glad when spring kicks in and the depression of Christmas and winter fucks off!

You are not alone. Christmas feels like this for many people, especially in the run up when we feel so much pressure to deliver a ‘magical’ experience when we feel far from magical.

Maybe worth a chat with your son to think about what you both want from it this year, (or even next year if it’s too late to make new plans for this Christmas). Volunteer… travel… ?

OP, your DS is 21 - He’ll carry on coming home for Christmas, even if he moves away. Then when he gets a DGF and has a family himself, the DGC will bring back the magic again. I remember when all my DC were young adults and my DPs had died - before my DM’s death, we always went to hers every Christmas - and Christmas became a bit “polite” and not like what we were used to. Now I have DGC, the magic is back!

I find it repetitive and boring. It's too much now and I don't even know how people are affording it.

I get it OP- my parents are both dead and I have no siblings. My kids are now in their teens (one away at uni) and I sometimes feel nostalgic for my childhood.

However, on the plus side, I now feel liberated that I can make Christmas exactly what I want it to be. We dont eat turkey for example, because we dislike it so thats out the window. Next year we might go away for Christmas instead of being at home. I think you have to change your interpretation of Christmas - sure, its not the same as it was in your youth but think of all the other things it could be instead, that are just as enjoyable. There isnt only one way to enjoy Christmas so dont limit yourself to the one that faded out years ago

Yes, take the opportunity to have the Christmas that you want. Lots of people see Christmas as too much shopping, cooking, stress and pleasing other people but you have total freedom to do exactly what you want to do.

Make the most of time off work if you have it, go on holiday, stay at home and do nothing except watch shit TV, read and eat party food. Or get out and about locally, lots of walks, visit museums and galleries, browse museums and galleries, go to a spa, whatever you want.

Christmas is just another day in our house - I think it’s the big build-up that can make it feel it so “meh” - it’s the same with birthdays too.

Exactly- there is much rigidity around Christmas - what you "ought" to do, what you "ought" to eat etc etc

Sit down and create a Christmas that would bring you joy, forget what you "ought" to do. Once you open your mind about what Christmas could be, the world is your oyster.

I bought an amazing Christmas book off vinted. It's quite old fashioned but it has a few pages devoted to Christmas in different countries eg. 'christmas in Italy...France...Germany etc.". I find it very interesting to read about different transitions around the world. Some are very low key but feel exciting!. We have a our own traditions on the 5th/6th December inspired from these stories. Also on Christmas eve etc.
Rather than just walking through the motions of a traditional British Christmas we have made it out own.

Like you parents got divorced the week of my 10th birthday. We moved across the country and me and my brother lived with our schizophrenic alcoholic mother with depression. I hated Christmas as a child because of the anticlimax from those magical Christmases my dad made happen when we're small.

I found my Christmas spirit again after having DD. When she's older, I'm all for extending Christmas to non family members who would be alone. Making a different kind of Christmas.

As other posters have said, it is what you make it. Don't be afraid to rock the boat. I would avoid trying to recreate a Christmas that is traditional - one you think you ought to do - and instead create something of your own.