What would you or advise your child to do, if they were in year 7, and someone in their class started a class group chat but wouldn't add your child

[ChristmasRobinFly]

My child has asked this kid and she's said the group chat is full and there's no room, clearly you can add many many people

So just wondering what you would do inthis situation or what you'd say to your child that only 11 and not even been at secondary long

Start their own with their friends

Tell them they are lucky. No-one needs a group chat especially at that age. It will be full of nasty stuff

I’d tell them that it sounds like a spiteful group to belong to and encourage them to stay as far away from that child as possible. Do they have a separate friend circle? I’d be encouraging them to make other friends, and watching like a hawk for any signs of bullying.

I would actually contact their form tutor. This is bullying plain and simple and most schools have stronger policies about it.

I did think about that, but I don't want to make anything worse, and I do also agree these chats are full of nastiness

But it is exclusion, I agree there

Is it definitely the whole class except DD? If so that’s bullying and I would consider telling her form teacher (although if she’s like my DD she’d hate that). I wouldn’t expect the school to police the group chat but would want them to be aware and on the lookout for other signs of exclusion/ bullying.

It may not be the whole class though?

Does she have friends? I’d be a lot less concerned about this if she seems to have a decent friendship group.

Nothing. It’s up to the other child who they add. But my y7 child wouldn’t have the means to be in a group chat so it wouldn’t be an issue.

Yeah my kid has a few friends
i think my kids the only one not included but I didn’t ask that directly
as didn’t want to make them feel worse, but perhaps I should

my dc would really hate me talking. To the school about it tho I’m pretty sure of that however it could still be the best call

Pretty soon, if not already, that group will be fully of nasty stuff. My dd gets added to these groups and immediately exits, they are just shouting into the void nonsense. She really is better off out of it, and really is missing nothing.

I think maybe keep a close eye on things and if there’s other signs of meanness from this kid then say something. But if it’s a one off then leave it.

Meanwhile your DD can start her own group chat with her friends as pp said.

The whole class chats tend to get abandoned as friendship groups set their own chats up anyway. They become for boring stuff like does anyone know the maths homework, or dominated by that one kid who can’t stop sending memes.

School will just say none of the children should have social media etc at age 12. WhatsApp etc are age 14

Don’t have group chats in y7. Bullying is rife.

Group chats at that age cause nothing but trouble in my experience, so better off out

Yes I did say that to my child, you are not missing out and these chats are full of nastiness

I said your better off out of it

I do agree, they are too young for it really

I don’t really know why my kid didn’t just say when the mean one said,that the group chat is full,

come on you know that’s not true….
you can add 100s if you want

it certainly not nice behaviour

The whatsapp starter obv doesn’t like and or feels threatened by your DC and was perhaps encouraged to do this by a parent maybe for a sleepover or party or something. Try best to not engage/ignore it. Read Mel Robbins Let Them and remember to encourage your DC to Let Them and also Let me. Be it start another group, start a new club, interest or sport etc.

I'd say this person isn't worth bothering with

Nothing we all choose our own friends

I'd say that WhatsApp (or similar) has an age rating for a reason (this being on of the big reasons!) and the parents letting their child use apps that are not age appropriate are idiots.

It depends how large the group chat is though, I would have thought? All the class except for one or two is bullying, but not being included in a group chat of a third of the class wouldn’t be.

I wouldn't go to the school, the school have better things to be doing. They also can't control what goes on outside of school. It would also be 'cringe' for your child. She does need to learn to deal with things herself aswell. I echo pp that these chats are full of nastiness my child's in one for their year and group that started in year 7 but luckily she is sensible and she doesn't go in or comment. I looked though it once and there are kids bitching and arguing. She's in year 9 now and not many people bother with the main class ones, they all just have groups with their own friends. I find year 7 is awkward, they are all getting used to each other and friendship groups change a lot. Tell her she's better off out of it and to act like she's not bothered is the best thing to do. I had one girl be nasty to my child in y7 I really wanted to say something, my child begged me to leave it. I did, it was a one off and they are perfectly cordial now so I'm glad I didn't escalate. Y7 is new and some kids are testing the waters. If there is persistent issues then yes get involved.

Kinda what I’m thinking too
this other child is clearly not the kinda of person you really want to be involved with
and making a thing out of it only give them more attention which is probably what they are after

best off out of it

Thanks for the advice you’ve confirmed what my gut was saying, this kid isn’t worth bothering with….

secondary years can be a bumpy few years and I’m sure the kid doing that will get their karma,esp If that’s how they behave

right, gonna forget it now
thank you

Its Bullying plain and simple. I do think the school needs to be informed. We are constantly accepting crap behavior as to not upset anyone. You know its not right, they know it its not right. Ask the year head to have a chat with the class about whats intentionally leaving kids out.

Something similar happened in my sons class and the school advised the kids to leave the chat and the issue was solved. Kids need the right direction.

PS i hate when people say the victim of the bully needs to man up etc when they did nothing wrong.