How to politely ask for family not to send pregnancy / birth announcements

[howtoprotect]

I had a very traumatic loss not long ago. I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant. Since then there has been one pregnancy announcement and I felt so upset. Now I’m stressed about when the birth is announced I can’t cope with photos etc being sent out of the blue. I’m also anxious about other announcements more face to face ones than message etc . But I want to somehow politely say when baby is here can I be left out of the announcement photos etc ? I know I sound spoilt and I know it’s not about me but I’m suffering a lot I don’t want to make anyone feel bad but I can’t cope

You have to tell people everything. Sorry for your loss xx

I was worried that’s wrong though? That then they’ll be feeling as if somehow I’m squashing their happiness and I don’t want to but equally I can’t cope I was thinking if I just tell one person who can somehow filter things for me and if I come off family groups for a bit ?

I feel like I have a mind block about telling anyone. I hid the pregnancy at first as had some initial complications planning to tell family etc after 20 weeks. Then at 20 weeks things still weren’t right so I waited and not long after suffered a loss and I said I’d just been unwell I couldn’t talk about it

Could you tell your mum and/or your mother in law and ask them to do the filtering the message down? Depends on you and them and how you get on but there’s something to be said for asking the older women in your family to handle this for you. They may have had their own sad experiences and if not it is very likely they had friends or family members who did. It’s difficult to get through your own years of motherhood without encountering this situation one way or another.

Tell one person you’re close to, maybe your mum? Ask her to tactfully deal with it for you, eg a couple of discreet conversations with the relevant people.

Honestly though, family support and understanding maybe good for you especially as realistically you are going to hear the impending birth announcement eventually.

So sorry for your loss 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

I don't agree that you have to tell everyone everything. Like PP said, you should tell a couple of women in the family and ask them to disseminate it.

To the lady who's currently pregnant, you could say something like "I'm so pleased for you and excited for your new arrival. At the moment, I'm finding pregnancy and birth announcements a bit tough. When the little one's born, will you let DP know, rather than me? I hope everything's going well"

I think I would tell your mom or your sister or some trusted person in the group. Explain to the why and that you are going to put the family thread on mute for a while so could they send forward on any information that they think you should know.

I just feel guilty I don’t want to make a happy time for others feel awkward but at the same time I can’t cope and feel myself getting so upset about the worry of it all

These are people who care about you and will want you not to be upset.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP. Would these photos etc be in a family group chat? If so I’d just come off those chats, and maybe send a message to the person even if you don’t explain everything just to say you’re going through a tough time and although you are happy for them you are finding it difficult at the moment and would prefer not to receive certain things etc.

What are you worried about? Something will happen to their baby? You need to not burden them with that.

Just mute your phone and archive the group chats. Babies will come, it’s the way of the world.

please access some therapy for your loss, you deserve to heal and be happy again

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a traumatic bereavement at 22 weeks so I completely understand how you feel . Please don’t feel guilty about telling others how you feel or not having anything to do with babies.it’s completely normal. Take it day by day, it does get easier. If you need support. Sands are brilliant, they have a support page on Facebook aswell.

Mute the chats and ask someone else (your partner?) to look every so often and give you the all clear.

'Due to the fact I had a very upsetting pregnancy loss recently I'd rather you could leave me out of all things pregnancy or baby related. Of course I wish you well and I hope you understand I need to process my loss in this way.'