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Original poster

A mother’s job - tireless cheerleader or occasional dash of reality?

24 replies

Fllic · 10/12/2025 19:16

Dd (15) is incredible in many ways, she is a natural performer, lights up on stage and has natural ability for acting and dancing. She is also doing brilliantly at school. She has the whole world open to her.

She has absolutely set her heart on a career performing in musical theatre. But the one thing she doesn’t seem to have natural ability in is singing. She has had lessons and has improved significantly. Her music GCSE teacher specifically asked her to jump in to the Christmas choir performance after she had finished with other commitments in the school show. So it’s not like she can’t sing at all. She just doesn’t have the big musical theatre voice.

In your opinion, where should I be setting my stall out on this matter? Should I be telling her I believe in her no matter what? Or should I be guiding her towards a bit of self awareness and realism?

In addition, if anyone feels strongly that the big musical voice can be developed and doesn’t depend on natural talent, I would really like to know about that.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 10/12/2025 19:17

If she's a good actor, why musical theatre not just theatre?

Nsky62 · 10/12/2025 19:17

Reality, best now

Original poster
Fllic · 10/12/2025 19:18

TheCurious0range · 10/12/2025 19:17

If she's a good actor, why musical theatre not just theatre?

Because she loves it, and wants to act and dance and sing.

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TheCurious0range · 10/12/2025 19:19

You need to be honest with her

Squishedpassenger · 10/12/2025 19:20

Id say to her that if she really wants to do musical theatre, she probably could make a living but she wouldnt be the star.

If she wants to be a star, theatre/acting us a better choice.

Truetoself · 10/12/2025 19:20

not everyone who does MT is a true triple threat. However, with the right training, they can improve. There is no reason why she can’t be ensemble with good dancing and acting skills. However, you should know that when it comes to performing arts - it is not your talent that determines your success. You need to ne the right fit and be at the right place at the right time and impress the right people

LarryUnderwood · 10/12/2025 19:22

I mean, performing is a career that requires extreme resilience and self belief in the face of brutal criticism. And also a good sense of what you are capable of and where you need to improve. Where does she call on the self belief/resilience/self-awareness scales? I'd say you need to parent to build up the skills and knowledge she's lacking - so if she is massively overconfident then maybe some reality would be helpful. And if she is her own worst critic then work on resilience and self belief. Etc etc.

DeQuin · 10/12/2025 19:24

I think you should encourage her to talk to her drama and singing teacher about where to go next. Stay out of it but encourage her to find out more and keep an open mind about where her path might lead. Is she involved in an amateur operatic society or anything?

StartupRepair · 10/12/2025 19:26

I had this dilemma with DD and ballet. In the end she said to me that she could see she was never going to be good enough to do it seriously. I had been agonising over what to say as it was obvious to me that she wasn't even on a level with her immediate cohort.

Tiedyeegg · 10/12/2025 19:30

I think both. Keep her in lessons and encourage her to continue to improve her singing and continue working towards her goal in any other ways necessary but also make sure she has a solid back up plan that she also feels positive about.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 10/12/2025 19:35

I feel I would be honest about the realities of musical theatre. Only a very small percentage make it and to channel all of her efforts in that direction is a major risk. There is no reason why she can’t continue with it but definitely encourage her to have an alternative and get some qualifications that will support that.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 10/12/2025 19:37

I’m a performer. I’m a talented actor with a great voice…but my god, I cannot dance for toffee. Every choreographer who’s ever had the misfortune to work with me has laughed when I’ve explained how bad I am, assured me they can work miracles with me - then watched in horror when they realise that I actually am every bit as bad as I claimed.

So I don’t do MT, apart from the odd role that doesn’t require much dancing. So I’d say it’s possible , but makes a a tough career even tougher.

legoanddogtoys · 10/12/2025 19:38

I think there is a middle ground. I'd support her in trying if this is what she really wants to do, but talk to her about how competitive, and also often brutal and unfair, the industry is. Encourage her to have a good 'plan B'.

I have a friend who's DD is similar. She always pushed her to believe she would definitely make it (in a very nice way, it was definitely what her DD wanted) and complained if anyone ever suggested anyone was better (eg when she didn't get main roles in the school play, didn't get a role she auditioned for with other organisations, didn't get in to a top drama school etc). Her DD is a young adult now and rather lost, having put all her energy in to musical theatre and not having even considered any other career paths. She will be fine, but I think would be more confident about her future if she'd looked at another possible career in parallel to performing.

randomusernam · 10/12/2025 20:03

I can’t believe at 15 people are telling the mum to be honest. Don’t do it. She doesn’t need it from you. Teachers will give it where required, im sure she probably already knows she’s not the most perfect singer. In the future if she goes to uni to do performance people will give her reality then and when she goes up for musical jobs she won’t get them but with your support she will find the right path for her and potentially do just acting. I really don’t think you need to worry about this. Be supportive that’s your job

Original poster
Fllic · 10/12/2025 20:35

LarryUnderwood · 10/12/2025 19:22

I mean, performing is a career that requires extreme resilience and self belief in the face of brutal criticism. And also a good sense of what you are capable of and where you need to improve. Where does she call on the self belief/resilience/self-awareness scales? I'd say you need to parent to build up the skills and knowledge she's lacking - so if she is massively overconfident then maybe some reality would be helpful. And if she is her own worst critic then work on resilience and self belief. Etc etc.

This is a good question I think. Until this evening I would have said she was on the massively over-confident end of the scale, and I have been worried she was in for a big crash at some point if someone gave her some home truths.
I have talked around the subject a bit before but this evening I may have been a bit blunt with her, and for the first time she said she knows she can’t sing like that and she doesn’t need me to say it too. I backed right off at this point and it ended with her belief that it’s just she can’t do it yet and that’s what the singing lessons are for.
But I think I may have broken her heart a little bit and I feel awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fllic · 10/12/2025 20:38

Truetoself · 10/12/2025 19:20

not everyone who does MT is a true triple threat. However, with the right training, they can improve. There is no reason why she can’t be ensemble with good dancing and acting skills. However, you should know that when it comes to performing arts - it is not your talent that determines your success. You need to ne the right fit and be at the right place at the right time and impress the right people

She has said in the past she’d be happy with ensemble, but I honestly thought ensembles were probably packed with incredible singers who hadn’t quite been the right face at the right time, like another poster mentioned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fllic · 10/12/2025 20:40

Fllic · 10/12/2025 20:38

She has said in the past she’d be happy with ensemble, but I honestly thought ensembles were probably packed with incredible singers who hadn’t quite been the right face at the right time, like another poster mentioned.

Show quote history

Oh sorry, that was you who said right fit etc…

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 20:41

Unless there is general/ generational wealth ....Realism.

This is an excellent and fulfilling hobby with has a great social side.

In this climate unless she's got generational wealth coming she should be looking at getting a "real job"

That might be unrelated or it might be starting her own theatre company or running kids classes or corporate workshops that show how to can be used to improve confidence when presenting etc etc

OriginalUsername2 · 10/12/2025 20:47

She’ll hear it from teachers and professionals and adjust her expectations as she goes. Things hit differently coming from your own mum.

MrsKateColumbo · 10/12/2025 20:49

I was a performer, not the best at singing but booked a lot of dance roles.. (you get paid less for dancer than singer/dancer)... honestly, the industry is so brutal and poorly paid, I would strongly encourage her to find a passion for law, banking, engineering. Because as great as those years were, it isnt something I want for mY DD.

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 11/12/2025 16:44

Fllic · 10/12/2025 20:38

She has said in the past she’d be happy with ensemble, but I honestly thought ensembles were probably packed with incredible singers who hadn’t quite been the right face at the right time, like another poster mentioned.

Show quote history

The ensembles are packed with the best dancers. Nothing wrong with that at all, and a friend of dd's has made a good career out of performing on cruise ships doing just that.

Original poster
Fllic · 13/12/2025 14:17

Bumping for the weekend crowd

OP posts:
YellowCherry · 13/12/2025 14:24

My DC aren't talented in this direction, but they are sporty, and because of this I have come across some very talented teens who want to be professional athletes. So my advice may not be relevant to musical theatre. But anyway, i think that at age 15 they still think they can play for England / star in a west end show / whatever. But by 17 they realise that they aren't quite good enough. IME this happens naturally without you having to be brutally honest.

Original poster
Fllic · 14/12/2025 10:37

Unfortunately, there are some pretty big decisions to be made between 15 and 17 years old. If she stays at her current school for sixth form she would likely do drama a level plus a couple of other more straight academic subjects. But she is eyeing up a (very good) local college that also does a musical theatre BTEC. She has talked about doing both the MT BTEC and Drama A level. I’m not sure I’m happy about that weighting though.

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