Do you have life long friends or friends for phases?

[Cocoagrowing]

I think I'm quite a good friend in that I'm reliable and will always make myself available in times of need. I'm not the friend who's going to remember your significant dates and I'm not going to text daily just because, only if I have something to say.

I struggled socialy at school but did have a small group of friends. I'm not in touch with any of them. I fell out with one when she did something horrible to another. It wasn't that bad in hindsight but I was furious with her at the time. It was however probably a mark of her generally selfish attitude and I've never particularly felt the loss.

I don't see the friend I was defending now either. I did, until we were into our 40s but now all she wants to talk about is immigrants and benefits cheats, so I've distanced myself. I met up with another school friend after 30+ years recently and it quickly became apparent why we hadn't stayed in touch.

I've had close work colleagues. People I'd have relied on absolutely at the time. People I drank with regularly and who's company I thoroughly enjoyed but there's only one I've stayed in touch with after I left the job.

When DC were young I had a very close group of mum friends, but I don't see or hear from them now.

When I was married, DH and I had a close group of couple friends. After he died they all completely disappeared.

I worked hard to form a new social circle after that and some people were absolutely lovely to me, but I can feel myself drifting from them now. I'm incredibly grateful for the friendship they gave me when I really needed it, but now I don't, I find the group less appealing (they're all big drinkers which is the main reason I'm less keen to spend time with them, as I've cut right back).

I don't feel lonely and I don't particularly feel the loss of these friends, although the ones after DH died was hard at the time. I like people and will join groups for the social contact, but don't especially need someone to be close to iyswim.

I'm not sure if this is a problem or if it's normal to have different friends as you pass through different phases of life?

Interesting as I have been pondering this recently.

I had about 7-8 very close friends. Of those, 4 who I knew from school are still rock solid friends and we see each other regularly and are just as close as we were 30 years ago.

Other friends I have had seem to have been for a season - I had a very close friend from college - friends for 20 years but sadly she seems to be drifting/ghosting recently and I have no idea why as we havent fell out or anything. It's just as if she cant be bothered any more which I think is really sad as you cant replace decade long friendships quickly.

Other friends have just drifted away due to different life stages. I find it interesting that my closest friends who have stayed have been from school.

Anyway, yes, its definitely true that some friends are just for a season.

Me too

A bit of a mix. Im 44

i actually have no friends from school or childhood anymore: drifter apart after leaving school and I moved away

i have one friend that I have been friends with since the age of 15: we met at a youth group and have been friends since: been on holiday together with our families, he’s came out to visit me while I was working abroad, and he and his husband stay with us a few times a year.

another friend I worked with at 18, and been friends since but can go years without seeing each other (different countries)

met DH at 22: he’s clearly my absolute bestie.

met another group of friends late 20s, we’ve kind of drifted apart, but I see each person in the group a few times a year.

another group of mums I met 10 years ago: again drifted apart from much of the group, but there are 2 that I see most weeks, and another few that we meet up a few times a year.

had a friend I met at 25, but we drifted apart when I had a child, and then she had one a few years later; contacted her a few times but she never replied: I honestly wish her well.

also, husbands best friend and his wife, we meet up every couple of months .

husband had a group of friends we meet up with a few times a year

have had lots of other friends in and out of my life: but my favourite is my husband.

I think friends come and go for different reasons; snd that’s ok k

The people I class as friends, I’ve known for 25 years and we met at university. We’re still very close and we’ve been through everything together. I have ‘friends’ I’ve met through my children, work and hobbies but they’re not people I’d turn to in a crisis, so they’re more acquaintances than friends. We get on well, but there’s no real depth there.

Friends for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I think we all have different ones at different times. And that's completely fine. And sometimes a season or reason friend, might have been a lifetime friend in a different scenario. Or a lifetime friend IS a lifetime friend but not the sort of day-to-day one for whatever reason. I have a few lifetime friends and they're so so important to me but one of the sadness of my life is that for various reasons, none of them live close to me. So they're still super super important to me but we don't have that day-to-day contact that I would love with that kind of friend. It's not the end of the world.

I have one friend who started as a season friend who is definitely more of a lifetime friend now except I suspect it would disappear if we ever moved too far apart. I'm not sure.

I have plenty of season and reason friends - and there's a lot of blurring there - from things to do with school/clubs/activity or work etc.

A mixture. I’ve also had old friends come back into my life (helped by social media- it’s not all bad).

Both, I have a group of friends I've known for 20 years and others that are more aquatainces who I have coffee with now and again.

Most of my proper friends go back decades. More casual friends come and go.

Both

I have both -

I think they are important for a rich life

Do you want more right now?

My best friend from primary school is quite eccentric and flakey so I don’t see him all that often. We have different lifestyles but whenever we do meet up, it’s like we were never apart.

I had one friend from uni but distanced myself from her when I realised she just used me as an unpaid therapist and wasn’t willing to support me when I was going through a tough time.

Everyone else I’d class as a friend is either a current or former colleague. I’m an academic so we’re all a bit odd and obsessive, it often leads to close friendships.

Bit of both. I have one childhood friend left, a few from long given up hobbies, some workmates from various jobs, some are relatives of other friends, a couple are parents of DDs primary classmates, and a whole bunch from current hobbies.

I have far more friends now than I did when I was young, I have got better at making them but worse at keeping them.

I find some friendships are entirely dependent on frequent contact, like a workplace or a hobby, and if that changes then you just lose touch. Some friends pass some magical invisible line and become a long term friend, even when the original thing you had in common is way in the past, or you only see them once in a blue moon.

Sometimes the people I least expected have hung around for years, sometimes people I thought would go the distance just drifted away.

Some depends on your personality as well. DH had a confident childhood with many school friends and happily leaves friends behind in the assumption he will just make new ones. I had a lonely childhood and tend to try to cling on to old friendships, even when I probably should let some of them go.

My best friend, I have known since I was 14. I adored her then, and still do. I feel nourished by seeing her, in quite a long lasting deep way. My other closest friend I met in my early twenties, luckily she lives nearby so we meet most weeks and can talk for hours.
I have a college friend I love, but her partner has Parkinson’s and she has retreated into her shell, no doubt her life is very demanding.
I Have a lovely friend in the States I’ve known since college, but only see annually or so, but we have a terrific time together. She’s wonderful.
I did make school gate friends, but they haven’t endured. I also lost a friend from teenage years, unfortunately she was just too tactless and negative for me, I really did try but just found her such hard going. I feel guilty about that, but I can only hope she didn’t think much of me either!

Both! 2 school friends, 2 ex work friends (who I last worked with 10 years ago- 1 I speak with fairly regularly the other ill pretty much only see when we all meet up), a group of mum friends and friends i know through my husband (married to his friends basically). I also have a couple of friends from a college course I did a few years back but that ones drifting. I have 'work friends' but I am definitely aware of that dynamic and I can't lie i think I maybe would keep in touch with them for a little while if I left but probably not long term.

Like you it's low maintenance friends for me really. I can't be phoning people every day/week it's just not a thing.