Hi I'm completely done with potty training my 3 year old

[Newishmom]

So my 3-year-old has arfid and autism the age of 2 I've been trying to train her we haven't really went anywhere with so I think I'm done am I still ask questions about other parenting topics though

Hey!
I gave up with my 2nd child.
eventually diagnosed adhd and autistic.
dry at night since age 8 - hurrah!!!

dry in day - better since adhd meds were started but still hit n miss at age 11.

highly recommend you keep in touch with the incontinence team. Not called that now tho. Forg3et….. paediatric urology team?

they were helpful at tracking so we could see some improvements had been made.
however the meds they prescribe didn’t work for us and possibly caused serious tooth decay (if you try them I’d insist on dentist every 2-3 months)

I was at the end of my tether many many times. And in the end. Adhd meds helped the most!!!
sadly if there is some emotional upheaval backwards we go….

but. I can say that 7years on from where you are now, things have def improved. Even if I have had to redefine my idea of success!!!!

I didn’t even start trying to potty train my DS till he was almost three. Leave it for a while and try again. The ARFID and any ND will obviously make a difference too so maybe it’s just too soon.

Explain gently on repeat what the plan is. Time how long it takes from food to poop, and from drink to peep. Either on the loo at the correct time. It’s exhausting but really really worth it. Of course it’s much harder with disabilities but don’t give up,.

Doesn't even help that my sister just dumps her kid on me too I'm just going to purely laziness she isn't potty trained so I'm too busy dealing with her too smh @Ohthatsabitshit@Peridot1@mummybearsurrey

I started at three with my autistic son. We would practice at home but I would put a pull up on him when out. He was fully trained by 7 , he just didn’t get the urge until last minute.
Its good to try but it needs to be a positive thing and it’s easier not to have an expectation that it should be done by now..

Well you need to say “no” to your sister and prioritise your own child. I had a similar situation and you simply can’t let her take your child’s support like that. It will happen again and again. In my experience the mums of kids with additional needs are sitting ducks for this kind of using.

@Ohthatsabitshiti feel bad for her kid my sister doesn't really care about her so dumps her on me and so I am her safe space

Then get your sister to do something in return that gives you more time. Eg laundry, cleaning, shopping, picking up prescriptions
Long term allowing your sister to not have to step up for child is not in the child’s best interest

She always helps out with my bills if I don't have enough @Ohthatsabitshit

That’s kind of her but you mustn’t squander your child’s support to prop up a more able child. Of course potty training isn’t the best all and end all but if your child is in nappies for an extra year or two because you had to care for another then that is a huge cost.

I am starting to think she might have got my incontinence @Ohthatsabitshit

i suppose it depends if that’s hereditary but that sounds like something to ask her GP?

I would start by seeing if she has constipation. It's really common with kids with arfid. This can significantly impact on sensation and bladder size.

I would also look at the advice on the Eric website which is specifically targeted at children with neuro diversity.

@Ohthatsabitshiti booked an visit to her GP for next week

@golemmingswe have her on laxatives for that very reason and she has a very small bladder and I might try Eric

My autistic DS was toilet trained for wees just before his 4th birthday. Rather than waiting for him to recognize cues, we were advised to set a time and take him to the toilet on a schedule to start with.

Eric are fab, definitely see if you can get in touch with them.

Are you having help with the small bladder? We had that. Overactive bladder.
need to stretch it.
ERIC are good
but you really need a referral to the urology team and to request a urology nurse to provide you with support.
ours was awesome we used to see her every 6-8 weeks. (After a year wait when I thought I might combust it was so hard on my own!).
now we see her every 2-3 months. And I’m sure will soon stretch to once a term soon.

The hospital checked bladder volume. Ruled out physical problems. And then she had us on a programme. Where we measured all drinks and drank a certain volume split between 5 drinks. Yes we had to deal with constipation. It was good to have a partner to support me. Ie the nurse!! Non judgemental. Celebrated the wins. Commiserated appropriately. Suggested what worked for others. And also was not me talking about it with my DD.
I wil forever be grateful to her!

Its possible to teach the child to use the potty, keep persisting and it will come true. But honestly the child is 3 years old they should be using the toilet. I believe you can do this though.

I just worried deeply for her @ImFineItsAllFine@mummybearsurrey@Pryceosh1987

OP needs specialist support. The child has additional needs and an overactive too small bladder.

it is possible to address it but it is hard work.

and. Much easier when the child is old enough to want to engage. Which at 3 they probably are not.

It will work out. I promise.
yes it takes time. Patience. More time. More patience.

you need to take the pressure off for now. Get back into pull ups.

and then get the support of the urology team to help you move forward again.
but probably need to wait until she is more mature tbh.