How do people deal with children s WhatsApp drama?

[treetop122]

DD is in year 6 of a small primary school. DD has an old iPod touch with the ability to message 3 friends on iMessage. She hardly messages (as 3 friends isn’t much fun!) and mainly uses this for music, she isn’t on any group chats etc.

Today DD came home from school upset as she had been told there were horrible messages about her on a group chat. A mum of the school sent me these messages so I could see them. The messages are from 2 children in her class and another child who moved up to secondary school this year, although all messages can be seen by whole group.
The messages are saying that they don’t like her and the year 7 saying they will make sure she has a hard time of it in secondary school next year.. so some threats in there.
my question is, how do people deal with these things? I plan to talk to the class teacher tomorrow. Is it best to keep it with the class teacher or should I talk to the parents as well? Or just ignore it and see if it happens again?
we haven’t allowed by child to have a phone/message people yet for this reason.
so wise mums.. how it best to deal with a situation like this?

Speak to school. They won't be able to do much, as it didn't happen in school, but can have a general session on these types of messages.
Talking to the parents directly will end badly.

I’d send screenshots to the both schools, and I’d be forwarding them to the culprits’ parents as well.

Sorry about this OP, no I wouldn’t leave it or wait for it to happen again.

Schools do deal with these types of incidents/ bullying all the time now especially as fall out often impacts on life in school and mental health/ self esteem
Some will have details in their anti bullying policies. Parents and carers are sometimes spoken to individually as well as pupils or the Head might invite a year group of parents in for a meeting if it’s widespread.
I’m sorry that this has happened. I’d speak to the Head.

I would email a copy to the primary school now, a paper trail is the best way to start this. Then see the teacher this morning, if you have a printer, a printed copy would be handed over to them. Explain you have emailed it in too just for their records and you think it might spill over into class. I worked in a primary and this would be dealt with in school.

I would also email a copy to the secondary school. In all honesty the secondary school will have harsher punishments in place for bullying and should come down on her like a ton of bricks because of the threats.

Don't send anything to the parents. You do not want them to coach their child through a response before school has wiped the floor with them.

Sometimes if there is enough of these things they hold an assembly on it.

For your DD even if she hasn't seen the messages tell her happy people don't verbally attack or put other people down like this. Just work it into a conversation this morning. Year 6 is where they start getting too big for their boots, throwing their weight around.

Speak to school. Something like this happened at my daughter's school in year 6 and from what I understand they dealt with it pretty robustly. The children writing the nasty messages had to meet with their headteacher. And then so did their parents.

It's actually a kindness to the children of school do come down hard on them. Because it's an important lesson for them to learn.

God, that sucks. I'd send the screenshots to both schools. I wouldn't send to the parents because I'd be sceptical they'd deal with it. At the ages those kids are their phones should be heavily supervised and checked. If they're not doing that then will they be bothered enough to deal with the bullying?

I had something similar. My child and another child messaging on an app. Awful language where other child called mine a B several times

I did message the mum. Only to ask if she had seen the messages. Awkward at first but we worked through it.

There also have been issues with snap chat. Not my kids but they had been silly. One mum complained to school and the school came down hard.

In my case I didn't involve the school. I felt it was more out of school issue, and the mum works there. But the amount of kids involved in your case. I absolutely would. They will have seen this many times.

I know it’s not the point but why/how are they using WhatsApp in Y6/7? My DD’s profile says she’s too young (thank goodness).

Hope it gets sorted. I’m dreading this.

WhatsApp is not the benign app everyone thinks it's is - I would absolutely report school & hopefully they will remind parents that it's got an Age 13 speciation.

As a PP said - we are expecting immature children to know how to behave on these platforms when there is ample evidence that adults struggle. Social media (which WhatsApp is) has become the new area where are kids are bullied and exposed to stuff they are too young to see.

I think it should go back to age 16 because of end to end encryption making it unsafe for kids but that's a different story.

good luck but I think the school will be onside.

Thank you all for your responses.
I don’t think I am ready for all of this.. but I know it is coming!
not sure how the others are messaging. It’s a group chat but maybe it’s iMessage actually..

I have emailed the class teacher and head teacher with screen shots this morning.
Thank you also for suggesting to contact the secondary school also. I will do this today too.

I don’t know whether to show my DD these messages so she knows what they say (as lots of others have seen them) or to not show her and just explain them.

This is what we have tried to protect her from but it seems to be getting trickier as everyone else gets phones around her!!

thank you all again

With both schools do not justgp in and have a chat.
Record any conversations of needed and send follow up "as discussed" emails so there is a clear paper trail.

Definitely contact the secondary school and I'd have them on notice that
a. You are keeping a paper trail
b. if anything went goes on next year you'll make their lives very hard, very quickly as they were forewarned so its in their best interests to tackle this efficiently now.

And this is partly why whats app has an age 13 rating. So all those kids have lied about their age on the app.
It is tough to hold out against the ground swell of parents who allow their DC access to apps under age, and then do not even have proper conversations about acceptable behaviour whilst using them.
Def report to both schools.

Absolutely let both schools know, not least because it puts the year 7 on the school's radar. They are likely to be being a little shit to other children too. Schools really like to know when a child has red flag behaviours in my experience. They then know to be more vigilant.

Depending on what the threats are, I’d also speak to the police. I know they can’t actually do anything, but sometimes they get their community person to speak to children - gives them a bit of a wake up call. How nasty. I’m so sorry for your poor DD - I’d be furious and I would certainly let the secondary school of the older child know what they said.

I wouldn't show your daughter or tell her the exact content be very vague. otherwise it will haunt her forever