Starting to wonder what’s wrong with me

[cadburyegg]

This is a bit of a pity post.
I’ve been a single mum for 5 years now. 90% of the time, I’m happy with it. I’m extremely busy. In my child free time (4 nights a fortnight) I fill my time with housework, work, seeing friends. I’m also exhausted and can’t keep up with everything.

I’m on and off the dating apps but my standards are set pretty high now. On the odd occasion that a conversation turns into a first date, the men are never interested in a second. This is an ongoing theme. I am not desperate for a partner, far from it.

I know a few other mums who have split with their kids dads, and follow a fair few on social media. But all of them have had relationships within 2 years of splitting with their kids dads. None of them have any issue in getting dates or entering into relationships.

I saw a post on MN today which said something like “there’s a reason why your dp was single for X amount of years, it’s a red flag” and I’m just wondering, is that what people think? Do I only attract a certain type, am I not serious enough, why isn’t there a spark. The amount of people I relate to on this is just shrinking because I’ve been single for so long.

For the first time in years and years I feel a bit lonely and the time of year isn’t helping either.

Nothing’s wrong with you at all. You have a full life and you’re raising a child and you’re quite sensibly selective about who you’ll date, which means the pickings are slimmer. And you don’t have bags of time to play the field - and with so much of dating being a numbers game, statistically it’s going to take longer.

It really sucks to feel lonely, particularly this time of year. But the fact you’re noticing feeling like this for the first time makes me think you have a rich and well-peopled life and are secure in yourself.

This may be part of the reason you’re not getting second dates, as even men who seem nice and normal are sometimes put off by a woman who doesn’t have obvious insecurities to exploit. So you may have dodged some bullets there.

5 years really isn’t long to be single at all, and I shouldn’t think anyone is looking at you and thinking you’re a red flag.

I think people tend to think twice about men who have been single a long time, particularly if they’ve never had a long-term relationship well into their 30s, because it suggests a range of potential issues more prevalent in men like porn addiction, commitment-phobia, unusually low interest in social relationships, failure to launch, living in mum’s basement, incel manosphere stuff, cocklodger-in-waiting, etc.

Whereas you’re a competent personwho’s capable of sustaining good relationships of all kinds, and you’re leading a full and busy life.

Maybe you are only just now reaching the point where you feel ready to give dating more time and headspace.

Do you go to the gym and workout? Take care of yourself? Put effort into your looks? Its definitely harder being a single mom. But if you do all that, keep going and don't settle or compromise just because its taking longer to find him.

Otherwise I'd start with some of the things I suggested above to see if you attract more men.

The dating pool sucks ass right now anyways. Don't be too hard on yourself.