Farmer’s wives who have divorced - was it worth it?

[DoublePoppy]

I have tried so desperately to keep the family together, but I can’t live with this man any more.

Tenant farm. We are both on the tenancy. If I leave we lose everything.

I just don’t know how I can stay, with a man who has such hatred for me.

Anyone?
I’m feeling very alone tonight.

Hello. Sorry I don’t know anything about farming tenancies but I just wanted to say, it might not seem like it now, but everything will be fine. Life is too short to be with someone who hates you. Take what’s left of your life and build again. It doesn’t sound like you’ll regret it.

Sorry no advice on this actual situation but sorry you feel so alone.

My only advice is I’m sure leaving is scary and there will be hard times but isn’t it better in the long run. Do you really want to spend your one and only precious life so unhappy. Sending a hug for you.

Is there anyone/family you could go and stay with for a while? In order for you to think/do what is right for you?

Never a farmer or a farmers wife, but I did wan't to say that you clearly need to end the marriage, and despite the added complication, nothing is worth the situation you describe - terrible for the kids, you, and probably him.

I'd accept it's over and focus on making the best plan for you and the kids, one practical step at a time. Once you have a plan in place, then you can tell him it's happening.

People are quite good on practical advice, so do post on that if you need a sounding board.

It might be really hard for a while, but you will adapt and life will move on and you’ll be on a happier course. Short term pain for long term gain.

I often see posters on threads about separating saying don’t leave the house. But in this case it sounds like you will need to (and want to?), so
somewhere to live temporarily. Could you tell him once you’ve left, to avoid an angry man in your face.

No experience but step back and look at finances, if you stay and you both carry on as you are, will the overdraft get bigger? Many tenants totter around the edge of getting in the black for part of the year. If this is you lancing the boil will be better in the long run. He could still farm but for someone else on a guaranteed wage without the vet bills and worries

Go and don’t look back. No situation, home or material things matter more than you and your mental and physical health, sanity and safety. Leave as soon as you can. Get some money behind you then go. Just do it. Look after you for once.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Are you on Facebook? There's a really lovely group called The Artful Farmers Wife (you don't need to worry about the Artful bit, it's as much of a support group as anything). You can post anonymously on there and you'll get lots of support.

I sort of understand what you're going through as we are in a similar sector. Its all so consuming and not many lifestyles compare with it. Like you say, you lose the lot, you cant just split proceeds from the house or anything like that.

But a lifetime of misery isnt worth a short period of stress to get your life back. I assume theres children? Xx

Thank you. I’ve seen that group but I don’t really want to post on Facebook. The group admins can see who you are still I think.

I wish I had some answers for you, sadly I don't but leaving sounds far better than trying to stay. I understand it's far easier to say than do.

Get legal advice first obviously(NFA?) and then, if advised to, talk to the landlord - can't you ask to be released if you explain the situation and for it to be transferred to your partner? Asking the most obvious questions of the right people has to be done doesn't it? Don't do nothing - shake the tree and see what falls down.

Is the prospect of him losing everything going to make him face up to the problems in your relationship/working partnership and actually work out a way to resolve the issues or improve the situation? Is the relationship over or salvageable? Is it all down to the often impossible stress of just running a farm? Was it ever good? There's no other family members - siblings on either side or other family members who might be able to help with the work.. or is that not really the issue?

Sorry that you are going through this. I’m not in farming so can’t advise on the specifics of that but from your brief message you really have nothing to lose. The current situation is untenable and clearly you want out. If you want a fighting chance of future happiness, you need to leave now. Can you stay with family?