Why do I feel like this

[Terrytheweasel]

My partner of over 2 years is sporty. I used to go to the gym 3 x per week and always have. He would always want a full debrief after my gym session and would get really excited about it - I found it very irritating.
Eventually, I started not wanting to tell him that I’d been and eventually just stopped going all together almost out of some kind of protest. I have spoken to him multiple times about not wanting to talk about my gym sessions with him but he insists, and still now will ask me regularly will I rejoin the gym, will I find classes locally to join etc.
I have weights at home and use those (but don’t tell him) and I’m slim so my body is not the issue.
He asked me earlier and I explained that the more he asks me, the more I don’t want to do it. I’ve told him this many times.
I don’t understand why I feel like this though. It should be something we can chat about but I find it so incredibly annoying.
He has spoken to me about retirement and says he is worried I won’t want to do sporty activities with him or won’t be fit enough - which is not true, I’d love to do activities with him but I just do not want to tell him about my gym sessions but I don’t know why.
I am going to rejoin a gym because I am missing it but the thought of discussing it with him makes me feel really upset.

I can understand that this is irritating but I’m pretty sure it can be resolved. Maybe you can reach a compromise where you give him a brief summary but don’t want a string of questions about it? I guess it depends on what it is that winds you up about having to feedback to him about your workouts.

It seems odd to me too because I couldn’t care less about anyone else’s workouts. But I guess it’s a big deal to him.

Why is he talking about retirement - how old are you both?

I can understand the annoyance though - nobody wants to go through the Spanish Inquisition every day.

Well ask him what’s more important that you go or you have the discusssion? Just shut down the conversation every time. I thought you wanted me to go to the gym. Refuse to do the discussion.

its an interest if his and he enjoys sharing an interest / having something to talk about to his partner. I cant see what the problem is? me and my other half talk about our gym sessions with eachother.
do you just not really like him much?

He sounds controlling to me. He wants a thin dp.

@vincettenoir he’ll say things like ‘wow look at you smashing it’ he’ll ask how many reps and what equipment, what else i did, did I do a class as well, how long was the session.
And everyday, it’ll be what time are you working out today, did you get a work out in etc
I feel like it’s all consuming. I just started not wanting to go. If I try to discuss my dislike for it, it results in an argument or he gets cross. There has to be some kind of happy medium like you said, but he doesn’t seem to be able to stick to it. He always goes back to asking me multiple times a day ‘when I’m going’ what time, why didn’t I go bla bla

He’ll he retiring in his mid 50s, I’m late 40’s

With the retirement talk, it almost seems like some sort of health anxiety on his part? He's scared about something happening to you so is trying to check you are doing enough.

It's still incredibly controling and something he needs to address and stop doing. But maybe try talking about where his underlying concerns are coming from and seeing if that is a more productive conversation.

I really like him and I’m happy to listen to his post session chat, as he likes to tell me everything (even his heart rate ffs) but I don’t like discussing mine. I don’t like to go daily and don’t want the expectation that I will be going daily, and if I don’t go, I don’t want to be questioned about it. I know I should be able to but I winds me up.

This is helpful, thank you. I will try this approach and see where it takes us.

My DH was like this about my running
When was I going, how long for, was I doing sprints blah blah fucking blah!!

I told him I knew exactly what I was doing thanks, no need for him to interfere

He sounds as dull as a brick

It’s so irritating isn’t it!

🤣

Yeah that does sound annoying. Just be vague and say I don’t remember.

Oh he does sound irritating!
My dh will offer ‘helpful’ comments about my sporty hobbies, neither of which he’s ever done. Coming from an extremely sedentary man this is all the more fucking annoying, I shut him down and tell him I’ll just carry on as per my instructors advice thanks 😂
To be fair to him his main concern and ‘helpful advice’ are mainly around my post cold water swimming warming up
methods but still, he knows nothing!

Christ that would drive me fucking insane.

Maybe just day I'll tell you when there's any highlights or lowlights to share, until then just assume it's BAU (business as usual).

Unless if you were training for something, maybe you could use his interest as a sounding board for your goal(s).

You're uncomfortable because he is being controlling.

There's no 'I should be able to' about it.

There's no reason for him to have any expectation for you to do this, or to talk about it, and no reason why you 'should' if you don't want to. I'm beginning to agree with a pp who said he is a bit controlling.

It doesn’t matter why you feel
like this, what matters is that you’ve told him how his actions are affecting you but he just doesn’t care. If he loved you he would respect your wishes.

Stop questioning yourself, you're being totally reasonable. He's just being, well, weird and controlling and weird. I want to actually give you a medal for not throttling him because I would have done 😅