Single parents of babies/little ones - what do you wish you'd known/ what tips do you have?

[SarahAndQuack]

I'm a single mum to my eight-year-old DD, but I was with her mother until she was 6, so I've never done the baby bit on my own. I'm expecting a baby in June.

If you were a single mother with a baby, what would your tips be? What things do you wish you'd known, or done differently?

TIA!

Manage your expectations.

It's going to be tough as hell so don't beat yourself over the head about not having the 'perfect' home, job, life whatever.

Don't feel guilty for getting child maintenance, benefits or anything else. Access all the support you can get.

Feed yourself and drink that cup of tea.

Thanks, that's very helpful (especially the cup of tea bit!).

Don't make life harder than it has to be.
Accept help if offered, don't get worked up over little things that don't matter.
Having everything your own way is very satisfying!

Any more? I'd really appreciate it ... I'm really trying to think about all the things I might not have anticipated, or the stupid tiny details that made a big difference.

Don't expect anyone to do anything. I wasted a lot of energy feeling pissed off that people didn't offer to help in any way. Sorry to sound negative, maybe your village is more proactive!

I was single with a baby. I agree with manage your expectations. I had all these plans to make fresh puree food, never co-sleep, use re-usable nappies, different activity each day....yeah that all went out the window pretty quickly haha

Practical tips, I did Gousto for a few months. It made meal prep so much easier.

Looking back I wish I had worried less about the state of the house and spent more time just cuddling and playing with my DD.

I'm sorry your village was rubbish! I hope I won't expect things of people, but you're right, I need to remember.

It goes so quickly, when you’re going though it the days seem endless but it retrospect it passes in the blink of an eye. You can feel like you weren’t present enough because of how much you were in ‘survival’ mode. I feel you need to make more effort to enjoy the experience, realise that these are actually the easy days (in comparison to teenagers), and build your community while they’re small as the opportunity window is lost by the time they leave primary school.

Thank you! I definately want to co-sleep and use disposable nappies (am actually quite excited about co-sleeping as it wasn't really feasible with DD and I couldn't help feeling it'd have been so much easier!).

Good idea about Gousto. And YY, will try to remember my house can be a state for a while! (Not that it's not already ...).

Have at least two water bottles with you at all times, particularly when you sit to feed (if you bf). The thirst is unreal. I remember crying because my mum brought me a small glass when I wanted at least a pint.

Snacks too. I kept a biscuit tin of crackers, club biscuits, and dried fruit next to the bed and the same by the sofa.

Fill the freezer with food, have tins of soup/beans in the cupboard. Easy stuff you can stick in the microwave. Don't be afraid to put a crying baby in the cot and go and eat. I had to do this a couple of times and it was horrible but I coupld cope better once I'd eaten.

People say to sleep when the baby sleeps. I say do something to make you feel human when the baby sleeps. Read a book, take a shower, have a sleep, eat with two hands - just something to make you feel like you again.

Good luck! You'll find your path on your own.

I just wish I’d known how time flies 😔 you blink and they’re at school. Turn around and they have their own place.
Cherish every minute.

As soon as baby is down for the night literally spend 20mins MAX doing essential prep/tidy/washing/whatever will help you tomorrow but then STOP..relax..shower..get in bed! Even if its 7pm just protect that little pocket of quiet/you time (as opposed to doing full house tidy/clean/washing/scrolling then realising its 11pm babys awake again and youre full of regret lol!)

I always kept an extra pack of toilet roll and some long life milk (if you can stomach it). It prevents the late night panic when you realise that you've run out and the kids are in bed.

I realise now that babies are just as happy in the back garden or doing something locally because everything is new to them. No need to be tiring yourself out going places. Non cook snacks are great to have on hand for yourself also. Something you can grab with no clear up after

Also this! Learnt the hard way to never ever ever come close to running out of essentials when youre flying solo 24/7 🙈🙈
Having said that.. whoosh deliveries/deliveroo grocery orders can save you in a pinch

Yup frozen ready meals, a loaf of bread and milk in freezer too.

A sling or baby wrap is a godsend too

Make sure you get photos of you with the baby.

if you are exhausted, feel no guilt at going to bed at 7pm if that is what you need to do.

always have bread and eggs and something super quick like stuffed pasta in

even a toddler can help in the home. I gave my DC a mini rechargeable DustBuster hoover as soon as they could walk. They LOVED it and means they can help hoover. They can also put clothes in washing basket etc.

These are so helpful, thank you! It's what I was wanting - just some pointers so I can start feeling as if I can get things organised/take mental notes. I just feel as if I've got months here where I can prepare and I'll regret it if I don't!

@Latenightreader - love the snack tin idea! Might also have to get a pile of really comfort-read books for that 'make you feel human' bit too. What a good idea!

@Unforgettablefire OMG yes! I can't believe DD is nearly 9. I planned for her to have a sibling close in age (that did not work out!), but being pregnant makes me remember her baby stage, and it feels like no time at all since then.

@Coldblackcat - we're rural; the house is always stocked up! Mind you no deliveroo here. I am going to get familiar with ordering shopping online. I never do, but that one seems like a no-brainer.

@MasterOfOne I must get into slings. I couldn't wear one when DD was a baby because I had a massive ovarian cyst that needed surgery, and my ex-DP didn't get on with them because she'd had a c-section, so neither of us used them. I love the idea though, and my mum swears by them. Any particular recommendations?

@Solasum - what a lovely point about photos. Yes! And the rest.

Thanks all, so much!

Get a routine and stick to it. Not necessary everything happens at the same time every day, but in the same order every day.

Hi @SarahAndQuack , as a single mum have you got a plan for during and directly after the birth? I couldn't quite work out if you have your older daughter all the time or if your exDP is around to look after her.

Also if you have to stay in hospital for any reason.
Congrats!

Sadly no recommendations as my baby is now practically an adult - i hope others can share their ideas for slings/wraps.

I LOVED co-sleeping with my baby, we shared a bed until they were 4 years old.

One thing that was really important was just trying to get outside every day. Even if just a walk to the shops. I think the school run routine with your older child will really help.

And totally agree about the pictures - my greatest regret is no pictures of me and my baby TOGETHER. I hated how i looked back then so i have loads of pics of my baby on their own.
.I wish i got more pics of us together ❤️

Hello! I have DD 50% of the time, but my ex-partner is nearby so that side of things should be ok. My mum is able to come up and look after her too. I'm slightly nervy about c-sections (DP had a section and they were both in hospital for a bit over a week). But I think it'll be ok!

And thank you!

That's such a good point about getting out! I know even now that I feel so much better when I do. There's nowhere I can walk 'to' round here, but it'll be June so nice for being out in the garden (I hope!).

@SarahAndQuack my only warning about online shopping (as in for your big shop) is the danger of them not having vital things (or appropriate sub and you not being told til an hour before delivery time...

I had one sunday evening nightmare where it was formula and something else critical and had no way of getting to shop that night... still hold it against Asda in my head 😅😅