Character assassination

[Solidas]

During a phone chat with my mum yesterday she was laying off about someone and said "She needs someone to read her her character." That is my mums way of saying "someone needs to tear strips off of her."

This has been a running theme in my life, my mum assassinating my character (and others behind their back.) We are very different as people. She will store up her grudges - she is offendable to a ridiculous level and then absolutely go to town telling me how awful I am or giving me the silent treatment.

When I eventually stood up to her and told her I was an adult and she does not get to annihilate me and my character she started to try and get everyone involved such as my dad, brothers, friends etc. I believe it's called triangulation.

I now dread spending time with her. It is draining and the negativity is not something I want to have around my kids.

I really just wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced this in their family? How did you navigate it.

Cutting contact is not an option for the sake of my kids and relationship with my dad and siblings.

There will come the day @Solidas when she does this to your children.

Only see her when your dad and / or siblings are there to dilute her toxicity. They will make changing the subject easier. If you can’t avoid talking to her on the phone try to keep the conversation light but if she won’t go with that tell her someone is at the door or you have another call coming in. When that fails, have some go to phrases ready to shut her up. How about “That’s just your opinion and is nowhere near as important as you seem to think it is.”

Would your dad and siblings be willing to meet you without her? That would probably be the best option

I now dread spending time with her

You don't have to stay in a family relationship with someone who abuses you, no matter how closely related you are.