DD not invited to best friends birthday party.

[Senparentingwoes]

DD is 7 and has both autism & adhd. Has very few friends, maybe one or two and considers one of the boys her best friend. He is also autistic. DD doesn’t get invited to other kids parties, neither does her best friend. Me and his mum have become quite close, are planning to spend Boxing Day together as a family. We have had many heart to hearts talking about how sad we feel when they are left out (which is pretty often!).

we have been discussing his upcoming birthday since the summer as it’s an activity both him and DD love doing (together). I hadn’t heard from her in about two weeks which was odd, but I have been very busy with work & mentally struggling quite a lot to be honest. Bumped into her on Friday and she admitted to me that DD wasn’t invited to the party - her DS only wants boys there. I feel absolutely gutted to be honest, I know it’s so silly and it’s nothing personal - she is simply the wrong gender 😢 I am thankful for once that DD is clueless, but I do think she would be upset if she knew. How would you feel about this? In defence of friend - only 7 children have been invited so it’s not a huge party. She also wasn’t invited last year but they were not as close then. If it means anything he is always invited to dds birthdays (and also younger dds birthdays too!).

It is sad but I will say around this age was when my daughters friends started to only want boys
/ girls. Understand why you’re feeling sad though if she is regularly excluded

Its sad, but i can understand that he just wants all boys. Why not do something together on a different date?

He’s trying to make friends with the boys and branch out. For your dd sake maybe suggest something they can do together or simply wait til Boxing Day. She will need more friends too perhaps outside of school

Nah, it’s a dick move. Cannot stand these people who enable nasty exclusion based on gender or anything else. Imagine if the op said It was because dd was another race? You’re either friends or you’re not and this family aren’t friends based on this.

I suspect the other child has quite rigidly thought "boys' party" and not reconciled that properly with his best mate being a girl. Or maybe he's getting to the point where they are starting to drift a bit from his POV. I think mum should've stepped in tbh, if you are all as close as you say, but there you go. I wouldn't cut this friendship or pull back, yet - see how things lie over the coming months.