Need to talk to someone again

[Lunalara]

Hey lovely Mumsnetters,

My boyfriend’s mum and dad are making me feel stressed to the point of vomiting. I was dealing with a lot of stress before them, but now they keep complaining about me to my boyfriend. He is blaming me for the situation for not trying to do better for them. They are complaining about me when I am not even around them or in the same area. I am open to talk to them, but if they are complaining about how I spread butter, I don’t know if they are really willing to talk.

Oh love dump him. Never ever stay with a man who makes demands of you based on what his mummy and daddy think, he hasn't cut the umbilical cord yet and never will. I'm sure you can do better!

Sorry you’re feeling like this. Vomiting from stress isn’t normal so there’s some help needed for you in terms of self care and coping techniques, but the best thing would be to minimise contact with them as you can’t really control what they say or do. How come they know how you butter? Are you living with them? If so then that will be a big part of the problem. If not, then see your bf at your place. They don’t need to be so involved.

Yes we are all living there. She helped me to find a job near them.

As I get older I can't believe what kind of shit I put up with when I was younger.

Can you think of one good reason why you want to stay with this mummy's boy? You will never fit in with him and his family. He'll always prioritise his family. Imagine having a child with him? Ugh.

Give yourself the gift of love and dump his arse. Don't worry about doing it just before Christmas, just make sure you have somewhere to go to and then get the hell out of there.

I remember now. They were also mean to my boyfriend when he went on visits from uni. He would often tell me how bad his brother and dad made him feel.

Not as simple as that as I don’t earn enough to live independently, hence I am living with them.

I just want a life as free of drama as possible, bar the stuff that can’t be controlled. However, everywhere I go I see people shouting at me. The number of places where I feel genuinely safe is shrinking.

Where did you live before you moved in with them? Have you family or friends you could stay with? Could you and bf move out together, even if it’s just a room in a shared house? It’s extremely hard to live together with the wider family and not get on each other’s nerves even when people aren’t difficult or toxic. When they are, it’s untenable. Don’t feel powerless in the situation. Work out your options and make a plan, or your self esteem will continue to spiral.

When you say you see people shouting at you everywhere, that sounds like you need to see the gp. Can you make an appointment and tell them? Get some help for your anxiety at least?

Where were you living before?

Some people get very upset about butter … are you leaving crumbs behind!?

But seriously - this doesn’t sound healthy. Try and “grey rock” and make a plan to escape

Can you say more about people shouting at you? Why do they shout at you? Are they people you know ?

Oh have you misinterpreted me? I am not having visions or anything, just that I keep bumping into people that like to shout at me. Yeah I need therapy, but I keep getting dumped on waiting lists because of the high demand.

Okay it did sound strange, but it still is strange that so many people shout at you that you don’t feel safe being out. That plus the vomit comment sounds like you do need help while you’re waiting for therapy, even if it’s online mindfulness techniques or meditation, but you do need to change your living situation too. The tensions will likely only get worse and you all need to feel some peace where you live.