What advice would you give to your son in this scenario?

[wherefoolsrushin]

DS is in final year uni, living in a student flatshare with very good friends he has known since year 1. One of them did a year abroad last year and, about a month ago, confessed that, during that year, he accessed a porn site which had pictures that were under-age. He did this for a few months then, in shame, wiped them from his computer and sought counselling. The flatmates were appalled by and, in the aftermath, the student who confessed moved back home to his parents (who he has also confessed to).

I don't know any more details. My son told me the above and asked me what I thought they should do. I said I would need to think about it.

If this were your son, what would you say? I think I'm in the "It depends" category, but I'm struggling with the "on what", beyond the obvious - that his shame is genuine and he will never do it again.

Nothing.

I think it’s odder that he confessed to his flatmates and subsequently to his parents, tbh. It's appalling that child abuse images exist online, and it’s appalling, obviously, that he accessed them and therefore contributed to the demand for more. But I’m not sure what good he thought it did anyone to perform all these confessions.

I mean, is he hoping someone will report him?

Plausible deniability in the hope that nobody would report him for what could be thousands of hideous images and videos that he's actually still accessing. Bet somebody had seen something, so he decided to get in there first with a vague excuse and weeping and wailing so they'd feel sorry for him.

Possible.

I would have nothing to do with the friend ever again.

He will do it again and hopefully he will get caught.

I’d have to report him. If he goes back to doing that or abuses kids himself could your son live with that on his conscience knowing he’d done nothing? As an aside: If he’s getting counselling for that would the therapist not be duty-bound to report him anyway?

He was doing this for months. He needs reporting as he's a danger to children. It's only a matter of timr until he offends again.

I'd bet my house that he's still looking at that kind of thing online.

I'm not sure what you can do to be honest. It's a choice between do nothing or report to someone.

Am I the only reader thinking the OPs DS is the one who has accessed the images and has invented a friend?

I’m thinking the DS has deleted the images as described and appalled by his actions but is worried it will get back to his mum, the OP, somehow, so has come up with this story to test the waters as to his mum’s reaction.

Tricky. Did he really seek counselling or is he just saying that. If he has sought counselling and been honest then a professional must already know, so are they morally obliged to report it since it's a crime?

Sorry, I didn’t say report him because I assumed as he had had counselling he would have already been reported (by the counsellor who I thought would be duty bound to do so) and dealt with once.

Crime stoppers?

Its an odd thing to confess though. I can understand someone accidentally coming across a dodgy site and maybe admitting to that (in a boy banter-y way) but to admit to repeated viewings?

if he was abroad, could the police do anything here? Apart from to investigate to see if it’s still current?

It did cross my mind.

Nothing officially, but he is a friend so I would be loyal to my friend and offer him a bit of emotional support.

I think the 'it depends' relates to what your son would be willing to forgive this action because they admitted to it, and how much they trust the friend is no longer accessing the material. If they can't trust the friend anymore then the answer is to stop that relationship. But maybe your son does believe them - and if so might want to give them a second chance after this admission. Only your son could answer that.

I can’t think of a single scenario where reporting someone for repeatedly accessing csa images would not be the correct answer. These things have a tendency continue at best and to escalate at worst if left unchecked.

I had the same thought.

Assuming it is as the OP has stated, I don’t think could in good conscience not report this to the police myself. I’m assuming the OP knows at least a name and address of this person.

I don't think that anybody has the moral right to 'forgive' somebody on behalf of the abused children he was enjoying watching in their shared home.

Report him now and he's less likely to be in a position to abuse more children in the future.